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THE TALE OF PRETTY ASS
BY PAUL ALEXANDER
CHAPTER FOUR
While preparing her Master's dinner, she lets her mind drift back to that fateful day.
"So, you've seen the shop, had a look at some of my work, perhaps you could fill me in on what sort of thing you're looking for."
"Well sure, but can I have some more of this coffee first, please? I'd like to try it without additives, this time"
"I think we have the technology to handle that...there you go, now just sit down in the nook and tell me about what you need."
"You mean... besides a big, strong man to run my life?" She said with a teasing grin.
"Madam... that constitutes something perilously close to... flirting... watch yourself... you could easily get into trouble here!" this with a thunderous, and obviously fake, glower.
"OK, O.K.... I'll be good...basically... what I'm looking for is a... sort of combination ...coffee table/storage chest. My living room is fairly big but... it doesn't have much ...closet space, in fact, the whole apartment is kind of... short on that."
"I think it would make more sense to be... having this conversation.... there... I can't even speculate.... about possible designs.... until I see the space I have to work with."
"No problem, my place is near Yonge and Eglinton, it's just over an hours drive, if you like, I could drive you in and bring you back here when you're done, that is, if you don't mind taking off the rest of today?"
"Well, I still have an hour's worth of jointing to do on all this Cocobolo, do you mind waiting?"
"Not at all, I love the smell in here, I'll just sit here out of the way and sip my coffee 'till you're ready."
An hour later, driving to T.O., the conversation was the usual intro stuff, plays they'd seen, favourite dinners, the merits of real chocolate versus Nestle's etc.
"Nice little place you have here, bit of parkland to see from the balcony, no overhanging buildings...very nice, I like it."
"Thank you, it's comfortable for a single girl.... I still miss the house but... Mom and I decided it was too big for... the two of us and then she had to go out to Vancouver to look after her sister. Without the two of them, I... would just have been... rattling around in that place and ...besides, this place is only a half hour walk to work, I hate driving in the city, there's.... never a place to park."
"Yeah, right, I try to avoid it as much as I can...... OK, so tell me more about this ....thingy... you want me to build."
"Well, you can see I don't really have room for... a dining table, but an ...oversized coffee table would... work for me, a few cushions on the..floor, people.. kneel ...or sit cross legged or whatever."
"And you would want it for this open area underneath the spider plants?"
"Um;hmm"
"How big were you thinking of?"
"I guess the key dimension would be for the space underneath, maybe, five foot by three foot by twenty inches. The top could overhang about six inches all around, I guess that would be all right."
"Let me think for a minute...... OK... look,... I don't want to embarrass you or anything, ...but whatever this thing is for, it ain't storage... now... it's nothing to me what you want to do with it ...but I can't do a proper piece of work unless I know the details... I mean,.. if you're going to be standing on it, ...that affects how I build the top, and I need to know what will be going inside before I design the box, I mean, does the top slide off, or fold up, or is there a door in the side, or the end or what?"
"Just out of curiosity... how did you know I'd be... standing ...on it?"
"Two spider plants hanging from hooks four inches below the ceiling... right in the middle of your living room... about four feet apart... I don't think so... nice camouflage though... and then you want the table to be twenty inches high, those hooks are four inches below the ceiling... you're about five four so if you stretch your arms up ...you could just about reach ...if you stood on tiptoe... I'll bet that's the ...object of the exercise but I don't quite see the ...storage space."
"Is there any... Sherlock Holmes... in your blood? OK, well, I told you there was no boyfriend, nor much of a chance of meeting one with all the hours I work and I don't think I'd trust one of them to do what I need anyway, not without getting carried away but I need...."
"Bondage, so you do it for yourself. Still kinda dangerous, though, what happens if you get stuck?"
"Well, I generally have.. two..alternate methods of... getting loose, one fairly easy, one... hard, and I'm always careful and if I want to.. try something..dangerous, ...I always arrange for a... girlfriend to check up on me."
"So what about this storage space... how were you thinking of using that?"
"I'd like to make it into a little sleep... cell, maybe a bit of padding in the bottom, not too much, it's not supposed to be comfortable... and a... narrow little gate at one end that's on a... time lock."
"What if the timelock jams, or something?"
"Well, the alternate would be.. that the top lifts like the.. door on a cellar.. so it would be easy to push up but ...I would set something.... messy... I don't know, maybe, a bucket of paint or ...used motor oil or something on top so I'd really... not want to use the escape hatch in ...anything less than a genuine emergency."
OK, I think we can handle this, construction should be fairly easy... what would you say to red Cherry for the bulk of it with Ebony trim, corner posts, edging,.. like that?"
"Mostly red, with lots of black,.. sounds just like a.. dungeon,... seems kind of appropriate, I like it."
Yeah, that's sort of what I was thinking; now then, I've enough Cherry in stock but the Ebony supply is pretty low, I'll have to order some in, it'll take me about a month to assemble, another week for cleanup and finishing, still have to find the timelock, hinges for the top are no problem... brass or... strap iron?"
"Ooh, strap iron, don't you think?"
"Yeah, I reckon."
"Well, if you're okay with building this, how much do you want now, I mean I have a couple of thousand put aside, will that be enough?"
"Oh, plenty, a grand to be going on with, the rest when I deliver the piece."
"Hey, wait a second,..what about your ankles while you hang from the ceiling?"
"Oh, no problem",
she goes to the closet, returns with
" I always wear a spreader bar, I haven't... had my ankles together.. in years, here now, just let me get my chequebook.....there you go, I dated it for Monday, is that all right?"
"Oh, sure, I couldn't order the wood till then anyway. Now, I guess it's time I was"
"Can I talk you into.... going out to... dinner... please,... you're the first man I've ever been.. able to.. talk with about...all this."
"I don't think I'm really dressed for dinner but I've some... munchies in the fridge at home... if that works for you?"
"If those munchies include... breakfast,.. then I'm in."
"Pack an overnight bag, then and... lets be off."
End of chapter four