|
|
|
|
|
Donnie\'s Bitch
Author: Amanda Collsen
|
| |
(Added on Jun 14, 2006)
(This month 128083 readers) (Total 282395 readers) |
| |
Hypocritial mother gets a taste karma |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 16 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| 1 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
5 |
6 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
10 |
| 0% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
6% |
0% |
13% |
31% |
25% |
25% |
|
Weighed
Average (?):  (8.5/10) |
| Average
Rating: (8.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (10/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (5/10) |
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
CrossWriter
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 29, 2016 |
| |
Good story. It was on the imaginative end, but who knows if such relationships and actions do happen in real world or not. Writing skills can improve, but it was readable with what was provided. Enjoyed it a lot. Blondie was my fav. character. (8/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
Martiniman
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 20, 2012 |
| |
I'll tell you upfront that I gave this story a nine. Anyone who puts this much effort into such a long & detailed story, that was this good deserves kudos. It would have received a ten if it was finished with a nice solid conclusion. Pushing 3.5 years without a new chapter, I'm assuming it will never be finished & this is a pet peeve of mine. This site is free, so as long as I can read & understand the story I don't review based on grammar. However, there were three different ages given when Angela had Amanda & I'm confused if its 13, 14 or 16. Furthermore, lesbians usually do not strive to give males oral sex, nor do they get excited about anal sex with males. So bi it is. The great part is how well this story worked. I'm personally not a fan of consensual beastiality. NC beastiality can be fun if done correctly in a story. However, there were so many interesting characters, events & sub plots in this story that I really enjoyed it. Again, sad it had no clear ending. You also did a good job on not going overboard in writing about the sex with Donnie.
I just kept thinking as I read this story how sweet it would be to have a similar story of this length & quality based on catching the mom in another equally vile sex act & the daughter & lover make the mom a sex slave with the purpose of turning mom into a lesbian...which she originally abhorred. With the lover being well versed in psychology, she could have used her knowledge to warp the mom's mind over time. Oh well...maybe someone will write that story one day.
Either way...this story is well worth the time to read.
To the author...if you do continue this story, please don't overkill it with Angela being modified as it suggested in the final chapter. I'd love to see a simple happy ending with all three in the house & in love. It was getting sad at the end. (9/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
rehl25
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 13, 2011 |
| |
I have read this story for the first time about 2 years ago,(not too sure) and i couldnt forget it. about every 4-5 months i think about how awesome would it be if i could read it again, but I never remembered, on what site i read it. Now i found it, read it, and it was still amazing. Maybe, becouse the story is not overpowered by the eroticism,but its still always there.Most stories are like this:Story,porn,story,porn,story,porn...
But here they are both present.And its awesome. I hope you make more of it. (10/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 6, 2010 |
| |
A story which has a good time punching most of my buttons to pulp, this is.
Though I sometimes found some of the dialogue to be a tad cheesy, I liked the interaction between mom and daughter.
As far as spelling and other errors go, I'm not the kind to go all bonkers about it. In fact, I *do* go bonkers about it, but only when those errors are to be found in a book I just bought. As an editor, seeing some paragraphs in "Donnie's Bitch", I'd gladly throw Miss Collsen out of the window of my office, whatever floor we'd be on. Okay, 'xept maybe the basement. But I'm not an editor, so, who cares...
The story is also quite uneven at times, going from inventive manipulation over lackluster descriptions and pedestrian recountings, back to accurate descriptions and a rollercoaster ride. A bit like real life then, heh..?
The unevenness could have to do with the fact that the story is written over a period of over two years, regarding the different states of mind Amanda (supposedly) went through in that time.
Anyway, I loved the story so far. So far, as it says "to be continued" at the bottom, I guess there's more to come.
Nice work, Miss Collsen.
A bit of a pity that there's only two stories by your wicked hand. I'd like to see more stories, but that's my read-greed speaking.
Cheerio.
Oh, and the word "lounge" comes from the french "Longue (long)" as in "Chaise-longue" or long chair. Those chairs were often to be found in the antichambre or foyer at upscale ballrooms, theatres or restaurants, where the clients could sip a cocktail or apéritif before having dinner/watching a play/whatever. Americans changed the "longue" to lounge... in all their glorious knowledge...
JJ (9/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
ericca
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 13, 2008 |
| |
Splendid story, well written and good development of caracters and psychological motivations. (10/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
iceblock
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 1, 2008 |
| |
Unfortunately I tend to lose interest in these long stories and have only read the first six or seven chapters of this one. But recently, despite having read stories on this site for years, I finally looked into this review function. When I've tried in the past I've always had trouble logging in so hadn't bothered. But now the site seems to be working better, so here I am.
I'd like to say in defence of my fellow Aussie, but that has nothing to do with it!! Truth is I read the first four or five chapters together and this is one of the very few porn stories where I had any empathy with any of the characters. No doubt this story improved as it continued and I found myself drawn back to it despite the fact I never actually found it particularly arousing.
To gain an audience, as you did with me, and keep me interested despite the subject matter not necessarily being to my personal tastes must be a commendation to the Author. (7/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
ElectricBadger
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 30, 2008 |
| |
Not my normal subject matter, but as mentioned before it was actually presented really well, and I enjoyed a bit extremism quite a lot. The story was well compiled, with very good flow and nice transitions, and believable characters with some personality.
A bit of technical tweaking here and there would help some, but the errors weren't noticably detracting. If you do want some reviewing and editing, though, look into this site's forums: I'd love to see your work in the story feedback or pencil sharpening areas. A lot can be accomplished, however, by simply setting your work down for a couple days and then reading it over again (ideally out loud, where you can hear the subtler facets of English). Mind you, I never have the patience to do that at all.
The things I'd look at for improvement, though, are descriptions and feelings; you talk about the action very well but a few more adjectives would go a long way.
Oh -- and in defense of our bastardized words, you bloody Tories don't speak the same language we had when we took off either ;)
Anyways, keep up the awesome work, and write more soon -- I can't wait to read it!
(10/10)
|
| |
- Replied by:
ElectricBadger
(Edit) (Jun 30, 2008)
- Really nice work, it's improved alot since I first read it. I'm impressed by the ingenuity (this definitely isn't more of the same old thing!) and you've improved mechanically as well. Upped my review to suit. Keep up the great work!
- Replied by:
Mandy001
(Edit) (Jul 14, 2008)
- I'm smiling,
Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. There are more chapters coming, and I hope they're as titillating and thought provoking.
Ohhh btw...I'm not English...I'm Australian, so I suppose I can't get too huffy about your bastardised spelling.
Cheers
Amanda
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
caiged
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 27, 2008 |
| |
Love It (10/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
TammiB
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 21, 2007 |
| |
Well, what can I say that has not been said...Grammar and spelling are very important to me, and can often cause me to leave a story unfinished (in reading terms!). This one did not have that effect, yes there were errors, but not too many, and the story itself was quite gripping and entertaining. The descriptive work was well written and gave me great mental pictures (no mean feat!)
I would like to offer my encouragement and hopes for future installments.
Finally a suggestion which may put my spelling and grammar pedantry to good use - I would be happy to help you out by proof reading anything (7/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
vampmaster
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 13, 2007 |
| |
I think it's a good story. Not everyone can be Grisham, so I don't expect english to be perfect each time.
While the story touches a couple of big no/no's (like zoophilia) it's not done in a fashion that grossed me out. Even the Incest (that so far hasn't taken place)
Keep it going this story brought a smile to my face, a hard on to my dick, and a blow job to my mind. (8/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
H Dean
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 13, 2007 |
| |
Possibly, a good story lurks somewhere amidst this offering. However, this story appears to have poorly thought out and put together in a rush and without a proper edit. So numerous were the punctuation errors that I began to hunt for them. That's never a good sign. Further, there were several misuses of words - "plutonic" instead of "platonic". Beyond the mistakes, there was the writing style of this author, which I found to be rather lifeless - probably due to the haste in which it appears to have been constructed.
**As of the latest installment (Chapter 3) there is a marked improvement in this story. As it has improved, so has my rating. (5/10)
|
| |
- Replied by:
Mandy001
(Edit) (Jun 20, 2006)
- Dear H,
I read your review, and have to say I was somewhat put off by what you had to say. Initially, my thoughts were, “Fuck you, egghead!” But as I normal do, I sat back and thought about what you had said. And you were right, there are still many errors. In defence, I have to say that English was one subject I never mastered.
I have read some of your posts in the forum and agree that to improve you need to know that improvement is needed; this is why reviews and critiquing is important. On the other hand, harsh reviews can be soul destroying. I am heartened by the knowledge that you have as much to learn about critiquing as I have of writing.
Quote [I can't understand why anyone would be upset at a harsh review so long as it was based on the merits of the story and not due to disliking the story's subject.]
I believe you have failed to take into account the motivation that pushes one into putting an idea down in print. You seem preoccupied with the technical and have paid little attention to the passion.
What is needed in your reviews is a little encouragement, not much, just enough for the writer to be spurred on to greater efforts. And don’t point to that backhanded comment.
Quote [“Possibly, a good story lurks somewhere amidst this offering.”]
I wish to improve despite your harsh review, but then this is my character and not your lack luster efforts at critiquing. I agree that spelling and grammar are important, but not as much as you seem to think. I know there were errors in my story, I cringed when I read it after it had been posted, I spent days checking and re-checking for errors, and still I missed some … “Dagnabit! You can’t win them all.”
You may say “Get someone else to edit your story” and I wish I could, the problem I have with that suggestion is, “subject matter” as you can appreciate, the material in the story isn’t what you might term, main stream, I can just see myself saying, “Hey! Mum, can you check this story for grammatical and spelling errors?” I think not.
The “Gate Keepers” to the literary world believe that they have sole responsibility to keep the uneducated masses out of their little corner by throwing up the technical, and destroying the passion.
And what do you have when all is said and done? You have what’s commonly known as a “spelling and grammar checker” and we both know they don’t work, don’t we! Or we wouldn’t be having this little conversation.
To sum up… a little encouragement goes along way. And is probably the reason for some of the stories you have read and not seen finished, the author has not been sufficiently encouraged, and hounded by the grammatical and spelling wolves of the literary world.
Thankyou for setting aside some of your valuable time in reviewing my story anyway, (I’ll rescind my application for addition of the story for a Nobel Prize.) Thanks for the tip, I doubt that I will improve drastically in the near future so I suggest that you not click on anymore of my stories, and save your sanity.
Yours graciously,
Amanda.
PS. “Defence” is the English spelling. “Defense” is the bastardized version the Americans use, so please don’t come back with that one.
Thankyou.
- Replied by:
H Dean
(Edit) (Jun 20, 2006)
- When one posts a story in a venue which allows for commentary from readers one must expect commentary. I would suggest that it is partially what one hopes for. Not all reviews are going to be stellar and there will be many times when one must even suffer through reviews based on completely asinine reasons.
You should note that my commentary was not based, as you appear to think, on technical aspects. It was based on your style of story telling. I found it to be mundane and uninteresting - I stateed as much. I cannot be blamed for that any more than you can be blamed for me liking or disliking your topic or story codes.
Furthermore, when the technical errors are as plentiful as were present in this story, one cannot blame the reader for noticing them or commenting upon them. Your story provided so many mistakes that I was, in fact, hunting for them. This is not, in the least, beneficial to the story or the reading experience.
As for the reviewer having the responsibility to offer encouragement; that is your opinion but I do not share in that. I believe that a reviewer should offer valid commentary. That commentary should be, in and of itself, encouragement.
I will offer that I have received harsh reviews from certain reviewers. Some of it was ridiculous (Based on story content and not on story presentation) and some was valid. I did not always like the commentary and, on occassion, reacted as poorly as you have. However, after further review, I did my best to take into consideration the critisism offered. I have improved as a result.
Finally, I suggest you take a little more time in reading what critics have offered up to you. You were so pre-occupied with my comments regarding your mistakes that you failed to note that I based my review on other aspects, as well.
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
themaneloco
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 1, 2006 |
| |
I liked it. Keep up the good work! (8/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
La Toya
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 6, 2006 |
| |
The story is great! Yes you had some minor problems, but as you replied to one reviewer, "English was one subject I never mastered". That being the case, you did great.
I look forward to reading more, including the added punishment, of not just one mother, but maybe both.
Keep up the great work
La Toya (9/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
sub_for_you
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 22, 2006 |
| |
I could probably find all kinds of things technically "wrong" with the writing, but damn, it is hot!!! And really, that's what I read these stories for. I hope you add some more chapters. I want to hear all about mom being Donnie's bitch.
PS. I would be happy to proofread future installments. (8/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
jip
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 20, 2006 |
| |
What a story! Amanda enjoys her revenge on hypocrite Angela, who probably did destroy Samantha's life for a couple of years. (9/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 14, 2006 |
| |
great start will re-review upon more chapters (8/10)
|
|
|
About 