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Who's the Boss
Author: MasterD
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(Added on Jul 21, 2007)
(This month 12344 readers) (Total 21079 readers) |
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Man train slave then realizes that she has become a pain slut, who diobeys, in order to be punished. Can he bend her will, and force her to become a true slave, or will her desire for punishment defeat his desire for her obedience? The prelude deals with the initial enslavement and realization that the slaves disobedience is deliberately designed to provoke punishment. Further episodes will deal with Master's plan to break slaves will. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 3 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (6.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (7/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (8/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (5/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Mad Lews
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 25, 2007 |
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I'll go along with the second critique. Your "introduction" is a bit rushed and jumps about in time so it becomes a little confusing.The natural progression of the story suffers from an excess of telling us what happened without showing us how such a relation could develop realistically.
some of the knowledge he possesses about her early in his seduction phase seems unlikely at best. P.S. to rewrite the synopsis simply go to the submission page and click update existing story and you should be able to rewrite or edit the synopsis (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
Blue_Monday
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 23, 2007 |
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I think the first review is unfair. The first paragraph made perfect sense to me. As the description states, this is just an introduction, a fairly brief description of a first encounter, setting the stage for handling a problem between Master and slave. But it gets right to the action, and was grammatically just fine. I would like to see future chapters slow down a little bit, and I think that is the author's intention. (8/10)
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- Replied by:
masterdw
(Edit) (Jul 23, 2007)
- Thank you. I have a previous lengthy story dealing with breaking of a slave through pain that is set in a world where the super rich have well trained slaves who will do everything. I did not want to deal with that again.
This is set in the real world. Nothing will happen that is physically impossible. What I want to explore, and will devote time to, is the training to complete obedience, which is my concept of true slavery, by using bondage and humiliation rather than by inficting of overwhelming pain. I think it may be more interesting. I hope so.
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| Reviewer:
heycarrieanne
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 21, 2007 |
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I was hesitant to even read a story with that many typos in the description, but I forged ahead. You need to learn that tenses need to be the same when discussing a specific time. For example, your first paragraph has every sentence but the last in past tense; then for some reason you use present tense in the last sentence. It was not grammatically correct. (5/10)
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- Replied by:
masterdw
(Edit) (Jul 23, 2007)
- There are many typos in the description. I spent time on the story and rushed through the description. My bad. However, the first paragraph is gramatically correct. The narrator is first describing events that happened in the past. His concluding sentence states how he feels about it NOW. The change of tense was deliberate. It is meantfor emphasis and to transition. I am sorry if the sloppy description made you stop at that point. If there is some way I can redo the desription, please let me know.
- Replied by:
heycarrieanne
(Edit) (Jul 26, 2007)
- Nope! Your "I do not like that idea" should have been : I did not like that idea. Don't make me pull out my teacher's punishment ruler!!! LOL
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