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Wedding Bride
Author: Jack hgb
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(Added on Nov 9, 2011)
(This month 66514 readers) (Total 115056 readers) |
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Jenny an extremely good looking girl is about to get married, but something happens. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 2 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (6.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (7/10) |
| Highest
Rating: (7/10) |
| Lowest
Rating: (7/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Alix
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 1, 2011 |
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I enjoyed your story,thanks. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
Michael247
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 14, 2011 |
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There's a lot to work with here.
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There's a definition for stories like this: fuck fest. Basically it's a story that rushes from one fuck scene to the next and the plot line is basically fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. But hell, with "Wedding Bride" even the "fuck fuck fuck" has a great twist.
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I had very mixed feelings about this story. First of all the story had a ton of wrong or missing words. A good editor will help the author, or delay posting for a week or two and go back and read it. At one point, the author makes a pronoun error and the evil Jack (the character, not the author) goes back to Jenny's room and slips into bed with her future husband. Oops. Those errors were distracting, as was the formatting. Authors posting online should remember that HTML code (what makes a computer internet page) doesn't translate the "tab" or "indent" key. So it is imperative that you also hit "ENTER" between paragraphs. Run on sentences were common, and for once, I've found an author who didn't use ENOUGH commas, rather than too many.
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Grammar aside, the plot is fantastic. We are treated to a sexually escalating series of humiliating acts committed by and to poor little Jenny, who isn't so little in the 26EE breast department. Of course that's still not massive, so at least it's reasonable. Note to author: don't ever give the actual breast size of your character unless you can work it into the story, like if Jack had asked Jenny "what's your bra size?" DESCRIBE the breasts. E size breasts look about the size of large grapefruit (and not the kind you might get from Wal-Mart, trust me.) You're a writer, use WORDS to describe the breasts... overflowing his hands... something other than statistics.
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While the plot is amazing, the execution starts to fall a little short when Jack the Author begins running out of ideas. Fifteen weeks of sexual abuse is tough to fill and it's readily apparent that the author ran out of ideas and just started jamming things in. Hell, one week is so quick it doesn't even take four sentences to get through! This is where some editing would have done wonders. Instead of 15 weeks till Jenny's wedding, it would have been better to cut it down to six or seven, thus allowing the author's real "scenes", the full blown, well described ones, to shine.
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And shine they did. Some of them made me instantly hard. Some seemed ludicrous, like the houseful of black men (huh? was this some sort of racial thing?) who didn't get to fuck Jenny, but masturbated in a group to fill a glass that she had to drink. WTF? I'd like to see you get 10 black guys... hell ANY group of 10 guys for that matter... show them a gorgeous sex pot blonde that they know you have total control over, and get them to masturbate into a glass, but not get to fuck her. No way. You're asking for an ass whooping, trust me. And Jack's non-stop drugging of Jenny just made me roll my eyes, especially when it seemed like he was giving her different drugs. One seemed to make her sexually aroused. Another seemed to make her dependent. Which was it? Both? And did the Mexican whorehouse continue giving the drug to her?
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All in all, the author has an imagination and creativity level that inspires me. Clearly (despite not being able to fill up 15 weeks of abuse) he had some phenomenal ideas that went well beyond expectation. Not only that, but for a first time author, he hit upon a story plot vehicle (again, the 15 weeks of abuse concept) that while over extended, did EXACTLY what a great author wants it to do. The problems with this story weren't because the author isn't a good story teller, or didn't have a plot, it's experience, knowing what to cut in order to smooth out the story line. That takes time, and lots of writing. It's this reason that I rate this story a strong 7. When you have an author like this, who so clearly understands how to CREATE a story, and only needs to work on the crafting of it, you sit back, smile, and read. Encore Jack! Encore!
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Yours Faithfully, Michael Alexander
(www.michaelalexanderstories.com) (7/10)
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