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Fate of a Jewish Family
Author: sonya esperanto
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(Added on Aug 14, 2011)
(This month 33395 readers) (Total 55263 readers) |
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Set in Yugoslavia during the Second World War, when a Jewish family get captured by Nazi soldiers and then sent to an underground interrogation center for questioning and torture |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 3 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (3/10) |
Average
Rating:  (2.5/10) |
| Highest
Rating: (3/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (2/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Tavy
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 18, 2011 |
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Glaring inaccuracies, writing style failed to keep my attention. (2/10)
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| Reviewer:
Venom
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 16, 2011 |
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Michael Alexander assumed that English isn't the author's first language. Well, it isn't German either, given the crude German-English mixes like "Jawohl, Commandant" or "Herr Doctor" (Kommandant and Doktor would have done the trick). Why is Ludwig always addressed as "Herr", and not with his rank? Which leads us to historical accuracy:
The Second World War ended in Europe in 1945 (8th of May), not in '44.
"The USSR had occupied Poland and East Germany."
There was no East Germany during the war, only the eastern part of Germany. "East Germany" is a synonym for the Russian-controlled German Democratic Republic (the GDR was established in 1949).
Furthermore, Mohammed is a rather unlikely Bosnian surname, muslim or not.
"Holocaust" is not such a plain English as you stated -- it's Greek.
This is not a good story, and I don't even want to mention style and grammar.
(2/10)
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| Reviewer:
Michael247
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 16, 2011 |
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It hurts me to leave such a low rating for any author, but in good conscience, I can't do any better than this. A couple of recommendations for the author:
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Historical fiction can be great. Using the torture practices of the Nazis against the Jews as a backdrop for a BDSM erotica piece is, in general, bad taste. If your point, as you stated in the "author's note" at the beginning, is to make sure that such atrocities never happen again, you've definitely missed your demographic. The readers at this website WANT that stuff, but in a fictional setting. To sit there and write a BDSM erotic fiction work, aimed at deviants like me, while sitting there saying this was horrible and we should never do it again, is sort of hypocritical.
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I get the sense that English may not be the author's first language. If that is the case, a lot of the grammatical issues can be forgiven. If not, I would recommend the author review standard punctuation and formatting for paragraphs, comma use, and most especially dialog.
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Avoid sound effects. This isn't a movie. Writing "BBBBBBBBBBBBBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRBDDDDDDDDDDDDDTTTTTTTTT" for machine gun fire is no where near as effective as "the rattling pops of machine gun fire scattered through the forest, the staccato beats of death sounding like hail against the side of the truck. The wet impact sounds of the bullets striking the men filled the four women with terror as they watched the bodies fall to the ground,chewed up from the stream of lead."
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Lastly, the formatting for this story makes it difficult to read. There is a double space between each paragraph that creates a distortion in a reader's pacing. It makes the tale difficult to read. One "enter" after a paragraph is sufficient.
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Yours Faithfully, Michael Alexander
(www.michaelalexanderstories.com) (3/10)
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