Past The Point of Pain By True’s Doll-Ann

Since I have been with my Master we have explored many limits and why I have them. One activity I have struggled with for a long time is due to past abuse from my ex-husband Dick, anal sex has not been an easy boundary for me to have tested.

When Dick and I first began our sexual relationship we each had an open mind about many things, exploration with new activities was never an issue. We both seem to always enjoy testing ourselves and each other, and never had we considered anything we did together as abnormal. Soon after we were married though, things began to change in Dick’s psychological makeup.

I was working when we were first married and Dick worked and also attended a trade school. Things weren’t always easy and we had our share of struggles just as many other newly weds. Young and newly married we had all the usual pressures, bills for the first time in our lives, the thought of children and when would be the best time to start a family. Several months after we were married I got sick and was unable to work for a long time. I lost my job which didn’t make the problems with the mounting bills any easier. Children still were not an issue, even though I badly wanted to be a mother even in spite of the struggling we were going through. He was adamant, no children until he finished school. Looking back on things now, so many years ago, I believe that his decision not to have kids right away was probably the only thing Dick was ever right about.

Our sex life had always been good, and the fact neither of us was afraid to explore and entertain our open mindedness kept things in the bedroom new, fresh and exciting. We didn’t have a lot of money to go out often but we were able to spend a little money on a few sexual aids to help enhance and broaden the field of sexual fulfillment. Before our second wedding anniversary we had several dildos and vibrators, and then about a month before we were to celebrate the first two years, he came home with something new, an anal plug.

That night was wild, I enjoyed the feeling of opening up and trying something that was considered so taboo, or so I thought. Things were good, we were happy, but that happiness was to be very short lived.

Our sexual happiness began it’s down hill decline after that night, in fact looking back on it all now, I think I can safely use the term “those days were numbered”. It wasn’t even two weeks before he came home again with another surprise. But this time it wasn’t a new toy, and it also wasn’t one of those rare pay raises we craved and became elated over when they appeared on his checks. No, he came home one night with an invitation to a church from one of his coworkers.

From the moment we stepped into the “church” which wasn’t a real church as I knew growing up, things changed between us. This new and unconventional church wasn’t even in a church type building, the meetings were broke down and called cell groups and main central teachings. Home teachings were what they called each small group of people that would meet in someone’s home every week. Central teachings were when all the many smaller home teaching groups throughout the city would come together and meet in a converted warehouse. Cell groups were even smaller groups formed from the home teaching members, broken down into women’s cells and men’s cells. I couldn’t help but feel that something wasn’t right. I worried why he couldn’t see what I did in these people.

Using the word fanatic seems only partially fitting to help describe this new group of friends he was making and forcing into our lives. A cult was another term that kept popping up into my thoughts but I could never prove anything until our marriage had disintegrated into something I no longer recognized. It took years, and the birth of our first two children before I could get him to see the unhealthiness of these people.

During that time though from the beginning of his religious fanaticism and until I could convince him that this church was not where we belonged, Dick had changed into this person I feared.

Soon after he began going to meetings, he made me walk behind him and not with him holding his hand. If I did anything to anger him I suffered for days with painful bruising, knocked out teeth, broken bones, and lest I mention all the different cigarette burns and other various injuries and humiliations, none of which could ever be mistaken as consensual kink.

Violence had become a mainstay in my home. I feared him more with each passing year. It wasn’t long after the beatings and verbal and emotional abuse started that marital rape became my constant nightmare that I couldn’t seem to escape from.

The openness we once shared was shattered time and again after the beatings and hurtful words wasn’t enough to satiate his growing anger. I remember times of laying on the floor, bleeding, broken and bruised and having my clothing ripped from my body and raped, always anally.

It took me several more years before I finally said enough and I walked out. The physical reminders of those beatings no longer visibly seen, but eternally felt. Things I once enjoyed, taken and ripped away as if they were layers of wallpaper to hide a flawed wall.

Walls, yes, flawed walls…built up to protect me from the pain inside. For over a dozen years I had been made to believe that I was nothing, that I was stupid and undeserving of anything good. But I was finally free from his fists and rage. I began a new life.

It took me several more years to find this consensual lifestyle with my Master. But the cost of my past marriage was high. The anal sex I had once enjoyed, I now feared and hated. Several others before my Master tried, only to give up and walk away from the subject saying I was just too much trouble to continue.

When Master and I met we discussed a few things we each desired, needed and wanted from the other, we eventually shared a list of interests. But before that list was done we had discussed certain issues such as anal sex. I expressed my distaste for the activity and He wondered why I had not made it one of my hard limits. I had to think about this.

I explained to my new Master of the abuse I suffered at Dick’s hands. It was a conversation I had had with Dominants before Him, but this time something was drastically different. I felt a closeness to Him like I couldn’t believe. I found that I could tell Him anything and He wouldn’t judge me or feel I was too much trouble. Even though each day these feelings of trust grew, it still took me weeks before I could bring myself to tell Him that I had once enjoyed this now hated and dreaded activity.

Dick had taken so much from me, including running off and disappearing with our precious children. It has been years since I have seen those sweet faces. I long and dream of the day we will all be reunited. He has ripped away my sense of safety, my self esteem, trust, and enjoyment in the simplest of things. Each thing I struggle with that has it’s trouble spots originating from his terroristic manipulations, I find that I also struggle with making them hard limits. It is like still allowing him to have a say or a power in what I do. And as Master and I talked and I began to open up to Him, He said I could not let this man continue to win, He said He could not allow me to allow him to continue to win. That is how the decision was made to push a hard boundary.

One of the first major boundaries my Master pushed was that of fisting. He saw where I had listed it as an interest on the list I filled out for Him. He has had a special way of drawing out the things I fear the most and turn them around in a way where I can see that the only things I need to fear is fear itself, and fear in not allowing myself to go and stay in some sort of holding pattern where I hold back from not only Him but from myself too.

Master was not the first man I had served as a submissive, but He is the one that has brought out my submission like no other. I had served several very briefly and had served one man by long distance and on the internet for five years. I will always love Him and the wonderful Dominant He became while we were together, but for reasons we each had we had to part and go separate ways, but He is one that I can say is truly one of the best friends I have yet today.

Master and I met online one evening while I was in a chat room for the first time in several years. I was finding it more distasteful than I remembered them to be like when I first got online all those years ago. This night I discovered that there seemed to be many more wannabe’s and spam than there were actually serious people of the lifestyle. I was in the midst of trying to close out the many different message boxes that had popped up when Master’s message popped up in the middle of the all the rest.

I am not sure why I answered His message, maybe it was because of how polite He had approached me. So far that night I had received dozens of IM’s inviting me to check out so-n-so’s personal web site, and just as many messages from self proclaimed doms almost young enough to be the age of one of my children. But I did answer Him, and I think it was one of the luckiest nights I have ever had. Now we are together and life feels more complete.

Life has changed so much for me since that first night. I have always loved to feel a Dominant’s pain but Master has this beautiful way of bringing more of the pain slut out then I have ever been aware was there. He finds this mixture of pleasure and pain for me that meld together and sends me to a place where nothing else in the world exists except for He and I.

Our first few weeks together was turbulent at best, I tested Him for reasons I still cannot understand. I don’t know if it is because I have had this unspoken need to feel someone who isn’t afraid of who He is and therefore allows Himself to push for what He wants or what. I have served too many timid Master’s in the past which is why I see how they never lasted. One Master I served wasn’t timid but I found him to be as cruel and grossly controlling as my ex-husband. My Master now has a sadistic side but well tempered with His more romantic and sensual side as well. Nothing is done without purpose, be it pain, pleasure or that wonderful blend between them both.

My testing period was short lived when measured by time, but when measured by pain, it almost seems like an eternity. The nights we spent getting to know one another were riddled with open defiance, back talking and a sheer battle of wills that I think help to show us just who we are together. Any other man would have lost patience and walked away, but not Him, I quickly learned that He was unlike any other. He was calm, and not prone to a hair trigger temper, and when He doled out His punishments, I just as quickly discovered how He was not timid.

It took a while before I could bring myself to talk about anal sex with Master. I remember that night very clearly. I had been divorced from my ex-husband going on twelve years, several had tried to get me to accept the activity, but all had failed. The night Master and I talked, I found myself unable to hold anything back. Sure I had told other Dominant’s of my past, but not in depth and certainly never admitting to anyone that I had once enjoyed being taken that way. But when I told my Master, I felt a great burden being lifted.

I watched as His eyes softened, and heard the tone of His voice shift. He knew as did I that a major wall that had long ago been built to shield and protect me was tumbling away.

End of Part one:

After unburdening my deepest secret to Him, I instantly felt relieved, and yet I also felt this deep tingle, the tingle of trepidation. Not a fear of Him, but a fear of myself and failing. I wasn’t sure that even though I had finally let go of the truth, if I was going to be able to allow myself to relax enough when and if the time ever came to face the boundary being pushed.

Master had me to climb onto His lap and He held me close, kissing me and soothing away the tears that slowly flowed over my cheeks. Those tears were like my body washing out all the pain I had held on to for way too long. Master’s kisses were warm and engulfed me with a sense of safety and love. We sat like that for the longest time, finally He said it was time for bed. We stood and holding hands walked down the hall to our room and prepared for sleep.

I turned down the bedding and picked up my nightshirt and was headed towards the bathroom, Master gently took hold of my wrist and took away the nightshirt I held, “little one, go on to the bathroom, do what you need to do, but you won’t be needing this tonight. Tonight I want to feel your body bared and open to me.”

I swallowed hard fighting back the instinctual panic that rushed through me. I almost had no breath as I whispered, “Yes, Sir.”

Master kissed my forehead and chuckled, “Hun, stop letting that vivid imagination of yours scare you, you have no idea what I want or even if I will do anything tonight about what you revealed to me. Now go, go pee, wash up and return to our bed.”

I shivered just slightly as I always do when I hear Him tell me to go and do things for Him. Sometimes during the day I might hear the familiar beep-beep of my cell phone alerting me that I have a text message and when I look I will find some innocent little directive like, ‘go potty for me’. No go to the bathroom and play, or anything sexual, just a simple, go potty. I think that is when a submissive knows that they are truly owned, when they find themselves following such a simple task without question. The first time He did this, I went, I didn’t necessarily have to go at the time, but I did anyway because it was what He had wished for. Afterwards I wondered why He sent me that message, and even though I can’t really say for sure why, I have come to the conclusion, “Because He can.” So I went to the bathroom, then I washed up and returned to our bed, without question.

As I stepped back into our room I saw Master was already in the bed, laying on His side with His head propped up on one hand, patting the spot next to Him with His other. “Come here little one, come to bed.”

I was suddenly nervous again, I love Him and yes, I trust Him. I trust Him with my body, with my mind, and I trust that He knows when it’s time to push limits and boundaries. But was I really ready? Was He even going to go there that night? I didn’t see anything but Him, no toys, at least not on this side of His body, who’s to say what He had behind His back. I bit my bottom lip, trust I told myself. Trust. I took a deep breath and got into the bed, turning my back and scooting up against Him. Master lifted His arm and placed it around my waist, pulling me even closer, spooning my body before I felt His hand move downward, stroking my hip and back up.

His hand glided upward slowly and softly till His fingers landed under my chin. A slight nudge towards Himself and I turned and tilted my face towards Him. His warm mouth covered mine as my body followed the turn of my head until our bodies were pressed tightly against each other.

Locked in a deep kiss Master’s fingertips trailed along my breasts, He lightly tweaked a nipple just enough to hear me moan softly. Moisture between my legs began to gather, my clit hardened and throbbed. I could feel how erect He was before He parted my legs and stroked softly the pussy that He owns completely.

Back and forth so agonizingly slow, making my breathe catch and my hips began to slowly move with His touch. I gasped as I felt two of His fingers enter me just as He broke our long kiss and took a nipple into His mouth and rolled His tongue over it, sucking until it felt swollen and began to ache with great need.

His lips felt so heavenly as He kissed down between each breast and over my stomach, I arched my back as His fingers curled deeper inside my pussy and His mouth clamped over my clit. Master sucked my clit in and out of His mouth, I felt it swelling as my nipple had done only a few mere minutes before. His fingers were sliding effortlessly in and out stroking hard against my g-spot. Just as I felt my orgasm becoming so overwhelming and I began to beg I felt one of His fingers leave the warmth of my pussy and laid against the entrance to my ass. I wanted to please Him, I wanted and needed desperately to cum but I knew if I asked permission I would be made to clarify exactly what it was I wanted. I tried with every ounce of strength I had to fight the orgasm back, but it was growing so intense with the pressure I felt from His finger laying against my ass.

Finally I couldn’t take anymore, “Please!” I gasped. “Please Sir, may I cum?” as I rolled my head back and forth and tried to scoot away from His fingers and mouth.

Master sat up slightly, taking His mouth from my throbbing clit, His thumb gently stroking it, “How does My little slut want to cum for her Master?” Wiggling His fingertip that was pressed tightly against the puckered hole of my ass.

“Ohhhhhh God please, please…please Sir, may I cum!” I begged again. The pressure of His finger on my ass, the tantalizing wiggling against my g-spot, the slow methodical stroking of /His thumb against my clit, I couldn’t help it any longer, I was going to need His permission or lose control and possibly face punishment for cumming without permission. My back arched again and my body instinctively pushed back against His fingers.

I felt the tip of the finger playing with my ass begin to enter, I stiffened but yet I moaned in pleasure. No more words were needed, Master had what He wanted, that low careening moan spoke volumes.

Master began stroking the fingers He had in my pussy and ass in and out, His thumb on my clit, my body was shaking as I tried to hold back and wait for the badly needed permission. He shifted and removed His one finger that was stroking my g-spot and joined it with the one inside my ass. Instinctively I raised my hips to meet His hand as His fingers slid in and then fell gently back against the bed as He withdrew them. I was allowed to cum as my hips rose again and He held me in mid air by sliding His other hand beneath me and lowered His face to my clit.

Gently He let me back down against the bed then He withdrew His fingers. I was watching Him smile down at me as I looked at Him framed between my open legs. His hands were resting on each of my knees which were now easing my legs back and His hard erect cock entered deeply inside my pussy in one fluid stroke. I was so wet and He slid in so very deep, He held Himself still before drawing back out, in and hold, and back out. He told me to cum at will.

I came so many times as He slowly fucked me that I could feel my own wetness flowing from me and running over my ass. Pulling from me I knew He was coated enough to probably enter me, but He still grabbed the lube from the nightstand and applied it not only to Himself but to me as well. I was holding my breath and biting my bottom lip as I watched His hand stroke Himself.

“Breathe little one, and trust. Trust me, I won’t hurt you, we will win over this fear together.”

I couldn’t help the impulse to stiffen, the resistance of my tight ass made me squirm as His cock slowly slid past the opening He paused till He felt me begin to relax. Caressing my face, He dried the tiny tears that managed to pool at the corners of my eyes.

Master was trying so hard to be as careful as He could, making sure to move slowly, and deeper little by little till He felt my tightness giving way gradually. I groaned at the painful burning sensation while He continued to enter me more, His hands moved to the insides of my thighs, pinning my legs wide open.

It seemed to take forever before I felt my Master fully inside of me when I did I moaned and fought the urge to squirm away. But when my Master heard that low soft moan He withdrew slowly until He was almost completely out, I sighed with relief. Then I felt Him just as gently as the first time, but not as slow, reenter me until He was once again buried deep. I moved slightly trying to accommodate the size of His cock, causing my muscles to contract around Him, almost like a milking sensation.

Master groaned as He felt my body reacting and opening up to take Him, That burning sensation began to subside and with my eyes locked with His I felt no fear. I was letting go of the past, the nonconsensual pain I remembered, and in it’s place I was finding a pleasure I had once lost, the tears changed, from fear of failing Him to those flowing freely from letting go.

My body relaxed more and I began to move my bottom in rhythm with His. Master’s hands eased their grip from holding my legs down and spread opened, I relaxed even more.

“Good girl.” I heard Him say and my entire world opened to Him as I heard those precious words of endearment.

Moving with a greater ease now Master began to fuck me faster. My breathing quickened, pain and pleasure making such a sweet mixture. Within minutes I was doing something I hate, I was begging, pleading for Him to fuck me harder. Master loves to hear me beg, almost as much as He loves my tears, this night He got both.

The pain mixed with intense pleasure was becoming more than I could handle, I felt myself begin to drift to that wonderful place only my Master can take me. I no longer knew if I could take anymore, all I knew was His voice, His touch, my voice was gone. It was like I had stepped outside of myself and was soaring somewhere above, floating on the sounds of Master’s voice. I was past the point of pain, pain of the past, and past the pain of the present. I don’t even remember when or even if my Master came with me or not. All I had was His soothing words and His loving touch.

My Master had taken me past the point of pain.

I want to thank all of the readers here who have either reviewed my stories or who have sent me their extremely encouraging emails. I have appreciated your input and active interest. These stories are very personal for me as they are for the most part a representation of actual events. I have decided to continue to add chapters to this particular story title, hopefully with individual chapter titles to help distinguish each additional addition. For previous writings of mine please also see the titles that include, “Punishment Over, Lesson Learned”, and also “Opening Up” that have been separate additions to The BDSM Library. Again, thank you all for your continued support and encouragement. ~ True’s Doll, ~Ann~

One of the hardest things that my Master has wanted me to recognize within myself is the way I respond to humiliation play. To say it has been difficult to learn to admit that this type of play turn’s me on is probably one of the most understated statements of my life. I am blushing even now thinking of the things in which Master so artfully brings me to my knees with as He either whispers them in my ear, or gives me one of those piercing glances as He adopts that tonal quality that reminds me of His total and complete ownership.

There have been times when other issues or rather other forms of play have played an important and even pivotal moments of our life together that has been just as difficult, but once they have been accepted I have found for the most part the struggle with them is over and I learn to accept them without further fighting. But even though I can logically see where those times of being called His slut and the many other forms of consensual humiliation arises, that I will always respond with some miniscule of struggle.

Master True has a few things He loves to see me do, giving over the tears He desires is one such thing. Another thing He desires is making me beg, but begging does not come as easy as those tears He craves and cherishes.

After being married to Dick for as long as I had and the names I was called when we were together it amazes me that now when some of those names and terms are used that I respond as I do. I guess it being so consensual now makes a difference, but to get to this place I am now in life has been a long arduous journey. Calling myself those things has been harder still. But, I am His slut. His pain slut, His cum slut and nothing makes me feel prouder.

There is nothing in this world that can get me squirming faster than to have my Master coming up behind me as I wash the dishes or sort the laundry and He whispers in my ear, “Are you wet for Me, slut?”

When He does that I feel my knees weaken, my breath catches as my heart rate speeds up. I swallow hard and shiver slightly, I can even feel the heat rise to add vibrant coloring to my cheeks. The rush of wetness between my legs is so instant there have been times I have actually wondered if I have urinated my pants.

Once He receives those tell tale signs of arousal He looks for I hear Him chuckle before reaching around me to pinch and roll my hardening nipples.

Sometimes that’s all there is, just a slight taste of a tease. He will do this throughout the day to keep me on the edge of arousal, up and down till He has built my anticipation level up so high I will beg and plead as His treasured tears flow freely over my cheeks.

Other times His actions will come out of nowhere, I will once again be doing the dishes, sorting laundry or some other household chore and He will come up behind me, a small tender kiss at the base of my neck, His hands will softly slip upward under my hair, but in a flashing moment those exquisite fingers of His will tighten as He gathers my hair and He pulls my head back sharply and then forces me to turn to face Him as I go down upon my knees in front of Him.

“Open!” He will order. “Suck Me, slut!”

In moments like these I have no time to think, I just obey. My mouth will open and Master will throat fuck me hard. It matters not that I might gag or that tears will be forced from my eyes, the words I will hear as His cock batters away at my mouth and throat will soon have me begging and admitting that yes, I am His slut.

One evening my Master was in a particularly sadistic mood. He had worked hard all week and finally it was His day off. He had gotten up and we had breakfast together, spent the afternoon tenderly making love and just relaxing. Dinner had been served and we ate together and as I did the dishes Master showered. I was putting the finishing touches on cleaning the kitchen when He came in and sat down in His favorite chair. I turned out the lights in the dinning room and was about to ask to be excused so that I could go and shower as well when Master’s eyes narrowed and changed.

“Pet!” He said in a sharp tone. I instantly went to my knees recognizing first the name, then the tone. This is His way of grabbing my instant attention. Used the way He did that night had long been established as His command for me to kneel and present myself as He desires. Kneeling in front of Him, knees apart and making sure my feet do not touch so that my bottom can rest against the floor, my hands open and flat, palm of one across the top of the other, and placed behind my back.

“Yes, Sir?” I quietly ask in response.

“I have some instructions for you tonight. First, you will go to our room and lay out the following items on the bed; you are to get the dildo that is closest to My size, the vibrating bullet, anal plugs, lube, clamps, paddles, cuffs and collar, and My crop.

Secondly, after this is done you will return here, crawling, and kneel in front of Me and tell me that My things are laid out, you will bring with you the crop and present it to Me. That is when you will be told the next thing I wish for you to do. Now GO!”

I raised and went directly to our room and laid out each item He had told me to get, when I picked up His crop and I realized I was to crawl back to Him, how was I to carry the crop? I shivered at the realization that there was only one way to carry it back to Him. I placed the shaft of the crop between my teeth, carrying it to Him as if I had a long stem rose laying lengthwise in my mouth. I crawled back down the hall and into the living room, coming to rest in front of Him once again. Returning to my kneeling position, taking the crop from my mouth and holding it out to Him.

“Master, the things You requested have been laid out and now may I present You Your crop, Sir.”

“Good girl.” Master said softly. “Now stand.”

I stood and waited. Master rose from His chair, the crop in one hand, holding it flat against His leg, raising His empty hand to toy with the collar of my blouse.

“Remove the shirt pet.”

I unbuttoned the blouse and took it off, folding it and laying it on the coffee table.

“Lose the bra as well, and I will be right back.”

I reached behind my back to unfasten the bra as I watched Him leave the room and go into the kitchen. When He returned He held a simple glass of water.

“Drink.”

I took the glass from His hand and took a sip from the glass and was going to hand it back to Him.

“Drink it all, pet.”

“But, I am not thirty Sir.”

I winced even before I felt the crop smack against my left breast. I knew I had just made a mistake. I wasn’t asked if I was thirsty, I was told to drink.

I brought the glass back up to my lips and I took several gulps of water. I was about to take the glass away from my mouth when I felt the crop strike the right breast.

“Drink till it’s gone pet.”

I lifted it back to my lips and tried to drink the large amount but some of it started to dribble just slightly as He used the crop to strike my breasts, one to the other with each swallow I managed.

“Well, I see you lost some of it, pet, for that you will now remove your slacks as I continue to smack these lovely tits of yours. The longer you take to get them off the more strikes of My crop you will feel.”

It doesn’t sound like a big deal, but when you are trying to unbutton and unzip and slide pants off while someone is striking away at your breasts, it isn’t as easy as you might think. I felt the crop hit it’s mark to each breast at least six times each before I had the slacks off, folded and placed with the blouse on the coffee table.

I stood in front of my Master, naked except for the French cut panties I wore, and with small red welts raising on each of my breasts. My nipples were so hard they ached. Not once had the crop struck them, not once had He touched them, or rolled them between His fingers or pinched and stretched them till I cry out. He had deliberately made sure He had not touched them, creating a great aching need.

I watched as He moved away from me, He picked up my folded clothing and moved them to the arm of the sofa, and then He removed the glass sections of the coffee table. Making it hollow on top at each end with the wooden section separating them in the middle.

Holding out His hand to take mine, He helped me to step into one side of the hollowed table. He guided me down till my mid section laid against the cool hard wood and my breast dangled downward through the second opening the glass had left. I stayed there while He left the room and returned carrying several sections of rope and my four cuffs and collar.

He didn’t speak a word as He placed my collar around my neck and fastened each cuff to my ankles and wrists. He then took the sections of rope and tied each wrist and foot by running the rope through each D-ring and tying them to the four posts of the coffee table. With the last small section of rope He ran it through the D-ring of the collar and tied it to the top edge of the table, securely fastening me so that I couldn’t turn my head in either direction.

“Pet, I have decided to do things a little differently than I originally planned for this evening. Now I am going to leave the room for a minute to get the things I had you to lay out and also get a few more things and I will be right back.” He chuckled as he added, “Now don’t go anywhere!”

“Go anywhere?” I thought to myself, I am tied five different ways to this table, where was I going to go? Even if I wanted to…which of course, I didn’t.

He was away only a few minutes, but it seemed like forever. Once He returned and before He said another word I felt a flogger being dragged over my back. I shivered as I felt the tails softly glide over me, it felt like twenty-four of the softest most luxurious fingers gently tickling up the center of my spine.

I knew where the night was leading, Master wanted me to beg, and as usual I began that inner struggle with myself to fight. I don’t know why I do it, I know that I will end up pleading and saying things, words that I struggle with, words that seem so foreign will suddenly pour from me as if they were the most natural things for me to say.

Master gently continued to glide the flogger over the curve of my ass and all along my spine, making me squirm as much as the restraints allowed me. Little whimpers and moans began to build, my skin broke out in goose bumps, that need He creates bubbled to the surface and soon it would explode and come spilling out, but this evening the struggle was just as strong, a battle of wills was just beginning, it was going to be a long night.

Minutes clicked away as the flogger tickled and tantalized before I felt Him make His first strike against the back of my thighs. I shivered as the tingle spread out across the sweet spot and made me moan with a heavy desire for more, I was not disappointed. The first five minutes of the flogging went by slowly as He would draw back and let the tails strike with a methodical and sadistic delay between strikes. I bit my bottom lip, fighting to beg for more and to plead for Him to strike harder.

As one moan filled the air it rolled into another as He laid aside the flogger and I felt His fingers playing along the length of my wet pussy lips. Softly running His fingers back and forth, I wanted to wiggle and push back onto His fingers, I craved and even ached to feel them slide deeply inside, I squeezed my eyes shut tightly and fought against the urge, it made me whimper louder.

“What is it pet? Are you needing to ask for something?”

My mind was screaming inside my own head. “Yes, I want….” but no sound came forth as I struggled to remain locked in my silence.

“Ah, I see. Not ready yet to beg and plead like that little cum slut you can be for me, huh? Well, let’s see if I can change that.”

His fingers were suddenly gone which made me whimper worse than the internal struggle to fight back my pleading. His fingers were replaced with the rough leathery feel of the shaft of the crop as He pressed it between my slick lips and hard throbbing clit.

Gliding it back and forth several times then stopped and flicked my clit with the end of the crop.

“Ohhhhhhh.” I moaned aloud as I shivered and felt the goose bumps returning and making Him chuckle.

“Yes, little one, you are such the pain slut for me, aren’t you?”

My mind swirled around His words, “Pain slut”…God yes, I am, I am Your pain slut! My body begged me to let the words out, but my mind was deeply locked into the battle. My mind wasn’t ready yet to crumble and let go of the struggle. The beginning of the tears were starting to sting my eyes.

The crop, focus, His voice, focus. Let go! No hold on! The battle wasn’t really with Master, it was with myself, why do I do this?

“No!” He stopped. “You will not cum, yet.” He made me hold it back. He fucked in and out of my body. I realized that I couldn't climax until He would allow me. Making me know my position, that He owned me and everything about me. I was desperately trying to make my body co-operate, clinging to that unknown need to struggle, holding back not only my own orgasm, but the growing need to beg. He was making me realize that I was His, the realization only made things worse. My body is His and my pleasure is His to grant, and my begging is a right that is and should be only afforded to Him.

My hips were beginning to burn from the pounding I was receiving. They would be covered with bruises but I didn’t care, I would wear with them with pride, like a badge of honor to His complete and total control over me, I knew just as I know the sun will rise again tomorrow that before the night was over, I would beg and plead for even more marks.

I thought I would lose control but before I did, He withdrew from my dripping cunt and moved to where my head laid over the opposite end of the table, He was down against the floor and I could see His wet hard cock as He stroked it under my face. I watched as it looked like it jerked in His own hand, then His warm cum erupted and splattered against my face.

His breathing was hard, as was mine and in between gasps He said, “Still not ready to give Me what is Mine, little one?”

I began to sob, “But Master, I do give You what is Yours.”

“I want that pleading slut that I own! I want you to open that throat and beg, cry and plead for what you ache for. Tell me little one, is that ache intense yet?”

“Y--yes, Master! The ache is intense!” I cried.

“Hm, no I don’t think it is, pet, but it will be, it will be soon, of that I promise you!”

With that said Master began to untie each of the ropes. I was helped to stand and told to stay still until my legs were strong enough to hold me up. I was told to gather the things and bring them to our room.

I picked up the ropes and crop and flogger and followed Him down the hall. Once inside the room Master turned to me and gestured towards the bed. I started to step forward but stopped. The glass of water He had me to drink was causing me to pause.

“Master,” I began, my face turning a bright red. “May I please have a moment to go to the bathroom?”

Master’s smile returned to His face, “Of course, pet, you may go pee.”

I walked towards the adjoining bathroom door, and Master followed. This was not usual, this was something He had never done before. I am a very private person when it comes to doing certain things, this was one of those things. I turned and stared at Him.

“Master, may I have some privacy, please?”

“No! if you need to pee pet, then go. But I will stand here and watch.”

“Oh my God Master, no! please, I … I can’t do this is in front of someone, please!”

“Oh but little one, I am NOT just someone, I OWN you, do I not?”

“Yes, Sir, but…”

“DO NOT ARGUE with Me girl, now go!”

Crying, I walked to the toilet and lifted the seat. I stared at it as if it were some new torture devise that I loathed. Tears spilled over my cheeks as I closed my eyes tightly shut, a small sob escaped and I turned again to ask, but this time I would ask for mercy…I wasn’t allowed to even form the words.

“DO IT!”

My eyes widened, another sob, a whispered, “please Sir.”

“Little one, you WILL DO as you are TOLD! Now if you do not sit down this minute and piss, I can assure you I can add to this and really show you what humility is! NOW GO!”

Again, I shook my head and whispered as the tears ran freely, “I can’t.”

Master inhaled deeply, I could see Him clinching His teeth. His hands came out and grabbed my shoulders and He guided me backwards towards the toilet, and making me stand over it with my legs spread wide, “Ok, since you refuse to sit down and pee, you can squat.”

He pushed downward on my shoulders making me bend my knees till I was squatting over the toilet seat.

“Now, little one, take your hands and spread yourself open and pee.”

I cried and sobbed as I half stood, half squatted hovering over the open toilet. My fingers trembled as I pulled back on each of my pussy lips, exposing myself to His watchful gaze.

Master stepped back and leaned His shoulder against the wall. “I am waiting little one!”

“I…I…oh God, please Sir!, I can’t!” I sobbed.

“Who owns you?”

“You do, Sir.”

“Then GO!”

“I can’t!”

“When I hear can’t I hear I won’t. Are you telling me you refuse to obey Me?”

“No, no, no Sir! I….I do obey You, but this…this, is so…”

“So, what, love? So private?”

“YES!”

“So you’re telling Me you are going to hide something that belongs to Me?”

“No Sir, I don’t wish to hide anything from You---but…”

“No buts, if you do not wish to hide what is Mine, then you will do as you are told and you will go pee, and DO so NOW!”

We went back and forth with this argument for several minutes. I was in tears, I felt embarrassed, humiliated, and yet as much as I still hate to admit this, I felt exhilarated and so completely and totally owned.

By the time I finally let go and peed in front of my Master, I was sobbing uncontrollably and shaking from head to toe. But I did finally go as I had been ordered, but the fight I had put up came at a cost.

“Clean yourself up little one, and join Me in our room.” He said flatly and more than a little annoyed.

I cried and sobbed as I cleaned myself up and rejoined Him in our room. I knew that I had pushed things so I knew better then to just reenter the room and stand there. I walked towards Him sitting in the chair, and instantly knelt, hanging my head in shame.

The long silence is always the worst part, a submissive’s mind goes everywhere, contemplating fate and the many things one’s Master might do to correct the situation. Often those thoughts are much worse then what is actually going to take place.

“Little one.” He finally said breaking the long agonizing silence and making me jump just slightly.

“What are we to do here to correct this problem?”

Whispering, “I don’t know Sir.”

“Hm, I see. Well, let’s see how far you will go to make it up to Me your refusal to comply with My order. Now get up on the bed, center yourself, place pillows behind you so you can sit comfortably with your back against the headboard. You will take your fingers and hold yourself open, and I will sit and watch you play. You will play for me, little one. You will show me how you play with yourself when you treat yourself like the slut you are when you think of Me. You will NOT cum without asking, without begging, you will NOT stop playing until I either stop you or give you permission. You will follow each and every order I may give you, which I still have yet to decide if I want to grant you that much direction. I may or may not…you have tried to deny Me tonight, so I might just deny you of My voice.”

I looked at Him in disbelief. He was going to watch me, watch and see how much of a slut I can be. No one has ever seen me masturbate before…I felt like I had been restrung with rubber bands inside.

I slowly arose to get up on the bed, Master moved the chair so He could see better, the crop laid across His lap. I knew without being told that if I slowed my fingers or anything I needed to do to show Him what He desired to see that I would feel that crop to remind me to continue.

On the bed I arranged the pillows so I was comfortable. Toys were laid out and I was allowed to use any or all required to reach His desired results. I shivered as I looked into His stern eyes and saw how tightly He had set His jaw. I leaned back and opened my legs as wide as they would go, with one hand I parted my lips, and I felt a hot rush raising the color of my cheeks knowing He could see how wet I already was.

My face burned, I was so embarrassed, told to play in front of Him. How could I do this? How could I show Him how I …used myself in private? With my legs spread open, I had to have looked obscene. I wanted to sob, to beg Him, but not in the way He wanted, I wanted to beg Him to not make me do this. My fingers moved slowly to my own opening, wetting my fingers and bringing that wetness to my own clit. I stopped after barely touching it, I looked into His eyes.

A look passed between us, a recognition in each other’s eyes. He was Master, and I was His. We both knew in that glance that I needed to do this for Him. He needed me to show Him that I knew my place as His, and I needed this to show Him that I knew He owned everything about me. The excitement of displaying myself to Him grew intensely in that moment. I was spread open and putting myself on exhibit for His pleasure. The thrill of Him seeing how much of a slut I wanted to be for Him was almost overwhelming, as my fingers rubbed hard against my clit.

Master’s cock began to come to life again, it was hardening and I watched Him stroke Himself as He watched between my fingers and the smoldering look growing in my eyes. Already my desire had grown to an explosive high, I was about to begin to ask to cum when I heard Him say stop.

“Stop, little one. Take a breath, hold back and don’t cum.”

I stopped and closed my eyes concentrating hard on evening out my breathing and maintaining control.

“Got control?” He asked.

I nodded, “yes, Sir, under control.”

“Good girl.” He started with a softer voice, the harshness disappearing. “Now, begin again, but this time pick up your bullet and turn it on low, place it against your clit and slide two fingers inside that wet cunt nice and deep.”

The hum of the bullet cut into the silence of the room, my fingers slid inside so easily and so deep. I began to stoke them in and out…

“Add a third finger, pet.”

The third finger didn’t slid inside as easily as the first two had, but I felt myself opening up. I moaned as I felt my wetness leaking out as it tickled downward towards my ass. In and out, over my g-spot, the constant buzz humming against my clit, the knowledge He was watching… God I wanted to cum.

“Please…” I whispered, “please, Master, may I cum?”

“Control it if you can, love and add another finger.”

Four fingers, I groaned as my pussy tried to stretch. :Please!” I said with a little more urgency.

His breathing had changed as much as mine had, but He hadn’t given the permission needed. My legs began to shake, “Ok, little one, tuck your thumb against the rest, push and cum to me.”

Tucking my thumb against the other four fingers I was fucking into my own cunt,

I felt a burning as I stretched open and accepted it inside. I came hard as I felt His hand covering mine. Listening to His voice telling me to twist and grind and push. He wanted me to open up…He said…

“Open that pussy up for Me, fuck that hand baby, come on, show Me that slut I love so much!”

I groaned as I felt His hand covering mine, helping me to push my own hand deeper, forcing my pussy to accept the hand it wanted to swallow up. His other hand slipped under my rear end and raised me up a little, bending my legs upwards towards my hips and waist, causing the angle of my body to change, my hand popped as it went inside my clinching cunt.

Still holding me up with one hand, Master removed His other hand He had used to help me and picked up something from the bed. I was already beginning to beg and plead for Him to fuck me, and I was growing increasingly incoherent, when I felt the tip of the medium size anal plug being pushed against the opening of my ass.

I continued to cum as the plug slid home fast and hard, Usually He slides the plug in and leaves it, but this time He continued to fuck me with it as I came so hard I coated the insides of both legs. He helped me to remove my hand and then the plug and in one swift thrust Master was deep inside my open ass and I was pleading and begging.

“Yes, please Master, please fuck Your slut’s ass hard and fast!”

Master groaned so hard I felt it throughout my entire body. I was still holding my legs up and He told me to spread them open again. He withdrew almost all the way out of my ass just leaving the tip of His cock inside when I felt His fingers playing with my clit. Rubbing and pinching I kept cumming until I was screaming.

“Yes, baby, that’s it, open that throat and give Me those screams.”

Finally I felt Master slide inside again, so deep and He held Himself there as His cum filled my ass.

Once Master withdrew from me, I was exhausted and all I knew was His voice. My mind had gone to that special place where nothing else exists. His kisses, His caresses, His arms wrapping me tightly and holding me close, that is my world, that is all I ever need to know.

Thanks for reading….hope to add another part soon.