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Becoming a Slave
Author: Rocky.
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(Added on Nov 3, 2007)
(This month 42527 readers) (Total 70861 readers) |
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A young girl's tale of how she became a high school sex slave and her life afterwards. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 4 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (7/10) |
Average
Rating:  (7.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (8/10) |
| Lowest
Rating: (7/10) |
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| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 17, 2010 |
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While well written, "Becoming a Slave" has changes which are too brusque. Having that Tanner dude walk up to our oddly betitted heroine and immediately start commandeering her might fit in what the author had in mind, but it comes across like starting the story of a soldier who's going to war and in the second paragraph dropping an A-bomb on his barracks.
What also puts me off (but those are personal imperfections) is the use of the word 'Master' from the word go. Sometimes it works, usually it doesn't, as, first of, it shows a lack of imagination by the author (depending of course in which context it is used) and secondly --certainly among teenagers-- it sounds ridiculous.
Besides --and although I'm fond of the album-- it always reminds me of Metallica's classic "Master Of Puppets"...
I also didn't like the harsh language all the time, but again, that's me.
another thing which didn't feel right was the shallowness of the characters. While the descriptions, thoughts and actions are described in a comprehensible and satisfactory manner, those thoughts and actions handle only one level: that of the narrow field of the submission. Because, as submissive or masochist someone is, there's bound to be several layers in a personality. In "Becoming a Slave", we only meet the submissive persona.
Now, when push comes to shove --and after sounding a tad negative-- I liked the story. For the simple reason that, despite its flaws, everything fits.
Because, as tight and narrow as Rocky made the view on mainly Tanner and his 'slave', because of that narrowness everything feels rather okay.
The main thing to do, as a reader, is transpose yourself inside the world created by the author, instead of comparing the author's creation to an existing world, or the view you personally have of that world.
Anyway, I'm getting carried away here. It's not my intention to write an essay on the psychological aspects of the average BDSM-story reader.
"Becoming a Slave" is nothing to go all bonkers about, but certainly nothing to be ashamed of. On the contrary.
Good.
JJ (8/10)
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- Replied by:
Rocky
(Edit) (Jun 18, 2010)
- Once again, thank you for the extremely useful comments. This particular story was written at a time when I was trying to get the creative juices flowing in an attempt to finish my unfinished stories. Anyway, I'll certainly keep your comments in mind as I work on future efforts.
- Replied by:
Rocky
(Edit) (Jun 18, 2010)
- Once again, thank you for the extremely useful comments. This particular story was written at a time when I was trying to get the creative juices flowing in an attempt to finish my unfinished stories. Anyway, I'll certainly keep your comments in mind as I work on future efforts.
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| Reviewer:
Dryhill
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 13, 2010 |
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Not the sort of story that i really like but it is told well with plenty of attention to detail. One can actually believe this is a slave telling us about her life. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
bkmasta
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 4, 2007 |
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Very good work definately looking forward to more of your work. (7/10)
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- Replied by:
Rocky
(Edit) (Nov 4, 2007)
- I have several other tales posted on this site, at least two of which (or is it three?) are currently in progress. I appreciate your encouraging comment, and would like to hear your thoughts on how I can improve my writing.
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