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Little Village Girl & the Military series
Author: janeraped
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(Added on Feb 22, 2007)
(This month 22147 readers) (Total 41078 readers) |
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This is the first part of a series of stories that have come out of my fascination with humiliation, bondage, rape and the military. This series revolves around what a bunch of military men would do when confronted with a helpless female (either a civilian or enemy troop). In this first of 3 parts, Little Village Girl went on a date with a dashing Marine officer, but she didn’t bargain for how the date would end, and the discovery of her true nature. Part 2 introduces the Internal Affairs Commander who interrogated a female captive soldier with surprising results. Part 3 brings back Little Village Girl who, having made a complaint about her “rape”, ended up in the hands of the Internal Affairs Commander and a very interesting future…What is meant by ‘cyber-story exchange: Portions of the stories were written in conjunction with some practising bdsm guys I met on the 2 sites. They wrote the ‘Him’ parts and I wrote the ‘Her’ parts. Thanks to both “MD” my ex-master for the brief mindfucks, and to “ST” for your wonderful hands, inventive rope techniques and hot sessions ;) |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 6 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (4/10) |
Average
Rating:  (3.5/10) |
| Highest
Rating: (4/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (3/10) |
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 14, 2008 |
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the story was ok, did not care for the layout, i felt i was reading a ovie script (3/10)
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| Reviewer:
Lee Boudine
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 25, 2007 |
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Good ideas, but poor techniqe. All I can say is that the techniqe is original. (3/10)
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| Reviewer:
25toLife
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 23, 2007 |
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I don't really care about the format or the grammer, but the story would be better told in first person because it fails to appeal to a reader who is not patient enough to read through the whole thing. (4/10)
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| Reviewer:
heycarrieanne
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 23, 2007 |
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Good grief! This is just awful. Your tenses are all over the place. I think going back and forth between characters would be a good idea, IF they all spoke in the same tense. (3/10)
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- Replied by:
janeraped
(Edit) (Feb 23, 2007)
- I guess you must be referring to the Part 3. Sigh...I should have put a note about the deliberate change in tenses. There are 2 separate sections to part 3- one is 'cyber-exchange' in which I wrote one part and my partner wrote the other- I've used the present tense for that, to further emphasize a situation in which we are almost writing out a roleplay fantasy. (which btw, both partners have been bdsm partners of mine). The 2nd section of Part 3 was deliberately written as in the past tense to further bring the story into a 'normal' mainstream type of story-telling (instead of a cyber-exchange with 2 people) - continuing the tale of what happens to village girl after that first night.
Yes, I should have heeded my own instincts to put in this caution, in the introduction, about the change in tenses, but I had thought I didn't want to lengthen the already long intro. But yes, I see, I should have done so, in order to appease the anal schoolmarms. (now, let me see...perhaps an anal school marm roleplay would be the next in line for a real-time bdsm session... ;)
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| Reviewer:
cala
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 23, 2007 |
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Half SPR, half cyber sex, little more than a cut and paste exercise. These oddments might have been easily adapted into a readable story using the time and effort put into lengthy synopses and prologues. (3/10)
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- Replied by:
janeraped
(Edit) (Feb 23, 2007)
- Not sure what is SPR, so I'll go google it and have a look. Yes, it was cyber-sex to begin with, which led onto some hot real time dalliances. But I do hope you've read the 3rd part and can tell me how you still thought of it.
- Replied by:
cala
(Edit) (Feb 27, 2007)
- Apologies, I meant to type SRP (sexual role play.) Yes, I read all three segments posted, and still failed to find any appeal in their presentation. The style is too cumbersome for comfortable reading.
I loathe seeing personal fantasies paraded as entertainment. They are too personal, too vain, and rarely translate into a passable story. This is not writing, it's show and tell.
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| Reviewer:
Snark
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 23, 2007 |
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Erotica by committee. This story needs a single person to assimilate the ideas into a cohesive story. Changing perspectives can add an interesting twist on the event, but this one reads like a script...that needs editing. (4/10)
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- Replied by:
janeraped
(Edit) (Feb 23, 2007)
- Yes, the cyber sex bit was left as it was. But if you have read Part 3, I have also woven a more 'mainstream' type of story (ie, telling it in a mainstream story-telling style) in between the cyber sex bits -- so as to flesh out more of, firstly, what happened to Little Village Girl after the (cybersex) night's encounter, and secondly, to give flesh out the background of the fictitious country she resided, and in which the story was set. Hope you do re-read Part 3 (if you haven't gotten that far) and tell me how it went.
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