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Molly
Author: Semiater
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(Added on Mar 2, 2002)
(This month 56126 readers) (Total 125573 readers) |
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The tale of an unfortunate girl who picks the wrong time to hitch a ride. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 9 |
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| 1 |
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22% |
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11% |
44% |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (8.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (9/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (10/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (7/10) |
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 19, 2009 |
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could not ask for much more (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
ramses
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 29, 2005 |
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Good story. The end was a bit too 'knight in shining armour'-like though. I would have liked it better if that part had been left out. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
wowzz
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 1, 2004 |
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The story is well written with enough rape, sex and violence to keep me on my seat (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
rcb
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 17, 2003 |
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Excellent story. Well written with just the right amount of true viciousness. (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
agp_millie
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 27, 2002 |
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i couldn't put it down, my heart went out to molly, but so very well written.
Thankyou (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
hyphen666
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 6, 2002 |
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My kind of story; plenty of sex and violence. The writing is adequate, but the pacing leaves something to be desired and I found the ending to be a bit hard to swallow, even for my fevered imagination. The heroine certainly gets a crash course in rape and dominance, and that carries the day for me despite the other problems. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
moonheart
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 6, 2002 |
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i felt the storie held your attention and i really liked the ending and i am glad that it ended the way that it did (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
RubbrSpatula
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 3, 2002 |
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I concur with Micky. One of the better stories I've read. I suggest that the author rewrite it, and streeeeeetch it out. It could use a better introduction (seems like straight exposition that doesn't show us who Molly is-- it just tells us who she is). If Molly were going over the past few days in her mind, it might bring the reader into who she is in a more engaging fashion than just giving all that information in a few rushing paragraphs.
Incidentally, this may just be my opinion, but I believe that Tony's request for oral sex ought to be a very guilty one. Don't just *tell* the reader he's feeling guilty-- show us he's ashamed of what he's done with her, or maybe that he's confused about developing a Molly 'habit'.
A little bit of dialogue, at the point where Tony is turning from an abuser to a needful owner, would be helpful to understand their growing codependency as master and slave.
The journey of how Molly got to her happy little clap is as important as that destination. THAT's your story... rewrite it and serialize it, and you'll have something top notch that you can sell, I believe. Also, pay attention to the flow of your dialogue. It's important that it reads the way it would sound. Check out Stephen King for examples on how to express thoughts and dialogue in a manner that is pleasing and easy to understand.
With new detail and added scenes, you could stretch each segment to the length of the story as it is currently collected. I suggest segmenting the chapters like so:
1) Molly is captured
2) Her first night in Michael's place
3) The following days, in brief glimpses
4) The journey to Raymond's and her first hour there
5) The hazy days after
6) Her return to Michael's and Tony's change of heart
7) Latin America: her first night
8) The days that followed
9) her 'rescue' and the epilogue (prologues proceed the story; epilogues are a last look back at the character)
I give you an 8-- great story, but I hope you'll consider expanding it! (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
mickydoughty
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 3, 2002 |
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Long story, but well worth reading. The author could do with slowing the pace down abit, as Molly goes from one abuse to another. Little bit of a breather between abuse, as every sentence, describes further abuse and degradation.
Though I did give this a ten due to the story and the ability of the author to describe graphically this girls abuse. I personally would have liked it extended when she is sent to the brothel and her time there. Which was a big chunk of the time there, but with little of the story on this period of her life. (personal view, from the stories I like to read, so others may disagree)
Good read, seems to hit the area in my jaded mind!! (10/10)
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