Her One True Prince and Master

Her One True Prince and Master

by

Dorothy Strangelove

Introduction: After the Bullets and Broken Glass

Where does it all begin?  I ask myself this question with my back against the wall as I look around for a clock but there's no clock in this room.  Blood is drying on my white shirt,  I see it on my sleeve, on the back of my hand,  I can feel it drying on my cheek as well.

I don't want to wash it off.  I don't want to leave this room,  or do anything until I know...

I look down at my black mini skirt, only a short while ago he ran his hand up my leg and I got that warmth flooding over me that only a lover's touch could bring and now I was here, in this room, the silence and the locked door reminding me that this day coming had always been a possibility and now it was here, it was real, it was something he had told me could happen one day, but I had never taken it in, because I didn't want to, I could not take it in that one day his past would catch up with him.

But it did.

It seemed so unreal. We were sitting in that restraunt at a table in the corner and we were talking over dinner like any other couple in love.  It was so normal, with nothing to even hint at what was to come. When the waiter told him there was a phone call he told me wouldn't be a minute, thought it was work - they always knew where to find him. 

Until it happened, I suppose I was in the same dream world I had always been in, the one that said the same words over and over in my head each time I thought about it - the night we met, the first time we kissed and I held him, countless times I had been entwined in his arms, even yesterday when I woke beside him, right up to this day, when I had exchanged a glance with him and told myself those same four words that went over and over in my head like a mantra:  it will never happen.

And then, today, as he left the table, I had reached out for my wine glass, lifted it from the table and two sounds, close together, bang-bang had come from far off.  It sounded far off because there was a wall between the entrance and the restraunt. It didn't sound like gun fire from the movies. Just a jarring bang-bang, and with it a realisation that tore into me as if I might as well have taken those bullets myself.

I don't know where the glass fell. I just know I was holding it and then I didn't have it any more. I got up pushing the table forward and I kow the chair went back with a clatter. I don't recall walking to the entrance. I remember pushing the heavy, glass panelled door and with the effort of doing so all the breath seemed to leave me and I couldn't breathe in.

He was lying across the carpet. Blood was staining his shirt. It was running underneath him as well, staining the carpet and still coming out of him. There was a shattered mirror behind him, the glass cracked and broken like a spider web meeting in the focus point of a bullet hole. It was a floor to ceiling mirror and as I sank to my knees and cradled him in my arms it didn't even register that I was kneeling in broken glass...blood and broken glass had been present on the night we met but at this time, I didn't think of that, the coincidence dawned on me later.

And now I was here, locked up in a room with no clock and being told nothing.

Finally the door opened again.  A woman came in, late thirties, older than me, with dark green eyes and long, glossy dark hair.  She didn't look as self assured as last time I'd seen her and I noticed there was a cloud of emotion in her eyes - something which I would not have expected from her, which made me even more afraid for him.

She sat down and looked across the table at me.

"Eve,"She said, "I need you to tell me everything you can remember about today -"

"I know who you are. Your name's Celeste."

She blinked, surprise registering in her eyes.

"How do you know that?"

And I thought, she wasn't all that bad, not quite the dragon he had described to me. There was a softness in her eyes and as the light shone down on her face I noticed although she had cleaned herself up there were definite marks of smudged make up - she had been crying.

"He told me you're his boss."

"What else did he tell you?"

"I know he's a spy."

Celeste stared at me for a moment.

"He told you he's a spy? "

I nodded.

"We have been having a relationship for almost a year. And no, there was nothing out of the ordinary about today - or any other day. He always met me when it was safe.."

The pain was building up in me again and I gave a sob.

"Please," I begged her, "Just tell me if he's alive."

Again I saw emotion in her eyes. She looked away for a moment, then drew in a deep breath.

"Eve, I'm so sorry, but I'm not allowed to say anything. You know about the nature of his work - or at least you have some idea, so you know I can't tell you any details. And don't talk to anyone else about it, ok? I'm sorry this has happened, I'm truly sorry for you, Eve - but there's nothing I can do."

"Please, just let me know if he's still alive."

I realised this was a moment when she really hated her job. She blinked away tears and forced herself to hold back her own emotion.

"We have some eye witness accounts of the shooting, Eve. Your boyfriend was employed in very dangerous, very secret work and because of his role within this organisation it's made him enemies, very bad enemies. The shooting today was a reprisal attack. The man who shot him was sent to kill him, he was a professional hitman. From the way we've pieced it together, he realised what was happening and struggled with the gunman - that's why he was shot at close range. You saw what that bullet did to him, you was there. I shouldn't even be telling you that, and I'm sorry I can't tell you any more."

She let me go after that, gave me a shower and a change of clothes and arranged for a car to take me home.

As she walked me out of the building to my ride home, she paused to ask me something.

"Did he ever say anything about me?"

I saw no point in lying. I was deep in sorrow and she was talking about him as if he was gone, at least, that was the way I took it. And even though he had often exchanged words with her and they had'nt seen eye to eye I guessed she deserved some honesty.

"He said you could be a right snappy cow, but I don't think he meant it."

Celeste's eyes filled with tears.

"Yes, he did mean it."She said, and although she managed a smile her voice was choked up.

When I got home I didn't fall apart until I was behind my own locked front door.

I sat on the stairs and cried, then went up to the bedroom where the sheets still smelled of my lover's skin.

My lover and my master. The only man who had ever truly loved me and the only man who I had ever known who could dominate me with a touch or a few firm but gentle words.

Beside the bed was a slender leather collar with the word SUBMISSIVE written on it in silver lettering.  In the drawers beside the bed are a collection of toys. Far more than I owned before, and each one with memories all of their own.  He had known how to push me right to the limit of my endurance and still that little bit further. He had been the only man who had known when I was ready, who had whispered, "You can come now," and I'd come like he had pushed a button and the orgasm would leave me weak and trembling, then afterwards, I was warm and tingling and finally when he drew me into his arms and told me he loved me, I knew I was truly loved. And I couldn't take the thought that he was gone.

Again, I asked myself, How did it all this begin?

The answer was, a long time ago.  I'd fallen in love with him on the night we met.  And it would be almost two decades until we met again.

Part One: Way Back Then

Back when I was nearly eighteen, we didn't have mobile phones or digital cameras or the world wide web. But we never got bored.       I'd just finished college and I still hung around with the same crew I'd gone to school with. We went to the park and got drunk. We played a game where there was six of us and at least four bottles of strong wine and we'd all drink as much as we could then take turns to spin on the roundabout in the locked park to see who lasted longest without throwing up. Sometimes I won, sometimes I lost. We dared each other to run through the graveyard in the pitch dark and enjoyed  freaking each other out. We smoked dope when we could get it. We threw house parties. Not just parties, house parties. Banging music, techno and dance. When we wasn't running around together I used to get in pubs easily even though I was just a bit too young. At weekends I used to go to london and hit the clubs. It wasn't about sex. I had my thoughts about sex but back then it wasn't something I'd really descovered. I knew how to give a hand job. Well, sort of. I wasn't interested in sex yet. It was all about getting out of my head and getting lost in a blur of laser beams and dry ice and flashing lights. I fell in love with alcohol. Even when it made me throw up on the dancefloor and over expensive furniture and over my friends. Everyone was doing something, E, poppers, speed, it was part of the night. For me nothing did it like booze. I totally loved booze. Then one night some prick put pure LSD in my drink - spiked me - and it took me three days to get myself back together. That was when I decided I'd had enough of the club scene. Not that it mattered, I didn't need the clubs. Me and my friends had all we needed in our home town - parties, booze, and even though we didn't have the digital age it didn't matter - we had Acid House.

Back to sex.

I gave my first blow job after a disco on the way home. In the cold, in the bushes, because I was drunk and no, I didn't swallow.  I didn't even like the boy all that much, but as I said, I was drunk and all my friends were doing it - having sex - and I wasn't, so I thought I'd better catch up before they thought I was weird. And that was all up to that point.

It was because I was yet to meet a man who would actually light the fire inside me. Until now, all thoughts of desire had merely been smouldering embers that needed firing up. I knew how to have an orgasm, but I didn't know about using fantasy with orgasm to make it amazing.

I did, however, know how to make myself look sexy. Which is a bit ironic considering I was quite a pretty girl, yet I didn't know what to do with myself.

One night my friend Alice phoned me up and asked me if I wanted to go to a local pub with her, it was quite near my house and although I'd been planning a quiet night for once I decided when booze was concerned, I was better off saying yes because then I had more chance of getting nicely drunk. Nicely drunk meaning I wouldn't throw up, just get a bit drunk. Enough to go home, lay on my bed and watch the ceiling as my bed span round - or was that the room spinning round? Either way, it was a pretty cool sensation and one I'd easily get after seven or eight martinis.

So tonight, I decided to look sexy. I had no plans on using that sexiness, it was just something girls did when they had a night out.

In my bedroom I had a white dressing table and a huge, oval mirror. The dressing table was littered with make up and hairspray and perfume and right next to a big, tall window so I had plenty of natural light to put on my make up. In those days it took me something like an hour to get ready. I don't know why - I don't know how it could have taken me that long. (These days I can do full make up and everything I need to do in under twenty minutes, no matter what look I want to achieve). I'd had a long, hot bath before I got dressed and my skin felt silky and the warm spring air that filtered into my bedroom seemed to sigh off it ike tiny breeze-kisses.

I stepped back and looked at myself in the mirror: my hair was warm brown and in a layered, shoulder-length bob. My skin was clear, I needed little foundation back in those days and I'd put on mascara and red lipstick. I looked nice, I couldn't deny that. I had a short black skirt on and a silky, cream coloured top that was off the shoulder and edged with lace. I put on my black high heel shoes and then layered on my gold: rings, three necklaces, a bracelet and my hoop ear rings. Then I picked up my bag and left the house.

I met Alice outside the pub, she had just got off the bus. I don't recall what we talked about for the next ten minutes but I do know she said "You look really nice!". We walked into the pub. It was getting dark outside and there was a bit of a chill in the air but inside the crowded pub it was bright and warm and smelled of booze and ciggarettes and I headed straight for the bar.

Alice said she'd get the first round. She knew my drink by now, martini and lemonade with ice.

She turned towards the bar to order.  I turned my head and looked around.

That was the moment I saw him.

I looked at him, he looked at me and for that moment, for a split second, everything around me disappeared and my heart stopped in my chest. I couldn't see anything but him, and although I know now that only I was aware of how I felt, to me at the time, I'd just been hit by love, quite unexpectedly with the speed of an express train and nobody seemed aware of it. 

As he looked away the spell was broken, I was still looking in his direction and then I came back to earth. Someone was shaking my arm.

"Eve."

I turned back to Alice. Oh, yes. I was in the pub. And my drink was in front of me.

Alice glanced over my shoulder then looked back at me with a smile on her face.

"Do you fancy that bloke?"

I smiled and nodded. Fancy was putting it a bit lightly. I was crazy about him and I hadn't even spoken to him yet.

"Go and talk to him."

I hesitated. I'd never felt such an attraction to someone before and I swallowed down most of my drink before I replied.

I put the glass on the bar.

"Not yet. I really like him. And he's older than me. I might not be good enough for him."

"Of course you are! Go on, talk to him!"

"When I've had two more of these,"I said, and I finished my drink and ordered a second round.

Those martinis went down all too quick (bit like me on him, if I had anything to do with it!), and I was in the difficult position of being overwhelmed with all these sexual feelings and this pounding in my heart and the frustrating feeling that I simply didn't know what to do about it, knowing nothing other than the fact that I was gravitating like a moth to a flame and if I got burned I didn't care - this was no crush. I had never known a feeling like it in my life. It can be frustrating having no experience in a situation like that. I'd finished my third drink, ordered a fourth then I picked up my glass, and taking my courage with me, I walked across the room to a corner near the door where the most gorgeous man I'd ever seen in my life was standing.

As I approached him he looked at me and I smiled. He had beautiful blue eyes. Actually, everything was beautiful about him. He was handsome, somewhere in his thirties, taller than me, with a shaved head that only accentuated his good looks and a slim, athletic body to die for that I longed to run my hands over.  He was wearing a white shirt and black jeans and as I said hello he leaned a little closer and the scent of his skin drove me wild.

"I'm Eve." I said, thinking, do I sound stupid or was that a good introduction? I didn't know, I was hoping to keep his attention.

"Hello."He said, and as I looked into his eyes my heart missed a beat again.

"I haven't seen you in here before."

He had glanced away, eyes scanning the crowd for something or someone, I didn't know which but I just wanted him to look at me.

He looked back at me.

"I haven't been in here before - I'm waiting for someone. I can't really talk right now, but maybe we can chat later.."

And he smiled at me.

I nodded.

Then I went back to the bar and found Alice.

"He's waiting for someone. But he said we can chat later."

"Sounds good to me,"She said, and we left the bar to go and find a table.

Two hours later and several  more drinks later she told me she needed to go and wait for the bus. She didn't want to wait till eleven when all the drunks were spilling out of the many bars that dotted the high street.

"Wait with me."I asked her.

She shook her head.

"Sorry, babe, I got to go now. I said I'd be in before ten. You'll be alright, go and find that bloke you fancy."

I didn't really care at that point. I had a drink in front of me, I was still hoping my handsome man would come back and I was halfway to pissed. I was at the stage where I was happily drunk and the room was not spinning and there was no way I would be throwing up tonight. I sat there and waited for him to come and find me, not bothered that I was now sitting alone.

I drank my drink faster because I had no one else to talk to. I sat there for another ten minutes and then got up and made my way to the bar to get another drink and hopefully catch another glimpse of the man of my dreams.

He wasn't by the door. The place was crowded more than ever and I could hardy move. I pushed my way around the other end of the bar and looked around. I was a little more drunk than I thought I was. I felt a bit wobbly as I turned around.

I didn't see anything. There was no indication of any signs of trouble anywhere. But suddenly, seeming to come from somewhere behind me (and pretty close to me), I heard a loud noise, a single sound that reminded me of a car exhaust backfiring, only it was louder, and suddenly people were pushing and shoving and panicking.

There were tiny pieces of broken glass littering the floor, it crunched under my shoes as I took a step forward and as I realised my hand was aching I looked down and saw a tiny sliver of glass stuck in the back of my hand.  My eyes scanned the room following the trail of glass. On the floor was a man, a total stranger I'd never seen before in my life. He was lying on his side and the rest of the broken glass was still held in his hand.

I just stood there. I heard someone say there had been a shooting. And I still stood there, taking it in, with my hand bleeding and not knowing what to do. It was scary. I didn't think this kind of thing happened in my town.

Then someone took me gently by the arm.

"Come with me,"He said, "You need to get away from here."

I looked around and there he was again, my handsome stranger.

He put his arm around me and led me out of the pub, straight into the car park and unlocked his car.

"Get in."He said.

I was glad he wanted to get away from there. As we headed up the road police cars were heading the other way, towards the pub.

He just drove straight past them.

"Should we have left like that?"I asked him.

"Definitely."He replied, "I didn't see anything, you didn't see anything, so whats the point in waiting to give a statement, plus you're bleeding."

I glanced down at my hand. The glass was still there. I reached over and carefully took the jagged edge between my thumb and forefinger and began to draw it out.

"No! Don't do that - "

I was too drunk to listen. Besides, it was hurting me now and I wanted it out. I lifted it up. There was a pop as the glass came free. And blood started to run down my hand much faster.

"Oh no, help me.."

I admit I was squealing like a baby.

He turned the car down a side road and parked, then took hold of my hand and placed a tissue over it. He took my other hand and told me to keep it over the wound.

Then he pulled a small bag from the back seat and took out what looked like a first aid kit.

He started to clean up my hand.

"It's not bad,"He told me, "You haven't done any major damage, that will be ok in a couple of days. Keep it covered."

And he pressed a plaster over the cut.

"Thanks."I said, still entranced by him and drunk enough for the horror of the shooting to vanish from my mind.

"Where did your friend go?" He asked me.

"Home. She left ages ago, at least half an hour ago. She got the bus and went home."

"Ok, fine. I'm taking you for a drink. Not around here. Further up the road. I think its best if you pretend you left before the shooting. That way no one's going to bother you with questions."

It made sense. And at the time I could only think, at least he's making a move on me. Knowing that made the whole evening worthwhile despite what had happened.

We drove further up the road, on for several miles until we came to a pub called The Vine. He told me to call my friend and say we were at The Vine, and had left just after she did.

There was a phone box near by and I did call her, he smiled when he heard me say, I've pulled him, Alice..we're at The Vine."

When I hung up he told me to wait while he made a call.

He was very quick, said something about everything being fine and he was on his way back but he was making a detour and it was nothing to worry about. Then he hung up.

He took me into the pub and sat me down in a corner and went to the bar.

When he came back he gave me something orange in a tall glass.

"Harvey wallbanger?" I guessed.

"Fruit juice."He replied, "I think you've had enough to drink, you don't want a hangover and a sore hand in the morning."

I wasn't about to complain. Besides, he was right.

"What's your name?"I asked him.

"Jonny."He replied, "And before you ask, I work in security - well, sort of. It's a bit of a long story."

I couldn't help myself. I had to touch him. I put my hand on his knee. I let it slide up his leg slowly. I got to the top of his thigh and his hand closed over mine, slid it back down to his knee again.

We talked. I kept trying to caress him but each time he stopped me, he didn't mind me sitting close or putting my hand on his leg, but he was controlling himself. I couldn't help not controlling myself because I wanted him so much. We got on well. He was someone I instantly warmed to, I wanted to get to know him better but after I finished my drink he told me he was driving me home.

"I have to be somewhere."He explained, "Or I'll be in trouble."

He did drive me home. He parked outside my house and we chatted some more. I wanted to put my arms around him and kiss him. I had a burning desire to kiss him till my head swam with the beautiful scent of his skin.

He checked his watch finally and said, "I really have to go now, Eve."

"Goodnight."I said, and leaned closer.

I lacked skill and experience, but made my move out of sheer determination. My hand slid up his thigh. As our lips touched, we kissed gently. I kissed him harder, my tongue slipping into his mouth, as he started to kiss me back I moved my hand right between his legs. He had a lovely hard on. I wanted to keep my hand pressed against him forever, but he stopped me quickly.

He pulled away from me.

"Eve, I really have to go now."

I was still drunk, but not so drunk that I was about to try for a second move. He said he had to go, he had to be somewhere. I looked into his eyes and in that moment, my mind said words I dared not say aloud, I want you, I want you so much, I want to hold you and kiss you and never stop kissing you. You're my prince. The man I've always dreamed of. And yes, he could have had me any way he wanted me, he could have had sex with me, taken me over and I would have surrendered myself to him. I was (and still am) a believer in safe sex. But he could have ravished me and shot me full of cum and I would have thanked him for it. But he was a gentleman and like he said, he had to go. So I said goodnight,  I got out of the car and he drove away.

When I went upstairs that night I took off my clothes and left them in a heap on the floor, slid into bed and closed my eyes, warm and wet with thoughts of him, at the same time my heart ached but it felt so good when I thought of him. I knew it could be a crush. If it was, it was the biggest one I'd ever had. And I was at the kind of age where I was realising sometimes feelings ran deeper than a crush. I knew there was a little piece of my heart that would keep my memory of him forever. That night I put my hand between my legs and stroked myself. While I did it I imagined being in his arms, kissing him, running my hands all over him and covering his body with my kisses. While I did it I got wetter and felt more and more that I wanted to make myself come, but what I felt for him was beautiful so I kept these thoughts playing in my mind while I held onto the longing inside I felt for him. And then I slept till morning.

A few days later I was sitting on the bed round Alice's house. We were in her sister's bedroom and I was wearing her sister's t-shirt because mine had been soaked when washing her mum's car had turned stupid, (my own t-shirt was white with green and pink smileys on it, I never got it back, I still miss it to this day).  Her's was black and didn't go too well with my vivid green cycle shorts.

They were talking about her boyfriend again so I drifted off into my own thoughts. Then I picked up my notepad and started to write.

"Eve's writing poetry again." Said Alice.

"It's a private one."I said, and carried on. This was not one to share with my friends. It was a verse I was writing for him. It was one of those moments when writing just flowed from me. But not from the usual places; not from anger or moodiness or a love of playing with words, this was different. It came from my heart, flowing from my heart to my mind to my hands, to the pen and out onto the paper. It didn't take me long to write it and as I silently read it back to myself I knew I had captured what I felt perfectly:

If I could find a quiet place,

Away from the rest of the human race,

I'd sleep awhile by a magical stream,

And try and find you in my dreams.

Once I'd found you, I'd want to keep

On dreaming and not wake from this sleep,

Until I'd found the perfect place

To be the sunlight that kisses your face.

"Can I see?" Asked Alice's sister.

I felt my cheeks glowing scarlet. She was likely to tease me over this. I was the loud and crazy one in the group, not considered to be the slightest bit romantic. I folded the paper, folded it again and put it in my bag. Then I changed the subject very quickly.

"Let's drink your dad's vodka and top it up with water." I said.

I walked home very drunk. By the time I got back I was tired and horny as hell, as thoughts and images played through my mind. I was still a teenager, I had all this immense desire building in me and as I thought of him I thought of the most erotic images I'd ever dreamed up: Me, on my knees in front of him. Jonny slowly unbuckling his belt and sliding it off. It was a leather belt. Then he drew me into his arms, kissed me, my hands slid down his shirt and began to undo the buttons. Looking back, even then my erotic thoughts leaned towards hints at being dominated, but in those days I didn't know a thing about bondage or domination. I was yet to learn of the beautiful pleasure that danced through my senses when I was kneeling before a man I adored and wanted to serve and worship. I didn't know what being submissive meant. I thought it was about being tied up and whipped - not for me at all. But as I said, that was then. I was yet to learn being dominated could mean many other things, that kinky could be anything I wanted it to be. And at that young age, those images were as far as I got.  I was upstairs, in the bathroom and sliding the bolt across the door quickly. Then I ran a bath and while the water was running I sat on the edge of the bath and rubbed at the burning ache between my legs. I slid a finger in myself several times, then rubbed my clit. I came very hard and very quickly, and although it didn't ease the ache in my heart, it certainly helped everything else.

Coming over thoughts of him became something I did quite often. I didn't know if I'd ever have the courage to give him the poem but I kept it with me just in case I saw him.

But I didn't see him.

Almost twenty years would pass before I saw him again.

Part Two: Now

Those passing years had brought a lot to me and some of it had been bad but some of it had been good. I was no longer the teenager who knew nothing about sex - about what pleased me. I'd had a long term relationship that had stopped being a romance quite a few years ago. Add that to the fact that there was also a lot of friction and quarrels (his doing, not mine), I had taken a lover here and there, not many but the choices I'd made had been good ones. At least good for me sexually if not in any other way. The first had been someone in my circle of friends who had really amazed me with what he could do with his hands (until he told me about his secret love of using moisturiser instead of lube. No way could he go up my arse with skin cream on it. That hurt like anything and after that I decided I would never have anal sex. But that was then, I knew little about how much I would learn in the future! Then there was the fantasy man. He really, really opened doors for me that I never wanted to close again. Every scenario I could imagine, if it could be done, he would do it. I asked him to dominate me. He enjoyed telling me what to do and taking me hard, handling me like he was the boss. Then he bought me a solid gold curb chain and told me as long as I wore it I was his property. What I didn't realise was he would be in the habit of grabbing that chain, giving it a twist and yanking me towards him spitefully every time he was pissed off, and he would say: Are you looking at another man / Shut the fuck up, I'm talking/driving, etc.

I ended that one after a few months because I'd had enough. I knew I wanted to have a degree of domination over me by a partner, but the guys I chose were all wrong for me. Then I met the one I'll call Mr. Kinky. On the surface, he was right for me. On the surface he was a very intuitive lover who liked to command me, to push me to the limit and liked to give me pleasure as well as take his own. He was the one who introduced me not only to anal sex, but the kind of anal sex that had me screaming when I had an orgasm. But this was only him on the surface. Underneath, he was a total nutter. Violent, addicted to everything you can think of and very much in his own world. He also barred me from love and affection, which hurt because I loved him. I left when I could take no more, and considering myself badly burned from that affair, stayed quite alone for the next three years. It wasn't like I didn't have offers - I had plenty. But as much as I liked my own brand of satisfaction, I needed it within a relationship. I had never gone for casual sex with anyone. The thought of it did nothing for me. As far as I was concerned, sex for me was all about being aroused, staying aroused to great heights and then having an amazing orgasm. I could only achieve that if I loved the man I was with. And of course, my urge to be the submissive partner came into play as well - I could not worship or obey a man I felt no emotion for.  My lovers had been long term, but all of them selfish. And despite the negative aspects of those relationships, I had learned a great deal sexually and I knew what I wanted the next time around: Too many of my lovers had been selfish. They had been men who thought me being the passive lover was a ticket to abusing me and taking their own pleasure and disregarding my needs and wants. In other words, they interpreted 'Dominate Me' as meaning, treat me like shit - which is not a preference of mine. There was even one incident with my second lover where I'd asked him to slap me. I meant on the arse. He had turned round and whacked me in the face with the back of his hand, so hard that I was sent crashing into the wall and my nose was pouring with blood. Like I said, I'd made bad choices - but in that I now knew what I wanted from a lover.  A good lover would understand my limits and boundaries. He would be kind and patient and never hurt me in a bad way. He would dominate me and respect me at the same time. He wouldn't be an impatient man, the kind I'd known before who had stopped pleasing me even though I wanted more just because they wanted to shove it up me and cum. He would wait, and make me wait, too, until he decided he was ready. He would understand that for me sex wasn't all about cock and more cock. He would play me slowly and tease and touch me, spread my legs and lick me and use his fingers on me, make me beg for it. And only when he decided I was ready, would he give it to me. He would enjoy telling me what he was going to do to me, but not everything. That would make me wonder what was going to happen. And he wouldn't need to use chains because his word would be law. He would know that the best whip he could use on me would be his own belt because for me, there would be no higher honour when it came to spanking than being slapped with a belt that he had worn. I knew what I wanted, I deserved to have these things. But until I found the right man, I was happy to wait.

But I didn't go without. I had sex toys. I had vibrators of different shapes and sizes, mostly though I used them on my clit. My favourite was a mini vibrator bullet that had a jelly sleeve, I could tease myself for a long time with it, delaying the orgasm so I got maximum pleasure. I had a g-spot vibrator as well, I'd descovered my g-spot finally after many years of wondering if I had one, then one day, I was fingering myself and I found the most incredible place in my body, after that I spent quite a while feeling pleased that I had one - even though it wasn't really that hard to find ( towards the front, just above the pelvic bone, hard pressure on the band of tissue and I was there - it had been there all the long, I didn't need a sat nav to find it but I'd just never touched it properly before!). I also had a big, silver vibrator its main good point was that it was heavy,  with hard vibrations that made me cum quick when I slid the tip up and down my clit. I also had a clit pump. When I first descovered the pump, I thought all my dreams had come true - it was'nt powerful enough to suck it hard, but it did suck and tease it and make it ever so sensitive and this was the next best thing to being given oral sex. I also had love balls - heavy, steel balls that were small but felt strange inside me, I didn't use them often because my g-spot was undecided about how to respond to them. I had a mini vibe with a steel ball in the tip that was good for keeping me nicely aroused and I had a hard, long, jewel-studded seven inch multi speed vibrator that had a powerful buzz that went so hard it made my hand go numb while I was using it.  But my favourite was the monster in my collection, it was eight inches long and two inches wide with a soft jelly covering, but it looked nasty. It was black and white with hundreds of raised spikes. I knew I would need a lot of lube to take even half of it and until now I'd only teased my clit with it. It was the kind of toy best enjoyed when being used on me by another person. So until someone special came into my life, I used it only as a clit toy. But I wouldn't have to wait much longer to enjoy pleasure with another person for much longer, I'd been without a lover for three years when out of the blue, someone walked back into my life, and not just anyone, someone special. I met Jonny again.

It was a warm spring morning and I had decided to spend part of it round the back of the town centre at a pub/hotel, not because I wanted to drink (me and booze had been over and finished years ago), but because the place had a large beer garden that over looked a lake, the lake was filled with swans and ducks and it was so peaceful and a perfect place to sit on a warm day. Plus the pub had just opened at eleven so the garden would be empty. It was somewhere I liked to go and after the long, grey winter I wanted to make the most of warm, bright days like this. I walked into the empty bar, ordered a drink and then I walked through the bar and into the beer garden.  I crossed a small bridge and chose a table that overlooked the lake.  I was just sitting there taking in the peace and quiet and then, all of a sudden, someone spoke my name.

As I looked up it took me a few seconds to realise I wasn't dreaming. It was Johnny, after all these years and although he was older he still looked amazing. He hadn't changed a bit.

I couldn't speak for a moment, I just stood up and gave him a hug.

"I thought it was you, "He told me, "I took one look at you and I thought, I know that girl."

And he sat down at the table with me.

"Still working in security?"I asked him.

"Yes and no,"He replied, "Still in the same line of work but I got in a bit of trouble recently and I got suspended for a while. Long story."

"I think you said that to me once before. You'll have to tell me all about this long story one day."

And I caught a look in his eyes that got me wondering. There was something mysterious about him, something I hadn't noticed back then, but now, older, I could tell right away: this man has a secret.

And I was right.

"What kind of security work do you do?"

He just came out with it and didn't seem concerned about sharing it with me.

"Basically, I started my career in the army. From there I moved to a specialist elite taskforce and after that I was offered the job I have now. It's pretty high up and very confidential. I'd tell you more, but the less you know the better. It's quite a dangerous job and I'm not allowed to tell anyone the details."

I couldn't help but smile, knowing he lived such a dangerous life only excited me even more.

"It's so good to see you again."I said, and the warmth in my voice hid nothing as our eyes met. He leaned over the table and put his hand over mine.

"I'm glad we've met again."He told me, "And I have to say, I recognised you straight away, you haven't changed much, but now you're older you look stunning."

I felt myself blush. It wasn't often a man made me blush, not these days, no one had the power to do that to me - but he still could.

I suddenly felt seventeen again. I wanted to get up and hug him again. But it was enough to look into his eyes. He was looking at me in a way that told me he knew me, the real me, and I need not hide anything from this man. This was a man who I could be myself with and I knew he would accept me the way that I am and no harm would come of that.

"You look pretty good yourself, Jonny."

He laughed.

"I'm a lot older than the last time we met. That was nearly twenty years ago."

"It makes no difference, I think you look great - you always have."

"I'm staying here at the hotel for a few days,"He told me, "I have to go back to my room and get my phone, I think I may have missed a few calls and I need to ring someone. You can come with me if you want to."

I tried not to openly jump for joy. I got up and followed him, with a big smile on my face.

When we got inside the hotel room he closed the door and went straight over to the table beside the bed and picked up his phone.

"I definitely have to call someone,"He said, noticing he had four missed calls.

He then said something about it being work and he wouldn't take long, but I was rather distracted by the big, soft double bed I was sitting on. I ran my hand across the cover and envied those sheets because they had caressed his naked body while he slept and that was something I'd dreamed of doing for so long, at least, I assumed he slept naked - he did in my imagination, and I could picture him now, with the moonlight shining on him. I longed to run my hands over him so much that I had to stop picturing it before I envied the moonlight, too, because at some point, it must have shone down on him and seen more than I ever had!

He put his hand on my shoulder and a bolt of desire shot through me as I looked up at him. He saw the longing in my eyes but didn't know I was helplessly aroused, my cunt was hot and swollen and I was leaking so much juice it had gone right through my knickers and my thighs were slippery. Soon it would leak onto the flimsy material of my short, white dress and it would certainly leave a stain. I'd always worn knickers alone but as I felt more juice run out of me I decided, if Jonny was going to be a lover to me I'd have to break that habit and start wearing panty liners before I ruined all my clothes.

"I have to call someone."He told me.

I nodded, opening my legs slightly as he turned away and walked to the window and made his call. My cunt was so swollen the lips were apart, my clit swollen up and aching to come. I wanted him to put his fingers inside me, to spread my legs and lick me till all that need exploded within me.

I was so turned on I was surprised I even heard his conversation even though we were in the same room.

"Yes, "He said, "I got all of your messages. And I'm not obliged to contact you while I'm off work."

Then he listened. Suddenly, things turned heated.

"No,"He said sharply, "I do not agree with your decision. I was fully aware that you ordered me to wait for back up. And I was fully aware that had I followed that order the hostage would have been dead in a matter of minutes! Thanks to my actions one of our people are still alive. And because I went in, to quote your phrase, 'like something out of the wild west', I ended that situation. It wasn't easy and I got my arse kicked in the process but I don't need you to kick my arse as well. Don't you even try it! I've had enough experience with these things to know when there's no time to wait. I won't apologise to you for doing something I've learned to trust in all my years in the service - listening to my own instinct. I'm going now, I have a lot to think about - like if I want to spend the rest of my career laying my life on the line for people who don't appreciate what it's like in the field."

With that he cut the call off and switched off the phone.

To my surprise he spoke more openly with me now.

"That was my boss."He said, still sounding stressed, "She hasn't been in the job long and she doesn't understand what it's like. I had a choice between attempting to end a hostage situation or wait for back up. I went in when I was told to stand down and it got rough but I contained the situation. I've still got bruises from disarming one of the gunmen. And all she wants to do is give me a lecture about not listening to her. And she's suspended me for three months with no pay.  She's a snappy cow who likes to think she's right all the time and this time she was very wrong.   If I'd followed her orders that day one of our men would have been dead. But she won't accept that."

I was surprised by his honesty about the situation after saying that secrecy was important, but at the same time I could still feel desire building up in me, and it only made the love I'd felt for him so long ago grow even more, he was a true hero and my admiration for him had just increased.

He sat down on the bed and gave a sigh. Then he lightened up.

"Sorry about that, my job's stressful at the best of times, I just don't need attitudes like that from my own side."

"You got hurt?"

He shrugged it off.

"There was a bit of a fight, I got a few bruises, a couple of cracked ribs, nothing major."

As he spoke he touched his right side and I instinctively reached out and touched him gently.

"Show me."

He smiled.

"I think you want to do a bit more than that, don't you?"

I felt my cheeks burning again. I nodded.

Thankfully, being so much older as much as I struggled to take a chance in situations like this, the situation couldn't be more in my favour, we were alone together, in his room, on his bed and what he just said had sounded inviting.

"I've always wanted you. Even when you wasn't there, I thought about you sometimes. I've ached for you, I still do."

That was the most honest, open statement I had ever made in my life and I'd made it freely and without fear of rejection. It surprised me how easily I'd been able to say that.

"I never forgot you either."He told me, and drew me into his arms. As our lips touched my head swam and I trembled with desire, I was sliding his hand up my thighs, brushing his fingers against my wet knickers as he kissed me deeply.

He stroked me down there, slowly, as if soothing the ache that I felt. Then he pulled back a little.

"I'll show you my bruises." And he began to unbutton his shirt.

"No, let me." I said, feeling a rush of excitement - I'd always dreamed of undressing him, and now I was really doing it!

I opened the buttons slowly, all the way down, then pushed his shirt open and started gently kissing his shoulders, his neck, moving downwards. He took off his shirt and laid back on the bed, then I noticed his bruises. A second ago I had been too lost in the moment to notice anything other than the feel and scent of his skin and the way my hands swept over the contours of his body. Now I could see deep bruising over his ribs and a second injury on his shoulder.

That was when it hit me that his dangerous career wasn't so sexy after all. He was in very real danger.

"It's nothing, "He told me, "Don't think about how I got it. I've known people who have been killed on missions. This is nothing."

Then he laughed softly.

"Actually, I am playing it down a bit - my ribs hurt. I need a painkiller, I have to take one or I won't be able to take you to bed."

Take me to bed. Take me. That sounded very commanding. Very dominant. He took his painkiller and settled down again, with his arm around me.  As he looked into my eyes I didn't have to think about it. Now was the right time to tell him more.

"I'd like you to take me to bed. Take control, I want you to. I like to be dominated."

"How, exactly?"

"Gently but firmly. Let me know you're the boss. Play with me. Make me wait for it. But not all the time. Just when you want to."

"And other times you want it like this, all nice and romantic?"

I nodded.

"I like being spanked. With your hand or your belt. And I like sex toys. You can bring that into it if you want to."

"And if I didn't want to?

As much as I longed to be dominated, I knew the answer in a heartbeat.

"I can live without it. Loving you would be enough."

He held me closer, kissed me gently and slid down the zip on the back of my dress. I tossed it on the floor. Beneath it I was wearing a lace thong and no bra.

As his eyes roamed over my body I felt the thong soaking through again with more of my juice.

"You've got lovely tits." He said, and ran his hands over my breasts before slowly and firmly sucking on one and then the other.

My hand moved down to my cunt as I tried to rub away the ache I felt. He took my hand away from it.

"Not yet."He said, "I'm going to make you cum, when I'm good and ready."

And to reinforce that, he held both my hands firmly while he sucked on my nipples. With every touch and kiss the thrill that tingled through my skin seemed to send more blood rushing to my clit, I was throbbing and juice was running out of me like never before. I needed to have release, but he had said no and was enjoying caressing me, watching me becoming more and more aroused and knowing he was already in charge was giving me a massive sexual buzz, a sex high, the best buzz in the world.

"Tell me what you like."He whispered in my ear.

"I like being licked and fingered."

"How many fingers?"

"Two, three, more if you want to."

He was still holding me, making no attempt to let things go any further.

"I might have to ask you to use one of your toys. I'd like to see you playing with yourself. But you can't fuck yourself with a piece of plastic all the time, can you?"

"No, I need your cock." I said breathlessly, aching and desperate for him to make me cum.

"Do I need to tie you up or is my word enough?"

"Your word is enough. I want to obey you. I want to suck your cock."

"I like my cock sucked. I'd like you on your knees, taking it in your mouth, right down your throat."

"That would make me very happy, Master."

"You don't have to call me Master."

He ran his fingers through my hair and kissed me gently.

"Call me Sir."He said, "I'd like that."

And we kissed again.

And I thought, this is the conversation I should have had with other lovers but they had never asked. Jonny cared enough to want to know what I longed for, to find out what my idea of domination was. He was also balanced and knew that the master/slave relationship wouldn't echo into other areas of things - he was willing to love me equally and I knew there would be none of the abuse of the past that I had suffered with others, at last I had found not only the man of my dreams but the man who would indulge my desires in the way I'd always wanted.

He placed my hand between his legs. I could feel through his clothes that his cock was hard.

"Is that what you want?"

"Yes, Sir, please, I need it."

He smiled.

"Wait. I'm not ready yet. I'm going to lick you out first. I want to eat it. And you will feel like it's been eaten by the time I've finished."

And then he was down on me, he was licking me gently, then harder, with every touch it seemed like every nerve in my body was alive, he sucked my clit then licked me again, knowing by the way I was gasping and my open legs were shaking that I was'nt going to last much longer. He slid two fingers inside me, started fucking me with them while he carried on licking.

And I couldn't take any more. I cried out as the orgasm rushed through my body, washing over me so hard and so fast I felt my body go weak and I couldn't move for a few moments.

Then Jonny was kissing me, looking into my eyes.

"Those pain killers are working."He told me, "And now you're going to get it."

He unbuckled his belt. I loved that sound. To me it meant so many things, that I was going to be fucked, that I was going to open my legs and submit to my lover's cock, that every thrust would shake my body while he took his pleasure.  Or that he would take that belt in his hand and order me to turn over and take slap after slap until my arse was red.  Either way, it meant power. He had power over me as I lay there, my legs open and cum juice wet all over my red, well-licked gash.

He took his clothes off and left the belt on his jeans. I wasn't going get a spanking just yet. But that didn't matter. He slid his cock in me firmly, hard enough to make me gasp. I held onto him as he thrust harder into my body, every movement made me wetter and took him deeper, and as he looked into my eyes I realised he wasn't just fucking me, he was making love. He kissed me deeply and drew me tighter into his arms, and trembled as he held himself on the edge, pulling his cock out at the last minute and covering my shaved cunt in hot, warm cream.

Then he rolled over and lay beside me getting his breath back.

I looked down at my body - my nipples were still large and pink from all the sucking, lower down his cum was covering my skin just above my swollen cunt that looked and felt very licked and fucked and satisfied.

He wrapped his arms around me and as he held me I felt content. This was the man I had dreamed of so long ago and now he was here, in my arms and I knew that despite all that had happened in my life over the passing years, I had managed to keep a piece of my heart just for him, with his name written on and now he could have all of my heart if he wanted it - I loved him.

"What makes you submissive?"He asked me as we lay together.

I didn't resent that question, I welcomed it. Every single person has a unique and personal reason for having their sexual preferences and some don't even know why. But for me I'd worked it out a long time ago. Some people liked to assume their kinks came from elements of their upbringing or early experiences. Maybe for some, that was true.

But not for me:

My childhood hadn't been the best. I'd been bullied and pushed around and had pressure on me to do well - not just well, but better than everyone else. In the end I rejected it all, it wasn't about that.  I'd never really been loved or protected in the way that other kids seemed to be - it wasn't about that, either.

I'd long ago learned to shut out the spitefulness of a bad parents words (or later, bad partners),  by developing a trick I could do with my mind, I learned it at an early age and it worked for many years: I had this Off Switch. When I wanted to, I pictured it flicking to Off. And that was it, shutdown.  No insecurity, no emotional pain, no nothing: Off.  It didn't work forever and one day I found I couldn't turn it off any more and it took me years to find it again and ever since it had never worked properly again, but I was older and I let myself feel now. Not too much in case I got hurt. But that was down to bad choices - I shouldn't have picked bastards. But in all of my relationship history, I had at least waited for partners who I could feel a hundred per cent sure about. I had to like them, desire them totally to want their cum in my mouth, or anywhere else they wanted to put it - I had to be with a man who would be the only man in the room I could see and need and want when we were in a crowd. They had to have a special indefinable something that told me I deserved this man, that he was the one I wanted. But too many times I chose by lust. That was why I'd had bad partners. I hadn't talked enough, I hadn't looked beneath the surface - my fault for thinking with my cunt and not my head.

But at the end of the day, it all came down to one thing, and it was nothing really spectacular: I was selective. I knew sex was better within a relationship, so I waited. I waited till someone came along who could make my sparks fly. Someone who would think like me, enjoy sex like me. And when I found someone who met all my requirements, that made them very special indeed. No wonder I wanted to look up to my prince and master and worship the ground he walked on. And I knew with Jonny I wouldn't have to hold back with my feelings. He would not hurt me. I could see that truth in his eyes and it was something I had missed from my life for a long time. I explained as simply as I could:

"It's about wanting to worship the man who makes me cum and keeps me turned on like no one else on earth - and about me liking being the submissive woman. That's all, really."I said to Jonny, "I like being dominated as much as most women enjoy being on their backs and fucked hard by their boyfriends - it's about taking joy in being the receiver."

"I think you may have to receive some more from me tomorrow."he told me, "And this time, you will be calling me Master. I'm going to dominate you properly."

A thrill ran through me as I heard the tone in his voice. But as I looked into his eyes I saw a gentle playfulness, I saw affection and love, no trace of the malice other men had subjected me to.

"I'm going to love that."

He kissed me again, held me in his arms and we talked some more.

He told me what he wanted me to do. He asked me what I would like him to do.  We kissed, we laughed, we discussed things openly and without holding back. It was the best conversation I'd ever shared with a lover - because he was the best lover to have the discussion with. By the time I'd dressed again and kissed him goodbye, I was already looking forward to our next meeting.

I had his number, I had instructions, and he had my instructions, too.

Tomorrow I'd have the time of my life. He knew exactly how to turn me on.

The next day I was up early, when I first opened my eyes I was still floating between sleeping and waking for a moment or two and in that time, a thousand pictures slid through my mind of everything that had happened the day before and a big, warm glow radiated through me and the love I felt made me even warmer: After all these years, I was seeing Jonny. And today, I was seeing him again. Today was a special day. He was going to do something to me today. He hadn't told me all the details, just a few. Enough to tease me and excite me, too little to give me the full picture. Itw as just enough to thrill me, with the added pleasure of not being sure what he would do to me once I was back in that room and the door was locked behind us..

I had instructions to follow. They started here, at home.

I giggled as I got all my toys out and arranged them neatly on the table. Big vibrators, little vibrators, clit toys. Everything was on here and it was quite a nice little display. I took a picture with my camera phone and sent it to him.

Ten minutes later a message came back :

BRING THE BIG SPIKEY ONE & THE CLIT PUMP - U THINK U KNOW HOW 2 USE THOSE TOYS, U DON'T. U WILL KNOW ONCE I'VE USED THEM ON U X

I sent a message back:

I WANT U 2 DO THAT 2 ME XX

After I put the toys away, leaving out the pump and the big, black and white vibrator, I turned my attention to my wardrobe : He told me, dress sexy. Something nice and short. It didn't have to be too spectacular because I wouldn't be wearing it for long, but it had to allow for easy access up my skirt. I didn't have to bother with knickers, he had said, there would be no point in me wearing any.  But I was to wear a bra that pushed up my big tits, and a tight top that made the most of my cleavage. I chose a tight red top and a bra that gave me plenty of lift, that was also red, slightly padded and when worn with this top made my tits look higher and even bigger than they really were. Then I got out a black lycra mini skirt that clung to my hips and thighs. I added a medium length jacket to my outfit and laid it out on the bed. I concluded this would look fine. He had said, Be as sexy as you can, but don't look like a tart. He wanted to be able to look at as much as I could show without other people seeing too much.

My phone bleeped again. I had another message from him. I read it:

CUM UP 2 MY ROOM @ HALF 12, I'LL B WAITING 4 U, I'll B UR BAD BOY ALL IN BLACK & IF UR GOOD THE BELTS COMING OFF! !

I was getting wet already. I wanted to cum right now, but I wasn't going to bother having one on my own when I could have a far better orgasm with Jonny, so I waited.  I replied:

YES PLEASE SMACK IT UR THE BOSS X  I'LL B ON MY KNEES 2 U SOON & U WILL LUV THE WAY I SUCK IT 4 U X

He replied:

U WILL TAKE IT ALL DOWN 4 ME. C U SOON XXX

The rest of the morning went slowly. I was wet and aching. I was ready to leave just after twelve and by the time I'd walked out the door I had wiped the juice from my cunt for a second time, still not wanting to stain my clothes, although I knew wearing black it was less likely to notice - all the same, I was so warm and aroused and damp that as I walked I was aware I could catch a whiff of the scent of my own juice - I smelled like sex! My clit was still throbbing, mostly from arousal and partly from my licking yesterday, every time I recalled that my clit ached even more, longing for more. I stopped in at the chemist and bought some lube - I couldn't use sex toys without it , even with all the juice I was capable of making. And of course, I was still scared at the thought of taking that monster vibrator, but scared in a good way - Jonny was dominating me, so I had no worries about getting hurt. At least, I was assuming he would know when to stop. Of course he knew, didn't he? The tiny element of uncertainty only added to my thrill.

By the time I got to the hotel, my legs were starting to feel like jelly - I was very, very excited.

But as I walked in through the entrance, he was standing there waiting for me.

I hadn't expected that. He knew it and smiled.

"I thought we might go for a drink first."

He hugged me.

"You look beautiful."

His hand slipped between my legs, up my skirt and brushed my wet cunt.

"That feels lovely."

It was a quick, discreet movement but as he touched me all my desire came spilling out and I gasped, he caught me as my legs wobbled.

"You're really turned on today!"He said, "I'll have to sort you out properly, won't I?"

Then he took my hand and led me in the bar, saying: "Let's have a drink..and try not to stain the seat with your cum!"

I felt a little self conscious as I walked through the bar, it was quite busy that day and I knew I was leaving a scent of pussy in my wake.  I sat down at the table and waited for him, as I looked at him standing at the bar I was ready to beg him to drag me upstairs right there and then. He had asked me how he could dress for me to turn me on. I'd said, wear black. There was something very sexual about a man dressed all in black, plus I thought it suited him. I loved the way his black jeans hugged his hips and the fact that he had left his black shirt open on the first three buttons, I wanted to undress him, run my hands over him. That leather belt he was wearing would soon be making friends with the cheeks of my arse and I welcomed it. And best of all he was wearing black leather shoes, I was longing to be told to kiss them, or even better, to clean them!  I wanted to be down on my knees now, this minute. He looked amazing, I wanted to worship him. He knew this but made me wait, he brought the drinks back and sat down, noticed I was looking a bit flushed and said quietly:

"Have you brought the toys with you?"

I nodded and passed him my bag under the table. He unzipped it and looked inside.

Then he took hold of the large vibrator and began to discreetly draw it out of the bag, just enough to look at it with out anyone else seeing. He was laughing and so was I.

"Don't do that in here!" I said

"I'm only looking."He replied, "I wanted to see how big it really was. I think you can take this..is it a quiet one?"

And he gave the base a twist.

A loud Bzzzzzzzzz filled the air and my face went bright red. He was able to control his laughter but I was giggling helplessly as half a dozen people near us turned around to see where the noise was coming from.

He zipped the bag up and gave it back to me.

"I think I'll leave that till later!"He told me.

Then he leaned closer and kissed me.

"After we finish these drinks I want you to leave the bar with me, and I'll take you back to my room. I'll be a bit more like a master when we are alone. I'll show you another side of me. I think you'll like it."

A thrill shot through me.

"I know I will."I replied.

I didn't have to wait long. When he was ready to go, he took me by the hand and said, "You're coming with me."

He led me through the bar, out the entrance and up to his room. Once he locked the door he took me firmly by the wrist and  twisted my arm behind my back. It wasn't a sharp or painful movement, but it trapped me and I wasn't expecting it.  He had placed a chair in the middle of the room and he led me over to it.  Then he took hold of the waistband of my skirt and dragged it downwards, ripping my skirt to the floor. Then he did the same with my top, ripping the seam as he pulled it from my body until I was left wearing only my bra.  Then he sat me in the chair, and to my surprise, held my arms behind my back and snapped cuffs on me.

"What are you doing?"I demanded.

As he looked at me, I saw a change in him, he was very calm and controlled, his eyes were like ice and there was no trace of the warm and funny guy who had toyed with the vibrator in the bar.

"I'm showing you who's boss."He told me, "You want to see another side of me - well I'm showing you. I'm going to show you how I'd treat you if I was interrogating you. I know how to do these things, believe me. And I won't stop till you give me the answer I need."

I hadn't been expecting this. I had to trust him (because I had been so sure about him, and now I had no choice), but I couldn't help but wonder, was I really safe? Had the pressure of his top secret work sent him a bit crazy?

"What's the question?"

"I'm not telling you yet, you'll only lie to me."He replied, and took a pair of sharp scissors from the dresser nearby.

He could hear the fear in my voice as he came closer, but ignored me, telling me to keep still unless I wanted to get hurt.

Jonny cut through the straps of my bra, then cut again between the cups and pulled it away from my body.

That had been an expensive bra, but I wasn't about to protest while he was in this mode.

He put the scissors back on the dresser and  ran his hands over my tits. I was so helplessly aroused that even though he was unnerving me, I still couldn't stop my nipples growing even harder beneath his touch. Then he put his hands on my thighs and spread my legs apart, as wide as they would go. He got down on his knees and licked me gently, as the juice started flowing out of me he did it much harder, very hard and I struggled against  the cuffs as I tried desperately to press my cunt harder against him. He knew I would have cum if he carried on much longer, so he stopped. He stopped and I ached for more.

"I'm not making you come."He told me, and dragged me to my feet and led me over to the wall. He unlocked the cuffs but I was far from free.

"Turn and face the wall."He told me, "And put your hands against the wall where I can see them and don't move or I'll cuff you again, understand?"

I nodded and stood facing the wall, not knowing what would happen next.

Then I heard a sound that made me go weak at the knees. He was unbuckling his belt. He slid it off and folded it over in his hand.

"Keep still and don't shout or cry or beg me to stop. Because I won't stop till I'm ready."He told me, and brought the belt down on my arse with a sharp crack. The blow was hard but not brutal, enough to sting, it made my flesh wobble and as the pain registered and I waited for the next blow my cunt ached to feel him inside me and my clit was swelling and begging for release.  He smacked me again and again, not hard enough to hurt me, just enough to leave me with the reminder of this everytime I sat down for the next couple of days. He was very controlled with that belt, very careful not to go too far. He slapped me a few more times, gave me one final slap that was somewhat harder than the rest and then ordered me over to the bed. I thought he was going to let me lie down, open my legs and lick me again and make me come like he had the day before - I was wrong. He turned me sideways so I could see my red arse in the mirror.

"Better?" He demanded.

I nodded.

"Thank you."

"Thank you, what?"

"Thank you, Master."

"Now sit on the bed and open your legs."

I hesitated, not sure what was coming next.

"Sit on the bed and open your legs, please. Or I will have to tie you up."

I froze. He knew I didn't like that.

"Do I have to tie you up?"

"No, Master."

I got on the bed, spread my legs.

"Lay down on your back."

I laid back, tensing as he picked up my bag and tipped everything out on the dresser. He picked up the clit pump.

"I need lube."I said quietly.

He sat between my open legs and gently rubbed my clit with his fingertip. Juice ran out of me and he slid it up and down quickly.

"Not any more."He replied, and held me open and pressed the cylinder firmly over my exposed clit. He squeezed the pump slowly, halfway. I was relieved he hadn't done it hard, but all the same, the pressure drew my clit sharply upwards and the suction held it there, pulling my clit upwards by an inch until it filled the small cylinder. Then he started giving tiny, tiny little squeezes to the pump, making the tip of my clit tap against the top of its confined space, he kept this up as he talked to me:

"Do you think you might want to talk now? Are you ready to answer my question?"

My cunt was taken over with the sensation of what he was doing to me.

"Yes, Master.."

He pressed the release valve and the suction let go.

"I don't think you are."He said, and squeezed the pump harder. My clit was drawn upwards and held in the rigid suction. I started to throb. It made me whine and struggle helplessly.

"Don't move."He told me, and began to cover that spiked vibrator of mine with a lot of lubrication, using up almost half the tube in the process. Then he turned the vibrator on.

"You will take as much of this as I choose to give you."He told me, and sank the tip into my swollen vagina.

The soft spikes gave me hundreds of tiny vibrations, all spiralling into my nerves and making me ache for more, I cried out as he slid it in another four inches. It had filled me up and was still arousing me, he was pushing it ever so gently but firmly, in and out by a fraction, pushing deeper with every inward movement.

The pump was still holding my clit like a vice. He pressed the button on the bottom of the cylinder and  vibrations began to fill the sillicone tube that embraced my swollen clit. As he pushed the vibrator deeper and my body accepted it gratefully he switched off the pump vibe, then without bothering to press the valve, snapped the cyliner away from my body and my clit came free with a pop,

he carried on with the vibrator but now his mouth was over my clit, licking me and for a couple of minutes, I could feel only the gentlest of sensations, the suction had made my swollen clit feel to me like soft, warm sponge, then I became more aware of the sharpest, strongest feelings as my clit came alive and every flick of his tongue made me gasp. He licked me harder, and I could take no more as an orgasm burst through my cunt and spread through my body with a speed of beautiful and devastating suddenness that made me go limp as I lay there, breathless and reaching for Jonny.

He had taken the vibrator out and my vagina was still echoing the last of the throbbing contractions that had made it grab that vibrator and hug it in blissfulness, I was weak and needed to lie there for a moment.

But he was still master.

"Get up,"He told me, "It's time to get on your knees."

I opened my eyes and dragged myself off the bed, moving about on shaky legs as I stood before him. I wanted to kiss and hold him, but he was still commanding me.

"Get on your knees and suck my cock, please."He said firmly.

I sank to my knees,  pausing only to kiss his shoes. As he got his cock out I looked up at him, felt blessed and in awe of the absolute power he had over me at this moment and I was truly unable to put into words the beauty of how I felt, on my knees, ready to serve him. He looked so handsome, standing there, looking down at me and telling me to suck.

I took him in my mouth gratefully, sucking him deeply, wishing I could spend my life with his cock in my mouth. My lips slid up and down the shaft of his cock, I sucked at the same time, while I sucked I paused to lick the head and tease him before sucking him back down, I did not move from my position on the floor, I stayed there, on my knees, my mouth sliding up and down his hard on, over and over as I tasted him, enjoyed the feel of his hardness in my mouth, around my lips, feeling honoured to be performing this act on the man who had made me cum so hard, who I had wanted for so very long. He slid his hand to the back of my head and gripped my hair gently, encouraging me to slide it in and out, sucking deeper, harder, in and out of my mouth.

He whispered he was coming and I sucked harder, slower, as he reached orgasm I held him in my mouth, sucking every drop of his cum into my mouth, sucking and swallowing until every last drop was gone.  Then he drew me back onto the bed, now he was breathless and perspiring, that orgasm had been every bit as good as mine and when he took me into his arms, I saw only love in his eyes once more.

"You liked that?"

I nodded.

He smiled.

"Then I'll ask you, now...How long have you been in love with me?"

I laughed. So THAT was what he was going to ask me!

I looked into his eyes.

"Since the first moment I saw you, and ever since from that day. A long time, Jonny."

And he kissed me, held me and told me he loved me, too.

And then I felt truly happy. I rested in his arms feeling that, for once in my life, I'd really had a dream come true.

When I got ready to leave, I realised that during our game my top had got torn. He told me he wouldn't have me going home in ripped clothes, and took off his shirt and gave it to me.

I slept in his shirt that night, feeling wonderful to be constantly wrapped in something that had been close to his skin, surrounding  me with the scent of my lover. That was the day I realised I would love him for the rest of my life. 

I knew not everything in my world was perfect. I knew nothing ever would be. I was happy to love him and be with him but at the back of my mind I kept thinking about what he had said about how he got those bruises. It made me wonder what else he had to face, what other dangers were out there that would one day creep up on me and give me something to really worry about. A hostage situation suggested he must have been armed. He would not have gone into a situation like that without a weapon.  So I decided to ask him when I met with him later that evening. I knew he wasn't going to tell me everything about it, but he could at least tell me the truth, even if it didn't exactly put my mind at rest.

I'd agreed to meet him at seven in the evening. I had no idea what , if anything, he had planned for tonight and if he just wanted to take me in his arms and hold me I would have been happy with that after everything we had done the day before. I turned up early, half an hour earlier to be exact - and as I walked towards the entrance of the hotel, I stopped in my tracks.

Jonny was in the car park, standing next to his car. A woman was with him. Tall and dark, rather butch looking. They were deep in conversation.  I could tell by the way she leaned in close to him that she would like to get a lot closer if she could but he didn't seem to notice, either that or he wasn't interested in her in that way. He listened while she talked. Then he talked to her and she fell silent. I was too far away to hear what they were saying, and by now I was watching them from around the corner, not wanting to be seen. Their conversation carried on for quite some time, then she got into the car next to Jonny's and drove away. I came out of my hiding place and called his name as he was walking back towards the hotel.

"Sorry,"I said, "I was a bit early...I saw you talking to that woman. Looks like she had a lot to say."

"Nothing I couldn't handle."He replied.

"Is she a friend?"

A friend, as in, is she another lover and are you fucking her? I had that tone in my voice, I couldn't help it. Five minutes after meeting him we had been in his room. I didn't doubt that he cared for me but if I was one of many I at least had the right to know.

He looked at me like I'd just said something funny.

"That sort of 'friend?" He said, and he laughed, "No, that's Celeste. She's my boss! I wouldn't fuck her, she's horrible, she acts like a man! She seems to think she's got bigger balls than all the men in my unit put together - she probably has, too, but there's no way I'm finding out!"

"Sorry, I just thought, the way she was leaning and getting close, looked to me like she's really got a thing for you."

"I have had that said to me before,"He told me, "Let's not go there or I really won't want any dinner tonight!"

Then he put his arm around me and we went inside. Over dinner we talked some more, but I didn't ask him about his work, I didn't need to - he told me all I needed to know.

"She came to see me to apologise for suspending me - she's had a change of heart, she said I can go back in six weeks. And she tried to have a go at me for walking out and not handing in one of my firearms but I got around that."

"So you carry a gun?"

"Most of the time, I have to. Depends on the situation."

"So if you didn't hand it in where is it?"

"In the car, under the passenger seat."

"Will you show me?"

All my worry about Jonny and guns had vanished for a moment. A weapon had great potential for a game. I could picture it now, so many possibilities! He could force me to suck him at gun point. Or abduct me in his car, take me somewhere quiet and force me to submit...

But he saw the sparkle in my eyes and quickly cancelled that idea for me.

"No, we are not using my gun in our sex life. I don't actually like guns, I hate them but I have to carry one because of the nature of my work. Sometimes things get really nasty and I only use it if I have to. But it depends what I'm sent to do. It's not the best way to earn a living."

And I wondered, had he ever been sent to kill anyone? I didn't have time to think about that because he said something else that took the conversation onto another track.

" I got shot once,"He told me, "Years ago, when I was in the army. It was very bad, almost killed me. But after that I left and I got into intelligence work and I've been there ever since."

Jonny had been shot? I hadn't noticed any scars on his body. But I guess I wouldn't have noticed, the first time we slept together I was so excited all I wanted to do was make love to him at long last and yesterday he had kept his clothes on during our sex game. I was pretty sure when he took his shirt off and gave it to me I had'nt seen any scars. But I wasn't looking for it.

"It must have been hard to go back to handling guns after something like that."

"Yes and no,"He told me, "The kind of situation where I use one now is very different to a war situation. But it still feels the same in a lot of ways. I just try and make sure I don't get shot again, it bloody hurts taking a bullet. But I've learned how to get past that  fear. I'll show you something after dinner."

And then he added quickly: "No, it's not sexual so don't get turned on just yet, we can do that later!"

After dinner he took me out to his car. He told me to get in and once we were both in the car he glanced around to make sure no one was looking and reached under my seat.

"I'm not doing this to scare you,"He told me, "I just want to know what you feel when I do it."

And he aimed the gun at me, holding it in both hands, with a firm, experienced aim. Even the look in his eyes had changed. This was Jonny handling the tools of his trade.

"Is it loaded?" I asked him.

"Yes, it is. Tell me how it feels."

"It's scary."I said, "I'm scared it's going to go off. I feel like I just want to get out of the way, to run."

Jonny lowered the gun, then carefully put it back under the seat.

"That's what most people feel when they get a gun stuck in their face. They look down the barrel, they think about the damage a bullet could do with one squeeze of the trigger and they panic, or worse they freeze and do nothing. With me I've had to get past the natural urge to run away and keep going as if the gun's not pointed at me. It's hard to explain. I have to go against my own nature to do it, but I've been doing it so long it just comes easily to me now. If someone points a weapon at me I have to either disarm them or try to and hope that if I do get shot it won't be fatal. But I don't get into those situations often so it's not that bad."

Something had just crept up on me and it amazed me that I hadn't realised before - the night we met, there had been a shooting. There had to be a link.

"Remember the night we first met? The shooting  - was that you?"

"I was sent to take him out, yes. Believe me that man was involved in stuff you can't even imagine. He had the potential to be very dangerous to a lot of people. He had some very, very bad connections and there was no other way. I'm perfectly satisfied that I've done the world a favour. I haven't had to carry out a job like that very often, it's very rare that anyone in my unit would be asked to do something like that and I can't tell you all the details but if you knew, you would understand. But yes, I did like you and I wished when I saw you that I was just an ordinary bloke on a night out. And when I saw you standing there with glass in your hand there was no way I was going to leave you like that. And I never forgot you, either. I've always loved you, too."

Knowing what had happened made no difference to how I felt about him.

I took him in my arms and we kissed, neither of us wanting to pull away.

When he did pull away I saw desire in his eyes.

He started the car and we went for a drive. For a while he said nothing, as if talking about the darker side of his life had clouded his thoughts and he needed to push all that away again. The sky was dark by now and we turned off the highway and onto a narrow country lane. He pulled over beside some dark woodland.

"I've got something for you."

Knowing Jonny, it could be anything. I was aroused in a second, my juice running and my clit swelling.

He took something out of his pocket and showed it to me.

"I bought this today. I thought you might like to wear it."

I looked at it, turning the beautiful thing over in my hands.

It was a slender leather collar with the word SUBMISSIVE written on it. I put it around my neck and smiled.

"Thank you, Master."

"Now get out of the car, pull your skirt up to your hips and lean over the front of the car with your legs open."

I didn't need to be told twice.

As soon as I was standing there, leaning over, he gave my arse a slap with his hand. It made me open my legs wider still.

He placed his hands on my hips. Then he teased me by pressing his cock against me, just enough to let me know I was going to be fucked.

"Oh please, do it!" I begged him.

He slammed into me hard, I cried out with every thrust and knowing there was no one to hear us made it even better, and every time he slammed into me I felt a deeper thrill. Then we saw headlights in the distance. As they got closer he fucked me harder, then pulled out.

"Quick, suck it before the car gets here!"

I took him in my mouth and sucked hard and fast, he held me by the hair and shoved it deep, coming hard. I sucked and swallowed and he pulled out of my mouth and zipped himself up. As I got in the car he looked at me and laughed.

"You've got spunk round your mouth!"

I checked in the mirror. He was right, I had a tiny spot of semen at the corner of my mouth. I wiped it off. As we drove away, the approaching car came closer and eventually overtook us. Seeing it was a police car made it even funnier.

We both laughed as the car disappeared out of sight.

"What would have happened if they'd seen us having sex?"

"Nothing,"Jonny said, "I would have shown them my ID and they would have apologised and called me Sir and gone on their way, they don't mess with the big boys."

He took me back to the hotel. We went straight to his room and he got on the bed and told me to lay with him. I got undressed, I was naked except for my collar and Jonny had taken off his shirt. As I lay there running my hand down his chest I thought again about what he had told me. There wasn't a mark on him that I could see.

"Where was you shot?"

"In the Falklands War."

"No, I mean, where?"

He laughed.

"I know what you mean. I'll show you."

He took the rest of his clothes off and lay beside me again, and ran his hand over a deep scar just above his pubic hair.

"That's a bullet wound."He told me, "From my army days. A proper war wound."

"That looks like it must have really hurt."

"It did, I told you, it nearly killed me. It still hurts sometimes."

"Really?"

"Yes, there's nothing I can do about it, but apparently blow jobs are meant to help!"

I looked at him. Then I realised he was kidding.

"So if it starts aching I'll just let you know my war wound hurts and you'll know what to do about it, ok?"

"You bet I know what to do!" I promised him.

He ran his hand over the scar again.

"It stopped hurting years ago but it's a nice code for telling you to suck me off especially if other people can hear our conversation."

"Good idea."I replied, knowing full well that I would have a lot of fun with this game. Jonny knew how to play games just like I did. I gave the scar a rub with my fingertips. His cock was already getting hard again, it was all that talk about sucking that had done it for him, and for me, I was longing to taste his cum in my mouth again - and this time, with no interruptions, I could swallow it all properly.

"How is it feeling at the moment?"I asked him.

"Actually, it's hurting quite a lot. I think you need to sort me out right now. In fact I'm telling you to!"

I kissed the scar, then slid my mouth slowly downwards and took his cock in my mouth, sucking slowly and gently until he was properly hard, then I paused to lick all the way up the length of his cock, before sliding it back into my mouth and sucking harder while my lips slid up and down his erection and he got harder still, when he came he shot his load hot and fast into my mouth and this time I took it all down, then sucked him clean. As he pulled out of my mouth I placed a gentle kiss on his balls. He was still sensitive from the orgasm and the touch made him shiver.

"That was lovely."He said, holding me closer.

And that was how we started. We saw a lot of each other while he was off work, then he had to go back and for the first few months, I'd worry if he was late calling but he would always get in touch, always assure me he was okay. We carried on meeting and our fun and games just got better. Cock sucking became a regular favourite, with him very fond of mentioning when we were out in a public place that his war wound was aching, then we would go somewhere quiet and I'd give him head, then we would carry on with our evening, knowing this was a game the two of us shared in secret.  Sometimes we just enjoyed each other's company, kissing, cuddling, talking about anything and everything. Other times he would make it clear he would be making my arse go very red and even estimated the number of days till I'd be able to sit down again without feeling it, then there was the time he ordered me to wear a PVC mini dress that clung to me like a second skin, and shoes so high I could barely stand, but as he said, I wouldn't be standing for long and he was right - that dress ended up covered in cum by the end of the night.

He bought me a gold identity bracelet that had my name engraved on it. But if I turned it over it said 'SLAVE'.

I never took it off.

And I thought things would always be this way. Now and then, I'd think about the gun he carried, about the life he led but I'd always tell myself, nothing would happen to him. I knew he was strong, he was a survivor, his old scar told me that. And he wouldn't be doing the job he did now if he wasn't the best man to be doing it. I had seen the bruises he carried when we met, I knew he wasn't made of steel but all the same, I told myself : It will never happen.

And then, it did happen.

And I was left facing a wall of silence because his job was so secret I wasn't permitted to be told anything.

That wall of silence stayed up for more than two weeks.

Part Three: Later

Knowing nothing, being told nothing, was worse than any kind of bad news Celeste could have given me on the day of the shooting. All I had was memories and uncertainty, other times I'd feel sure he was dead and tell myself I had to accept this before it was confirmed to me because if I held on to any kind of hope it would only make the pain worse when I knew the truth.

I would never know another man like Jonny, nor would I ever love anyone else the way I loved him. Sometimes I was angry because he had chosen to live a life that had led to this, other times I thought about the brave man who had lived with so much danger and adversity and I felt proud of him. Either way, I loved him with all of my heart, I had loved him from the day we met and even though I was grateful for the time we had spent together, I had my regrets : Life was short, I wished we had got together sooner. I wished we could have had the time to do other things, like build a proper relationship.  Maybe the day would have come when he would have handed in his gun and lived a quieter life. I could have lived that life with him.  At times when he had dominated me, he sometimes used to slide his cock in me and tell me he was going to cum deep inside me, he didn't care that I wasn't on the pill, he just wanted a fuck and it wasn't up to me. Of course he never really did it, that was just part of a game to assert himself over me, but now I wished he had come inside me and got  me pregnant. At least now I would have his child instead of being left with nothing but pain at his loss. That was something I had to stop thinking about quickly because if I let myself dwell on the what ifs I knew I would be swallowed up by my sadness.

I was at home when I had an unexpected visitor.

The door bell rang and I answered it, my thoughts still with Jonny.

I stared at the caller. I had not expected Celeste to turn up on my doorstep.

"Can I come in?"She asked me.

I just opened the door up and let her in, too scared to ask anything, just hoping she would not bring the bad news I was expecting.

We went through to the livingroom and she sat down. I sat down with her. Nothing about her eyes or her voice gave me any clue at all. If anything, she still looked a little emotional.

"I realise it's been difficult for you not knowing anything, but I wasn't aware of your relationship with him. If Jonny had told me about you a long time ago I could have said more, but he keeps everything so private. Because of his position there is protocol to follow and a lot of red tape and I'm sorry you were shut out like that. I can tell you everything now, and I will, I promise. I feel really bad about shutting you out because I know the facts now and that's why Im here to explain. I could have sent someone else but I thought it best if it came from me because you know me."

I wasn't sure if she was apologising or preparing me for the worst. She was talking about him as if he was still alive, or at least, I wanted to think so, but I couldn't really think straight right now.

"Just tell me, please."

"I'll tell you everything but you have to understand the situation. The official story will be that Agent Jasper Fox One - that was his codename - was involved in an incident two weeks ago and died from gun shot wounds."

That was all I heard. I had been dreading those words and now she had said them I knew she was still talking but the pain in my chest cancelled it all out. I was sobbing and my eyes were stinging with tears.

Celeste took hold of my hands.

"Eve, listen to me."She was saying.

I blinked and her face came into focus.

"Jonny's not dead. He's alive, he's okay. But after the shooting he doesn't feel he should stay in the service. He thinks his lucks run out and he's resigned. He's starting a new life with a new identity. We've got the people who arranged the shooting, so all that is over now. But officially, it's better if we say he's dead, that way he won't have to spend his life looking over his shoulder, do you understand?"

In a second all the pain I felt had disappeared. The tears I wiped away now were tears of relief.

"He's really okay?"

"Well, it looked bad at first, and it wasn't exactly a minor injury, but when the gunman came at him, he grabbed the gun and although he couldn't avoid being shot, he was able to drag it over a few inches and that made all the difference. You know Jonny, he never backs away from a gun. And that saved his life. The bullet went in his side and missed his vital organs. But the bullet went straight through him, so your boyfriend's got two new scars now, the entry wound and the exit wound but he's healing quickly. As soon as I sorted him a new place to live he discharged himself from hospital. And he wants to see you, he's really missed you. I promised I'd come and fetch you myself."

"Let's go now." I said quickly.

"Just slow down, Eve - "She told me, "There's no rush, pack somethings and I'll be ready to go when you are. And remember, he might say he's fine but he's not, he's still recovering. So be gentle with him, look after him."

"I'll bear that in mind."I said, and rushed upstairs to pack.

In a moment all my sadness had gone and now I just wanted to be in his arms. I grabbed my biggest suitcase and began folding a few regular items of clothing.

Then I thought, what else? After all he had been through, I wanted my man in my arms again. I wanted to look sexy for him. There was a lot of room left in that case. I put in two big handfuls of sexy underwear, thongs, bras, that pvc dress, those shoes that were so high I couldn't walk in them, two big tubes of lube, my collar,  all my sex toys.  And then I closed the case, pulled the zip and forced the lock to click shut.

Now I was ready to go!

When I got to the top of the stairs, Celeste was at the bottom by the front door,  I was struggling to slide the case down and said:

"Shall I give you a hand with that?"

"No, "I said, "No thanks, I can manage.."

And I carried on dragging it down the stairs.

"I have to say, "Celeste remarked, "You're one lucky woman to have Jonny. A lot of the girls at work lust after him. And a few of the guys really envy him, too. And to be honest, I've always fancied him a bit. And you've got him. I don't know what your secret is!"

She was about to find out. I'd been in such a hurry to pack, I hadn't shut the case properly. The lock sprang open and the zip slid back and the contents of my case went rolling down the stairs, landing at her feet in a heap.

She stared downwards for a moment, then as it registered she was literally up to her ankles in lingerie and sex toys she glanced at me and her face turned scarlet.

"I'll wait for you in the car." She said quickly, and kicked her foot free from the air tube of my clit pump with a confused expression as if to say, what's that? 

Then she made a swift exit.

I was on the verge of bursting into a fit of laughter as I (carefully) placed my case in the back of her car.  She said little as we drove and kept her eyes on the road. She was trying to hide her embarrassment - I was very surprised a woman like Celeste would be shocked at sex toys but everyone was different, not every woman owned a vibrator, or several like I did. But all the same, I could just picture Jonny's face when I told him. He would find the whole thing hilarious. By the time we reached our destination the case incident had stopped being funny. All I could think about was holding him in my arms again. 

We had parked outside a rather nice house on the better side of my town.

"I asked him where he wanted to go and he said he wanted to be close to you."She told me.

Celeste left me to take my case from the car. I dragged it up the path as she was unlocking the front door and as she went inside, I followed and left it in the hallway.

The house was quiet.

"Where is he?"

Celeste lowered her voice.

"He's probably asleep, I told you, he really needs to rest."

She led me up the stairs and tapped lightly on the bedroom door.

"Jonny,"She said softly, "It's only me.."

Getting no reply, she opened the door quietly.

Jonny was asleep on top of the bed. He was dressed but his shirt was open and his wound was covered with bandages.

I blinked away tears, only a short while ago I'd truly believed I would never see him again, now he was here, safe and sound and he was never going back to that dangerous life again. Now he was safe, with me.

Celeste put the keys on the table.

"I'll leave those here for you."She told me, "I won't be needing them again."

And her eyes lingered on Jonny as he slept, then she said: "Tell him I said  goodbye."

I nodded, and sat quietly next to Jonny and gently kissed his cheek. He was deeply asleep and didn't stir.

As she turned to leave I guessed why she was so sad, the look in her eyes said it all: She knew she had no chance with him. Not she had ever had a chance with him, but I was too kind and too happy right now to be as cruel as to tell her that. She left quietly, as the front door closed behind her, Jonny opened his eyes.

"Has she gone ?"

"Yes."

"Thank god for that!"

He cautiously put his hand against his healing scar as he sat up.

"I wasn't really asleep,"He told me, "I just wanted her to leave! "

I laughed.  Then our eyes met.

"I have really missed you so much."He said, and wrapped his arms around me.

He held me as tightly as he could and at last our lips touched and we kissed like we never wanted to stop. When we did stop, I was still a little tearful, and so was he. I lay in his arms for a while. We both took comfort from our closeness, after all that had happened and our time apart, we needed that.

"So what are you going to do now?"I asked him.

"Anything I like."He told me, "It all changes now, I don't have to think about a massive risk factor in my life any more. We can do anything we want to do."

I gently touched his bandage.

"Does it still hurt?"

"It's very sore."He told me, "When I move, cough or laugh, it really hurts me."

And I decided, better leave the story about his ex-boss ankle deep in sex toys till his scar was healed.

"Can I do anything to make you feel better?"I asked him.

"It's enough that you're here,"He said, "And I'm sorry you had to wait so long to see me. I couldn't do a thing about it, not till they told me about the arrangements, I couldn't see you until everything was sorted out. Under the circumstances it was safer for you that way."

"I know, I understand, Celeste explained. She told me everything."

"I really thought my luck had run out when that gun went off." He said, "It made me think about my life. I decided I'd rather spend it with you and be happy than go back to dodging bullets."

He was stroking my hair as he looked into my eyes.

"I really do love you."

"I know, and I love you, too." I replied.

Then he thought of something.

"Actually, there is something you can do for me."

"Anything, just ask, you're my lover and my master and I want to make you happy."

"There's only one thing that takes the edge off this pain."He explained, "Blow jobs."

And I laughed. He did too, but not too hard because his scar wouldn't let him.

"Really,"He told me, "It does help! There was this blonde sexy nurse with big tits and no knickers who sucked my cock every day while I was recovering - Celeste wanted to suck it as well but they said no because it would have made me worse not better!"

Then as he laughed he gripped his side and drew in a deep breath, and I decided I was definitely right not to tell him about her and the sex toys just yet.

"I'm only joking,"He said, "I hated being in there. I just wanted to be with you again. But believe me, when I'm healed I'm going to open your legs and show you who's boss. And I'll come inside you. And I'll keep coming inside you till you're pregnant."

"I can take it,"I told him, "I'll go through nine months of discomfort and then childbirth - I'm submissive, I'll do pain for you!"

I'd said it lightly but there was an intensity burning in his eyes that made my heart miss a beat like it did on the day we met.

"I'm serious."He said, "I want to."

I smiled. This was more than I'd ever dreamed possible. But now there was no more danger in his life, he was thinking about the things that he wanted - me and a family. I could hardly wait. I'd always secretly imagined what Jonny would be like as a husband and father, and now it was coming true.

"As soon as you're feeling better."I told him, "Until then you have to rest, let me take care of you."

"I'm all yours."He said, and got his cock out.

"Better start sucking before my new war wound starts hurting."he told me, "I really need you to swallow my cum."

I took him gratefully in my mouth, sucking him slowly and gently. As each sliding movement of my lips caressed him I knew the pleasure was making him forget all about his aching scar. He came hard and I sucked firmly, drinking it down as the orgasm throbbed through his body.

Then he held me in his arms again and we both slept,  as Jonny rested I dreamed of a girl who wrote a poem long ago about the man she loved. The words of that verse danced through my mind once again and when I woke and he was beside me, looking into my eyes,  I realised I now knew some things I hadn't realised before - firstly, that  all of life and the bad times that went with it were actually good, because everything had led me to where I was now. And the second thing was this: Sometimes, if you dare to reach out for what you want, you really do get it in the end.

The End