The Human Toilet Project

It all began with a casual visit to the Misc. part of Craigslist's job openings. I didn't necessarily need a job because I had begun to receive Social Security just a few months ago, but you are allowed to have a little part time work. The listing was as follows.

The University of California Berkeley Psychology Dept in coordination with UC Medical School Dept of Internal Medicine need a male volunteer for their human toilet project. We prefer someone who has never been a toilet slave or engaged in any BDSM. Our project will study the effects of prolonged and sustained ingestion of female urine and fecal matter upon the male body. The volunteer will be closely monitored by trained nurses, and given probiotics and injections as needed while he serves as a toilet for a very large number of women within a very short time. We are also studying the psychological impact of being a human toilet, as well as the psychology of the women using the human toilet.

Four hundred women have volunteered to use our subject as their toilet over the next six weeks. This job pays very well but should not be treated casually or taken for the sake of a sexual thrill. This project will prove to be extremely stressful upon the subject's body and psyche. More about the possible risks will be discussed in a face to face interview with the administrators of the Human Toilet Project. Please send your email and phone # to humantoiletproject@ucberkeley.edu

Please explain in the body of your email why you are interested in being our toilet. We will email you to arrange a phone screening if we are interested in hiring you. If that goes well we will arrange a face to face interview.

Well I can't seem too damn eager to do this. I've got to show them that I am very serious about this and have the stamina to see it through.â I thought to myself. Wait! Do I even want to do this?? Be a toilet for hundreds of women? I could easily die. Nah! They won't let that happen. God!!! It could be really horrible, couldn't it? The thought of it makes me want to gag. On the other hand.....the thought of it gives me an enormous hard on. There I go again, being guided by my dick. That has never turned out well. What the hell, why not? I'll shoot them an email. Can't hurt. They aren't going to choose an old fuck like me anyhow.

Dear Human Toilet Project: I am 65 years old and retired. I am very interested in discovering the roots of a man's desire to consume a woman's waste. I would love to contribute to your research in any way I can. You can decide for yourselves if I would be a suitable toilet. All I can say is that I am willing to do this in spite of all my fears (and there are many.) Because as scared as I am, I am also intrigued and would love to have this once in a lifetime experience. I know I will be well taken care of, and will learn a great deal from being the subject of this experiment.

Sort of sounds like I am willing to sacrifice my life in the interests of science. I don't know....â I quickly added my email address and phone number.

I clicked on Send. (I can't tell you how many times clicking on Send has gotten me into trouble of one sort or another)  Oh well....maybe they will call...

There was a message on my machine the next day, leaving the number of Dr. Jenkins. It was a woman's voice, probably his student assistant or something. Before I could get the jitters I called.  âDr. Jenkins office, Dr. Jenkins speakingâ a female voice said.

Hi! This is Russell Callahan. I applied for your toilet slave, excuse me, human toilet position.âÓ (Shit! This isn't going well, I thought)

Have you ever been a toilet slave, Mr. Callahan?

Oh no! Not at all. Nothing like that. I live a pretty normal and boring life, nothing kinky.â

I see. You are only interested in furthering the cause of science, and nobly contributing to our research. This is a very serious offer, Mr. Callahan. We are not interested in bringing someone in only to have him bail out on us. Our toilet will be designed to fit our subject's body, so we wouldn't be able to justÉâ

Oh no, please! I am very serious. I understand how stressful this whole thing will undoubtedly beâ

Oh no you don't! You have no idea, Mr. Callahan. (I could hear a chuckle) Really! No idea at all! You will literally want to die at times, and you won't, well...at least if we have anything to do with it, you won't be granted that privilege.

(Is it my imagination or is Dr. Jenkins starting to sound like a dominatrix? I thought)

There was an awkward silence on the phone. I'd better say something now and make it good.

Of course I don't have any idea of what I would getting myself into, Dr. Jenkins. That is a lot of the reason why I want to be your toilet, well not your own personal t..

So why wouldn't you want to be my own personal toilet, Mr. Callahan?â

I uh..I mean...I will do whatever you wish Dr. Jenkins, I just want to be a part of this thing.

Be the toilet for over four hundred women over the course of six weeks?

Yes.

(How the hell are they are going to manage this? That is a lot of shit and piss.â I thought.)

Very well then. How would tomorrow morning at 10 am work for you?â

To start being a toilet?

(she laughed) No, no! I would never do that to you! For our introductory meeting! You can learn more about the Project, meet the women involved in it, and then we will start building the toilet and get you started, probably as early as next Friday if that works for you.

You mean I'm hired?

You are hired, Mr. Callahan.

There was another awkward silence. He could hear the Doctor breathing.

Let's just say I like your sense of humor. she said.

Uh. Thank you! I will, wait! Where is this meeting?

She told me where the meeting was located on campus and with that she hung up.

(Funny.âI thought. âI don't remember telling any jokes.)

Human Toilet Training

The meeting took place in a nondescript conference room. Six women ranging in age from 26 to 58 sat around a nondescript table. Some of them were very well dressed and quite attractive. I could feel my cock getting hard as I imagined what it would be like to be used by them, to be their toilet. Ever since I learned that I had been hired to be the subject of their Human Toilet Project, I couldn't help thinking about it. I imagined being the toilet for every attractive woman I saw. I was daydreaming now, as I sat in this uncomfortable plastic chair.

Mr. Callahan?

Yes?

Would you like to hear about the way this whole thing is going to work?

Of course. Sorry. I feel a little overwhelmed right now.

Daydreaming about being a human toilet?

Yes, I...

I think you will quickly discover that your fantasies are nothing like how it really feels. There really is no way to prepare you for this. We are just going to have to take the plunge. Or, at least, you will.

We are going to take a lot of precautions to try to ensure that you survive this ordeal, and no question about it, this will be an horrific ordeal.  (How would she know? Has she ever had anyone shit in her mouth? Actually from the look of her, maybe she has.)

Why are you smiling, Mr. Callahan?

Just nervous. I smile when I'm nervous.

We are going to take your measurements and fashion a special box just for you. It will be your own toilet as well as the frame for the ladiesÕs toilet, which will be you! A place for you lie back and relax, your head resting against the back of the box, just below the toilet lid where the ladies will sit. A plastic funnel is attached to the top of the box, and the opening at the end of that funnel will be tightly bound to your mouth by a large rubber band. It will be a soft rubber band so it won't hurt all that much. But that rubber band holds your mouth to the opening at the end of the funnel. You won't be able to close your mouth. Your teeth will fit into two small slits on the sides of the funnel mouth. Nothing can leak out. You won't have to worry about piss or shit splattering you, well, except for the inside of your mouth and throat. They are going to get quite a workout. This funnel is designed in such a way, Mr. Calahan, that every bit of excrement, every drop of urine falls directly into your mouth. You won't be able to move a muscle, you can't close your mouth. You will be totally helpless. All you can do is lie there and receive their bowel movements. How do you feel about that?

It worries me. What if I can't breathe? What if I choke on their shit? I know how bowel movements can be, and I have a pretty small mouth.

Well, at least you have thought that far ahead, Mr. Callahan.

You can call me Russell.

Thank you. Russell. I will. We are going to get to know each other pretty well, so we should be on a first name basis. I agree.

(Something about the way she said that makes me think she wants to be the first to use me as a toilet, and that her turds will be fucking enormous.)

We have arranged a way for water to flow from a small faucet at the top of the funnel. It won't be enough to choke you, just enough to moisten the walls of your mouth and throat, and loosen any fecal matter that might be sticking there. It will also make it much easier for you to swallow, which will still be very difficult, but not impossible, at least. There will also be a straw of sorts, leading from outside the box, just behind your left ear, and curving around and into your mouth, where it leads down into your lungs. It won't seem like much air, but it will hopefully be enough to save your life.

(It suddenly became apparent to me that this was no joke. I really could suffocate and die with a mouth and throat filled with piss and shit, totally unable to breathe. Thank God for that straw, I hope it isn't some bullshit plastic McDonald's straw. I want it to be the kind the astronauts use. Do they use straws to breathe? I don't think so.)

However the volunteers have all been briefed on the dangers of suffocation. They know they need to keep their pissing and shitting in small enough bits for you to swallow, but as we all know that isn't always possible when it comes to pissing and shitting. Shit happens, as the expression goes.

I know another expression Doctor. Eat shit and die.

(I noticed how all of the women in the room tried not to laugh or smirk. I also noticed how Herr Doktor was the only woman speaking. What kind of outfit is she running?)

By the way, Herr, I mean Dr. Jenkins. Sorry. What is your first name?

Diana. Diana Jenkins

(She didn't need to do that. I knew her last name.)

I'm sorry if I come off a little what would you call it?.....Uh

Frightened?

Ok. yeah. Scared shitless actually

Interesting choice of words

Shit is the final word. It is the thing we are all obsessed with. It's in our language, it's in our nightmares when we are little, and as adults we turn shit into a joke. But as you will soon learn, shit is serious. We came from shit, in a way, as all life must.

And to shit we shall return (I couldn't resist)

I believe the word is dust, Russell, return to dust.

Nah, shit was the original translation, they had to clean it up.

(this time the women felt it was probably ok to laugh, and they did, a little too much.)

But back to the subject, Russell, which you seem to be avoiding...

You will be able to relieve yourself while being a toilet, you will be shitting a lot and we will be coming in once every two hours to empty your tray. You will also be administered probiotics if needed, and I can't imagine you not needing them, and anything else you might need.....to survive. You will also be monitored, your heart beat, blood pressure, so we can tell if you are in danger and someone can be there in a minute, they will be right next door to you. Oh, and you will also have a catheter to enable you to piss. You will be pissing and shitting a lot, Russell. Basically, you will be a tube for their piss and shit, in and back out, just passing through.

Try not to stink up the joint.

(that joke fell flat, I've got to quit trying to make light of all this.)

That's basically it. These women will be kind to you. Later, when the general public will be involved, it will be a bit different, more of a challenge.

General public?

Relax Russell, no men, no children, no old ladies. Only adult women .And this is important, I didn't really go into this part and it is important. You are going to have to concentrate on just moving the shit down your throat, don't let it concentrate inside your throat, it has to keep moving, and the toughest part will be keeping from gagging. You will want to throw up but you can't, if you try you could kill yourself, in spite of everything we have done to prevent it. So focus on that. Not gagging and making sure to swallow everything no matter how vile. It's bad at first, but we think you will actually get kind of used to it, over time a human being can get used to anything. Who knows? You might even grow to like guzzling down piss and shit.

I doubt it.

We shall see, won't we? That is part of the reason for this whole project. We will get back in touch with you, and give you a chance to try out our...I keep wanting to say toilet, but you are the toilet, your box I guess, as bland as that sounds, your box, your pod, your gizmo. Have fun in the meantime and try not to obsess over all this. It will be what it is. And you will have something to talk to your friends about over a pitcher of beer.

That would be one shitty conversation.

Diane only smiled.

Hey! I thought she liked my sense of humor.

Ladies Toilet for the Night.

I arrived at Club Diva at 9pm, and was met at the door by the club manager, Michelle. She had short blond hair and wore a sexy tight and very short red dress, which clung to her tightly, ending just below her gorgeous ass.

Hello, she said. So you are Russell, our ladies room toilet for tonight?

(I felt embarrassed for a moment, to acknowledge what I would be doing that evening, receiving all the piss and shit for the ladies in my small but eager mouth.)

Yes.  I guess I'm ready to get started.

She led me back through the club. I noticed the sexy waitresses, also wearing red, tight-fitting, very short skirts. My heart was pumping in anticipation. Will they also be using my mouth for a toilet?

Will there be another ladies room available.....for the ladies?, I asked.

No, honey, you're it! Those girls will be using you, and so will I. She looked at me with a small smirk on her face.

Hello, Russell! Are you anxious to get started? Diane Jenkins yelled to me from a hallway leading off the dancehall. I could see the door to the ladies room. Below the familiar ladies room graphic and the words LADIES, the door said Welcome to Russell's mouth. His mouth will be your toilet for tonight. He is the subject of The Human Toilet Project, and will be the only ladies toilet available for this evening. Some of you have volunteered to use Russell, and some of you are here for the first time. Please try, as best you can, to use Russell for only a few minutes at a time, in order to give him time to swallow. Russell has willingly agreed to do this for us, and is being well paid, so don't feel badly about using his mouth as your toilet.

Thank You! And Enjoy Yourselves!

Wow!, I thought, it sounds like a party, a party for my little old mouth. The box looked sort of like a coffin with a toilet seat covering the head. The box was open and I was asked by one of the attendants (all women by the way, reinforcing my thinking this was a feminist project I was involved in) to step out of my clothes and into the box where they would attach a catheter to my penis. I felt a slight twinge of embarrassment again as I took off my clothes and handed them to Shirley, an attendant. Dr. Jenkins was standing there, and Michelle was nearby too, all watching me take off my clothes. I was a freak, a circus act of some kind, a guinea pig, and everybody was curious about it. It hurt when they put in the catheter, although I enjoyed the fact that Shirley was putting it in.

Wow! That's a really large pan beneath me! I remarked.

Well you're going to need it, Russell. You will be able to relieve yourself directly into it, at any time you need to. You will be using it a lot tonight.

The thought of my shitting and pissing at the same time as the ladies excited me. I couldn't wait to get started.

I eased my way into the coffin, excuse me, box, and rested my head on the cushion. The toilet seat was right above my head. Then Shirley snapped the funnel onto the edges of the toilet seat, and the end of it rested right in front of my mouth. She told me to open my mouth wide and, reluctantly, I did, knowing it would be a long time until I could close my mouth again. She slipped a soft rubber band around my mouth, which held my mouth very tightly to the mouth of the funnel. It didn't hurt then, but it sure felt sore later.

There you are! You're all set!

I felt discomfort in my penis. I always hated catheters, and already, I needed to pee, in nervous anticipation of what was about to begin.

Shirley told me they would be back to check on me in two hours, and Dr. Diane Jenkins wished me luck. It was all kept very light-hearted.  Then Michelle, the hot looking manager of Club Diva, stepped in.

Well, Russell! I've been waiting for them to set you up, and I really have to go! I hope you don't mind my being your first lady!

Of course, I couldn't answer. I could only think OMG, I can't believe this is happening. I'm not ready yet!

She was standing with her back to me, very close, and I could see her tugging up her dress, and revealing red lace panties and a lovely, lovely ass! Then suddenly, her naked

ass was right in my face, very very close. I could smell her ass, it was kind of musky, sweaty, but I liked it.

This is going to be Great! I thought. Up close and personal with Michelle's ass. What a treat!

Suddenly my mouth was filled with a warm stinky liquid. Her pee didn't taste good at all, and I had to start swallowing it right away. The odor filled my nostrils, and the taste was kind of sticky, and it just kept coming. I could see a solid stream of her piss streaming out of her pussy, filling my mouth over and over again. Although it wasn't really pleasant, I could handle it, and knowing whose piss this was made all the difference. I had a front row seat to her ass and could see every tiny detail, every hair, every crease, every pimple. I loved it! Then I could see her anus puckering and thought, Oh boy here comes the test. Can I handle her shit too?

It came out in a burst, and before I could....DAMN! OH GOD! SHIT! OH MY GOD, OH NO I CAN'T OH GOD!

My whole world was SHIT. My head felt like it would explode from the smell and the taste seemed to burn holes in my skin. It was horrible, and it kept getting worse, her shit filled my mouth and throat, and I really needed to gag, but knew I couldn't let that happen. Swallow I thought, it was so hard to breathe, and I was beginning to panic. Calm down, I thought, you will get through this, just swallow it, swallow it. It was really sticky and I had to use my tongue to dislodge it from the walls of my mouth and throat, until it fell down deep into me. The water from the fountain, which had just started flowing soon after my mouth was filled with her shit, helped a lot. I felt like I was drowning in her shit, totally unable to breathe, but I guess that straw helped. I had been so nervous before I hadn't even noticed Shirly putting that straw in, but I am sure glad it's there! It felt like I had my tongue in her shit forever. It just kept coming out and I could hear her groan. The shit made a sound of it's own, a kind of crackling sound as it escaped from her ass, like some sort of Shit Monster with a mind of it's own, engulfing me, smothering me. It felt so good when I could feel a turd fall from out of my throat and I could actually breathe a little before more shit filled me up. Finally I could see her anus close, and the nasty show was over. My mouth, and nose, and cheeks, and throat, hell! My brain was filled with shit at this point, and I slowly but surely tugged at the turds with my tongue, breaking them apart, letting them fall out of my throat and down the hatch! I can laugh at it now, but at the time, I was feverishly trying to keep from suffocating or gagging. I didn't have time to think about the stench or the taste. I thought a lot about that later, in fact that stench and taste never really left me after that night. I have never really been able to get it out of my mouth or my mind. It was a weird combination of tastes and smells, mostly repulsive but also, weirdly erotic. Her shit tore me apart, it penetrated every pore of my skin and seeped deep into my body. I was sweating from working so hard to swallow her shit.

It had to have been a couple of pounds of shit, at least. I was now a total toilet. All I could taste was shit and piss, and it stayed that way for four more hours. But I was proud of myself. I did it! As repulsive as it was, I ate  Michelle's massive load of shit!

I watched as she wiped herself clean and felt the toilet paper felt scratchy when she shoved it in my mouth. I reached up with my tongue and pulled the shitty paper down.

Just then I started having a bowel movement of my own. Shit blasted out of my ass and into the pan beneath, just as another woman suddenly rushed into the ladies room and said, “OMG There you are! Hello, Russell! I hope you're ready for this because I gotta piss! She was cute but the next I knew, there was a glimpse of some pink panties and there her ass was, her butt cheeks bouncing as she unleashed a torrent of piss. This piss tasted better, almost fruity and I had to hold my breath and slowly swallow what had now filled my whole mouth and throat. Thankfully it was a lot but it lasted only about 3 seconds. Then I was amused by her cute little anus moving back and forth. She farted and even her shit smell was different from Michelle's shit smell. It was lighter, but still pretty repulsive, only this time I noticed myself getting a little more used to it. My urge to gag wasn't quite as intense. She did finally manage to poop a little into my mouth. They were small little turds, kind of tough and hard. I had no trouble swallowing them. They tasted bitter, kind of like unsweetened chocolate. After she had finished and wiped her ass and all that, she turned around and looked at me, saying “Did ya eat them? Those little baby balls of shit? Were they tasty? She laughed and said Bye bye Russell, I will come back when I have more!

Before I could savor that charming little encounter, there was another ass, and another. One woman after another came in, pulled down her panties and pissed into my mouth. Sometimes they would shit as well, one time it was really wet and sticky, another time it was a long stringy turd. I lost track of who was who, it felt as though I had been there forever. I peed several times, and it felt weird to be peeing at the same time she was peeing.

Another woman popped in, and I braced myself for a mouthful of pee, but it was Shirley. Here you go, Russell! I am going to remove your band for a moment so I can feed you this yogurt. It contains the probiotics we think you need. You have been doing really well. We were concerned at first because your heart rate really jumped up there, but it calmed down quickly. I don't think I need to empty your pan quite yet, but I will tell you what, Russell, you are really popular. There is quite a line out there, all of them waiting to use your mouth.

It was a relief to be able to talk again. How many are out there? I asked. Oh, I'd say at least thirty women, it's a long line. Shit! I said. Exactly she replied. We both laughed. She fed me the delicious yogurt, which felt so cool and soothing to my throat. Before feeding me that Shirley sprayed some kind of pleasant tasting herbal drink into my mouth and throat, cleaning off the shit that had caked there, and allowing me to regain my sense of taste and smell. It was nice. I hated to see Shirley leave, only after I was all hooked up again, she didn't leave right away. I need to use you, she said. I hope you don't mind. But she knew I couldn't respond. Shirley's piss was just a slow trickle down my throat, not much taste at all. It was almost refreshing. She tried to shit as well, but only farted. That smelled really bad, but I didn't really mind. It was Shirley. I liked her, and I enjoyed her cute little butt just an inch or so from my mouth.

I won't bore you with all of the women that came after that. Some of it was God awful, turds that tasted like they came straight out of Hell, and piss that seemingly never ended. I managed to get through the whole night of being the ladies toilet at Club Diva. Some of it was actually fun, and some of it made me really horny. I am now an expert on asses. I have seen so many different asses, big, small, cute and gross. It didn't matter. I loved them all. Even the shit and piss was interesting, even if it made me want to gag sometimes. It had gotten a lot easier than when Michelle first pissed in my mouth four hours ago.

When Shirley and Diane showed up at the end of the night, they said I did a good job and we would talk about my experience tomorrow. Tomorrow night will be yet another night as the ladies room toilet at Club Diva. They thought that after these women talked to their friends there would likely be an even larger turnout for me tomorrow night. I didn't dread it, I looked forward to it. But I was worried that I might get sick from all this shit in my body. I would need to talk to them about that tomorrow.

Human Toilet for Life

I expected to feel sick the next morning after 4 hours of being the ladies toilet at Club Diva, but that was not the case. I felt fine, except  for the awful taste of shit and piss in my mouth and throat. The mouthwash Shirley gave me helped some, but it didn't get rid of the taste entirely. I gargled a few more times, until finally I just decided that I was a toilet now, and I may as well get used to the taste and smell of a toilet. I knew I had to return to Club Diva for another even longer night of being their ladies room for the night. Six hours this time, and an even larger crowd was expected.

During the night I noticed one woman in particular, with short dark hair and cute glasses who kept coming back to use me. She would grunt a lot and say, Sorry Russell, this won't take long! She had thick but watery turds that tasted faintly of chocolate, and she peed more than any of the women that night. I'm Maureen by the way, she said.

I had a few close calls throughout the night, where the shit filled my throat so quickly I almost gagged. Once again the breathing straw probably saved my life. I lay back and enjoyed watching one woman after another enter the ladies room, lean down to look at my mouth, smile, say Hi and then pull down their pants and get on with their messy business. Each bowel movement was different, and often it was just lots and lots of peeing, which was also different. The more I swallowed the more I could detect subtle flavors beneath that bitter, earthy shit taste. Often the women struggled to shit and I would silently root for them, come on! You can do it! Squeeze that baby out! I felt a bond between us. They would always turn around, lean over and smile at me, saying Bye Thank you Russell! (well...not all of the women did that, some would say they couldn't understand how I could be their toilet, and some were silent, but I still felt a bond anyhow.) I never really grew used to the taste and smell of shit and piss, but I was able to tolerate it, and yes, I am amazed to say that I actually enjoyed some of it! The gag reflex wasn't as strong as the first night. At the end of the second night, Dr. Jenkins told me that she was amazed at well my body was adjusting to a diet of shit and piss. She told me to come to her office for a meeting with Dr. Cranston, an expert on immunology, at 9 am Monday morning.

Dr. Cranston seemed antsy, like there was a lot on his mind. He seemed to be having difficulty looking me straight in the eye. I am amazed at these stats, he said. You have developed an amazing level of immunity to shit and piss, I think you could probably fight off just about anything at this point, even ebola. I'm exaggerating, but these really are amazing stats.

Great! I said. So you think this Human Toilet Project can be considered a success then? That maybe shit and piss can actually be beneficial?

In your case, yes! But specifically female urine and excrement, I doubt male urine and excrement would have been as beneficial, perhaps even harmful in your case.

Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I really don't want to test your hypothesis, Dr. Cranston!

Don't worry. I have no intention of putting through that, because you see, Mr. Callahan, it is precisely your lust for women, your love for them as well...

My bond with them, I interjected.

Yes. Your bond with them, that explains your bodies willingness to not only accept their urine and excrement, but to adapt to it to such and extent that you body actually thrives from it.

Wow!!

Wow indeed! But this presents a problem, Mr. Callahan.

(uh oh! I have a feeling I am now hooked on women's shit and piss, it is going to be hard to go cold turkey! I thought to myself.)

Your body has consumed such a high volume of women's urine and excrement in such a short time that, you have effectively become a ladies toilet for real, what I mean to say is, you are not going to be able to stop doing this, Mr. Callahan. Your body now requires a steady diet of female urine and excrement, in quite large quantities. To stop being their toilet could be extremely risky, making you very sick. It could even prove fatal. So my recommendation is to continue as you have been doing....essentially for the rest of your life.

I didn't know quite how to respond. Somehow I knew this would turn out to be the case. As I lay there taking in the ladies shit and piss over and over again, it felt natural, as though I would be doing this forever.

I heard a woman's voice. It wasn't Dr. Jenkins, or Shirley. Who? It was a woman who had used me a lot lately. I turned my head around and saw Maureen standing near the door.

You could be available next Wed., couldn't you, Russell?

Uh. Wait! I'm sorry, I wasn't listening, be available for what?

To be on Howard Stern's show. He really wants to talk to you about your experiences being a Human Toilet, especially now that you will have to do this permanently.

Howard Stern? Who, exactly, are you, Maureen? I just knew her as the lady with the cute glasses and shit that tasted like semi sweet chocolate.

I used to work for Howard! I work in public relations and Dr. Jenkins asked if I could handle the public relations for their project, the first thought I had was putting you on Howard Stern's show. If your dependence on women's shit and piss becomes known to the world....

This was all becoming too damn much for me. I wasn't sure I wanted the world to know about any of this. On the other hand, I had to find, a way to continue to be a women's public toilet. The two nights at Club Diva was a special event, in which the majority of women had been volunteers. I don't know if that could continue on indefinitely.

I didn't say any of that, I just asked if they were going to pay the air fare to New York, and of course they were prepared to do just that.

Howard Stern! Geez! That is going to be a show everybody will watch!

I wasn't especially nervous, after all I'd been through, I could manage just about anything.

Celebrity Human Toilet

Howard Stern's staff were very nice to me when I arrived at their tiny, but very well organized studio, offering me coffee and muffins. As I had noticed before, the women all looked at in a particular way, like they were contemplating shitting and pissing in my mouth. I was a sideshow monkey, a curiosity.

So how do you do it, Russell? Don't you just want to gag. I'd throw up for sure. I fantasize about a lot of kinky shit, but never being a woman's toilet, I just can't get past what that must taste like. It has to be absolutely horrible! Why did you volunteer for this Human Toilet Project? Did they offer you a ton of money? How much? How much money were you offered, Russell?

(This is how most of the interview went, he rarely gave me the opportunity to answer his rapid fire questions)

Enough Howard. I was offered enough, but that wasn't why I volunteered.

So why did you volunteer? Did you look at all the hot chicks in the room, and wonder, hey! Why not be their toilet for a night, what the hell? Might be fun!

Well, actually it was because I was curious if could manage to get through it. It was kind of a challenge, plus the doctor said she liked my sense of humor.

Yeah! Hey, Russell, I like your sense of humor, now come over here and let me shit in your mouth! Was it like that? The doctor was a woman? Wow! No wonder you volunteered. Women doctors give me a hard on!

Before I could respond, Howard Stern continued...So you spent two nights at the Club Diva in San Francisco, being their ladies room. The ladies had no where else to go, they had to either leave the club to take a shit, or use your mouth. Wow! Of course, from what I understand most of these women were volunteers. Who would volunteer to do that? Maybe they pretended you were their ex boyfriend or ex husband, or their father or something, I don't know, it's weird though. And get this! Russell, here, this skinny old guy, I'm sorry but it's true, you're no Charles Atlas, that's for sure! Russell didn't just swallow a few turds, he swallowed gallons of piss, and hundreds of pounds, maybe tons, I don't know, of shit from these women. There was a constant line. It never stopped, did it? So, let me ask you Russell, just when are you going to stop taking shit from these women? Ha Ha Ha I couldn't resist that one. Sorry!

Well, that's the thing, Howard. It seems that all of that shit and piss did an amazing thing to my body.

Yeah! That's right! I was leading up to that, but you brought it up now, that's cool! People you are not going to believe this! Did you know that Russell's body actually began to thrive on this constant diet of turds and pee? Really! As a matter of fact, it has reached a point where his body actually needs women's shit and piss to survive. Isn't that right, Russell?

Yes. That is right. I have come to accept myself as a Human Toilet. It even feels kind of natural.

Wow!! You have really gone around the bend, Russell! Shit and piss! My God! But if you have to do this, you may as well find a way to live with it, I guess, maybe even enjoy it. I'm not one to judge! There are stranger things in this world. I can't think of anything right at the moment, but there has got to be stranger things. Well, I have good news for you Russell. I don't know if you are familiar with New York Noir. It's a kinky club here in Manhattan, and they are eager to help you and the Project out. By the way, are you still involved in the Human Toilet Project?

Yes. They have told me they want to keep me alive and healthy in any way they can, and yeah, I am, I'll always be a part of the Project, so long as there is one, I guess.

(I felt a rush of excitement! I was going to be the ladies toilet for this club in New York! I wouldn't have to depend on Club Diva!)

So anyhow, New York Noir has actually invited you to be their ladies toilet tonight! Your personal staff have already been out there and have installed your special...what do you call it? It isn't a toilet but it's what you use.

My box.

Ok. Your box then. It's there. It's all set. So you are set for this week at least! But then what? We have been thinking about what is next for you, Russell, and I am asking my listeners to call in and if you have a public club, bar, I don't know, some place where a lot of women use the toilet. If you could use Russell as a ladies toilet, let us know, and we will pass the word on. This guy needs to be a toilet to survive. This is no joke! Let us know!

That night at New York Noir was amazing! The piss and shit was very familiar, but it had become almost routine by now, with the exception of the really messy bowel movements, or the times my mouth and throat would fill up so quickly with piss and shit that I could hardly stand  it, but that didn't happen that often. The women were so friendly! I enjoyed the brief glimpses I would get of them before getting that up close and personal view of their ass and anus. I would make up stories about them as they peed and shit in my mouth, what their lives must be like. The thoughts of a toilet, one that could think and feel. I also did a lot of shitting and pissing of my own. This time I felt more relaxed as one woman after another came in and used me. I needed this to stay alive. I could adjust to this kind of life. I already had to a large extent.

Since that fateful morning, when I appeared on Howard Stern's show, and my shitty situation had been broadcast to the world, my life has totally changed. I am still a Human Toilet and I lie almost every night beneath the ass of one woman after another, some thin, some fat, some white, some black, some tanned. I watch the stream of piss and slowly drink it as it fills my throat and mouth. I watch their anus pucker and receive their shit again and again and again. That hasn't changed, but all else has. I have been handsomely paid to be the ladies toilet in dance clubs, outdoor events, conventions, even shopping malls, throughout the US, and in Canada, Brazil, and especially in Europe. I am booked to be the ladies toilet for the next three years, and I expect to receive offers after that. I needn't worry about running out of women's shit and piss. There is an endless supply of women willing, even eager to shit and piss in my mouth. I can't divulge any names, because I promised confidentiality, but I have had many women celebrities, actresses, singers, comedians, shit and pee in my mouth. It has become a badge of honor between them. I am the women's toilet mascot for the world. I am the expert on shit cuisine. I am The Shit!

Maureen and I were married this last March and she still shows up at the ladies room, if I am the toilet for that night, and uses me. Her shit still tastes like semi sweet chocolate. Except for those hours spend on my back with my mouth forced open, I lead a normal and rather rich life. I have taken up painting, and no, I don't use excrement to paint with. I don't like to mix my night job with my leisure time.

Somehow I sensed deep inside me, when I began this weird adventure, that I would end up a Human Toilet for  Life, but I never suspected I would be a the best known, and best loved Human Toilet in the world. I have my detractors for sure, but that is a topic for another time, and frankly, I don't really give a damn.