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A snack for Jenny
Author: jenny r
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(Added on Dec 18, 2006)
(This month 18176 readers) (Total 44431 readers) |
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revenge never tasted better |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 5 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (7/10) |
Average
Rating:  (7.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (8/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (6/10) |
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| Reviewer:
HuManiMal
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 19, 2011 |
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Fix the codes fix spelling more background on Martin and you have winner! (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
Mad Lews
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 22, 2006 |
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Yup you wrote a nasty one there. I can see how you might want your victim to be little more than an object at this point. Still with that much of a drive for vengeance we need a little more background or a little more interaction between the two of them to make the story work. Something happened and you hint at it but we need a little more or we could end up feeling sorry for the victim and I know that's not the point. And yeah F/m not M/f but you know that by now. (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
Assaholic
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 20, 2006 |
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The nature of the torture I found quite original. However, I would agree with what has previously been mentioned concerning the need to get the story codes correct. My major concern with the story is that all the emphasis is on the domination and no thoughts or dialogue from the sub. For me there is a great psychological thrill in the process of being dominated, and good stories, I find, strike a proper balance between describing the thoughts, fears, and desires of the characters with the complimentary descriptions of the the acts and behaviors. I think the idea is excellent, I enjoyed it, and would love to see the story filled out more. Then, I would give it a higher rating. My rating is two points higher than I would give normally but I want to encourage you to post more stories and appreciate the fact that you are contributing. I would be very pleased to see your originality employed again and look forward to giving it a 10. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
atteone76
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 20, 2006 |
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Eight for the idea. I love evil girls. I'm going to have a great time reading your next story. Thank for your efforts. As for the writing, english is not my first language either thus I can understand how difficult it can be. I'd try to give some voice and color to the victim too, maybe add some lines of dialogue. Length isn't really an issue, as long as the plot develops smoothly and clean. Can't wait to read more! (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
H Dean
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 19, 2006 |
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Normally, I would not have read or reviewed a story of this nature. However, due to the error of the author posting story codes that were incorrect, I ended up reading it. So, I am reviewing it.
My first, and main complaint, is that the story is not M/f as advertised. It is F/m. You really need to get that straight. Some people will flame a story based story codes being incorrect.
Now, to valid points - the victim in this story had relatively no part as a character. His eyes got big and he thrashed about but that was all. In other words, he was less than two dimensional. Really, he didn't exist.
There were also many gramatical mistakes in this story. There are in most stories, though. Still, there were far too many run-on sentences in this story. You need to be far more liberal with your use of commas or write shorter sentences.
On the other hand, as a first effort, this is not bad. A bit short and entirely unpleasant, this was a fair first effort. Next time, slow down and give your story a proper edit. Also, make sure to use the proper codes. (6/10)
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- Replied by:
jennylovebunny
(Edit) (Dec 20, 2006)
- thanks for your comments. Please feel free to make any grammatical corrections or updates and send to me. I will update the story. It was written in a bit of a rush and english is not my first language.
- Replied by:
H Dean
(Edit) (Dec 20, 2006)
- Writing in a rush will get you every time.
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