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Bored Housewife
Author: kitykat
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(Added on Jun 4, 2006)
(This month 8828 readers) (Total 17361 readers) |
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A bored housewife meets a friend online. But is he all she thinks he is or more? |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 6 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (6/10) |
Average
Rating:  (6.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (8/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (5/10) |
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| Reviewer:
severn
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 6, 2006 |
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Agree the last paragraph is long but I sure you enjoyed writing it, I enjoyed reading it. I wish some of the so called reviewer stop checking spelling, grammer or no one will write these good stories (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
intricatepieces
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 5, 2006 |
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Finally a story that’s potentially realistic leaving the line between fantasy and reality razor thin. So many stories try and attain that "shock" value thinking that's what appeals to BDSM readers.
Personally, I don't care if the entire story is grammatically correct (That’s a minor issue to be sorted out by an editor). I read for content and this story line has great potential. The beginning is well developed and draws the reader in leaving them hungry for more. I can’t wait to read the rest. You have my vote! (8/10)
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- Replied by:
kitykat
(Edit) (Jun 6, 2006)
- Thank you so much!!
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| Reviewer:
Trues_Doll
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 5, 2006 |
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I too am giving you a 5 out of 10. Hating to repeat what others have said, but the main reason for my rating is because of the way too long paragraph, but also you should try to write the characters dialogue as separate lines. You might also want to add more dialogue to help explain the actions of what is going on instead of so much narrative. Dialogue can help hold the interest of the reader by allowing them to feel or think what the characters are doing, saying or thinking, plus adding dialogue allows you to let the characters tell the story. ~ann~ (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 5, 2006 |
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the story was ok,j ust no shock value nothing to grab the reader (6/10)
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| Reviewer:
heycarrieanne
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 4, 2006 |
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Your story is good and maybe you just got excited while writing it and that is why you have a paragraph that is most of the story. I sincerely hope you will redo it and resubmit it so I can give you a higher score. I think it has some potential. Oh, and learn what the codes mean! (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
Lisa Jones
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 4, 2006 |
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It's a good start, and I'm looking forward to see where this is going. So why only five out of ten, well, two reasons.
1. I was surprised by what I found after checking the story codes. I'm not sure that being handcuffed and gagged against her will within a couple of pages classifies as either slow, or reluctant, or even romantic. Maybe you'll prove me wrong in later parts.
2. Please, please, please use paragraphs. Over half the text is in one enormous paragraph and this is very offputting for the reader. You ought to start a new paragraph everytime a different person speaks. Not only is this good grammar, but, more importantly, it helps the reader. Fix this and I'll change my rating, because you have the potential for much, much more.
Enough of my carping, I did enjoy it and look forward to the story continuing (with paragraphs *please*) (5/10)
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