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Tea Biscuit
Author: pr_squared
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(Added on Oct 28, 2005)
(This month 59146 readers) (Total 81868 readers) |
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Ethan is accepted at a prestigious riding stable. A ponyboy story |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 4 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (9/10) |
Average
Rating:  (9.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (10/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (8/10) |
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| Reviewer:
total_amateur
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 16, 2011 |
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Your stories are the reason I too started writing as a pass time and uploading some on this site. The themes, the worlds, the characters, and even the campy humour of some are just the type I look for in a good erotic fiction. I hope you come back with a new one! (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
schneelocke
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 19, 2005 |
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I really liked this story a lot. The storytelling is great, the characters are believable, and the plot is interesting. The only flaws I could see where in the background - maybe it's just me, but some things don't seem to fit together.
Much of the way the ponies are handled in the story, and much of the way they act and react, is taken from real horses, of course, but one vital difference is missed: that a human (even one who becomes a pony, and might thus cease to be a human in the eyes of the inhabitants of the storyverse) has the ability to think and reflect and thus control or adapt his own behaviour in ways that real horses cannot. This is briefly mentioned in one part, where it is said that even though Ethan / Tea Biscuit lost his voice, he didn't lose his ability to think; yet most of the time, the ponies react in the same instinctive fashion that real horses do, and it's at least implied that this is due to the fact that they are not able assess the situation in the same way a human would. This is rather unfortunate, of course - it creates a tension in the storyverse and makes it less believable, thus making it harder for the reader to immerse themselves into the story.
In fact, I'd say that the fact that this dichotomy is usually glossed over creates other problems in the story, as well; for example, there is pretty much no insight offered into the physiological/mental/spiritual journey the ponies take after the beginning of the story. As soon as Ethan / Tea Biscuit loses his voice, he also ceases to be a real character - instead, he becomes a relatively generic pony, and if it wouldn't be for his attraction to Beth that is occasionally mentioned, he really could be interchanged for pretty much any other pony without the rest of the story being changed in any way. To me, this is unfortunate; I would've liked to get more insights into what a (human) male in a world like this might feel when he becomes a pony, what he would think, how he would feel about the changes and about his new situation after he actually got a chance to see what they're really like, and so on. There is a psychological transition involved here that I think would have to happen over a long period of time and accompanied by close monitoring to ensure that it properly takes place. Without that, I think that in reality, many ponies would break soon and either rebell or try to kill themselves - which, given that they're really still humans with the ability to think and use tools etc. (I don't recall a mention that a pony's fingers etc. would be removed as well to deprive him of that ability, but I might be wrong), I think they still would be able to do.
Another thing I'm not sure about with regard to the story background is whether there are males in the "regular" part of society, as well; it seems to be that that's the case, considering that in the beginning, it's mentioned that Ethan wanted to be a pony since he was a child instead choosing one of the other professions a little boy might adore (I think firefighter was one example), but after reading all of it, I'm not sure about it. It'd be nice to get some more background info on the storyverse here.
Still, it's a very good story, and I'm looking forward to reading more! :) (8/10)
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- Replied by:
Ranai
(Edit) (Nov 20, 2005)
- Wow. The library needs more reviews like this. Hats off to you, schneelocke.
I would like to add a comment on a theme so perceptively touched here: For me personally, information on what is going on in an enslaved (or voluntarily submitting) character's thoughts and emotions is not merely a question of internal plausibility. It is part of my enjoyment of a story. You could call it the mental side of sadism, or emotional voyeurism: While he is going through whatever the author is putting him through, I want to watch what is going on in his mind. :-)
- Replied by:
schneelocke
(Edit) (Nov 20, 2005)
- @Ranai: Thanks. :) Yes, I agree - knowing what goes on in the mind of a character (especially a sub/slave/bottom/pony/dog/... - for me, anyway) is part of what makes a story great. Not that I mind elaborate descriptions of what's happening, either, of course... ;)
BTW, you may be interested in a story a friend of mine has been writing (and still is continuing); it's being posted in the ponyplay community on Livejournal, with the first part being here: www.livejournal.com/community/ponyplay/29745.html (subsequent parts are in the same community). You don't have to be a Livejournal member to view them, either; so if you have some time to spare, I recommend checking it out. It's really beautiful. :)
- Replied by:
pr_squared
(Edit) (Nov 22, 2005)
- Thank you for your thoughtful and detailed commentary. I've played with several 'story-verses." In this one, Ethan chooses to be a pony, something like someone might choose a profression like being a soldier - if you will forgive me. He believes all the hyperbole and will sacrifice everything to become a champion. I agree that Evan's spiritual transformation deserves more attention. Ethan finds salvation in his devotion to his rider. I gave no attention to other males in this society. Seeing the bond between a pony and his rider, would other males be contemptuous or jealous?
Ponie's thumbs are routinely removed.
Did you look at my other story, Big Boy, where the transformation is nonconsensual.
Thanks for taking the itme to read my story and giving me a number of thoughtful insights to consider. Some of your points requie some time and thought.
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| Reviewer:
Psylent1
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 1, 2005 |
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This story does a great job at creating an alternate universe where Ponyboys are an intregrated part of everyday life.
I do like the "Slider"-type stories that give us a parallele version of reality that turns right & wrong upside down and shows that it can be just a matter opinion of which is which.
Hope to see some more like this from you, maybe expanding upon the "pet slave" motif. (10/10)
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- Replied by:
pr_squared
(Edit) (Nov 1, 2005)
- That's exactly what I tried to do. I really appreciate that you took the time to comment on a story. Thanks for your kind words. Take a look at my story "Trick or Treat." Comments there follow a curious bimodal loe-hate distribution.
pr_squared
pr_squared
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| Reviewer:
Ranai
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 29, 2005 |
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Extremely well written. The plot is suspenseful, uncanny, compelling. A tale of naivity, hope, affection, casual cruelty, domination, control and dehumanisation.
And, on various different levels, the story actually makes you think. Like all well-presented fiction in which the characters unquestioningly and convincingly embrace practises and opinions that differ from what we are used to. Or is it so strange? For example, what is adequate to do with another sentient being? Or, what do people in our real world readily sacrifice, undergo and do in order to pursue various types of ‘glorious careers’? What is a well-informed choice?
Even for readers who, like me, much prefer the sort of enslaved character who is able to say something... this tale is definitely worth the read. (10/10)
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- Replied by:
pr_squared
(Edit) (Oct 29, 2005)
- Thank you for your kind review. I wanted to write a story in which people think differently than we think and question their basic beliefs no more than we do. I tried to make the story logical in that context, but not make any of the characters intentionally cruel or grotesque. I'm glad you enjoyed it and took the time to write such a thoughtful reply. Thank you.
pr_squared
- Replied by:
Ranai
(Edit) (Oct 30, 2005)
- You are welcome, and thank you for sharing your talent.
Maybe I should also mention that the protagonist’s readiness to obey make him endearing and sexy, and that many scenes sparkle with erotic tension.
The result in this reader: A struggle between the side that cares for the protagonist, and the side that deeply relishes watching his emotional turmoil, powerlessness, discomfort, unfulfilled desire. A fine example of the power of the written word.
- Replied by:
pr_squared
(Edit) (Oct 30, 2005)
- I looked at your other reviews. Please take a look at the other two stories that I have posted -"Big Boy" and "Trick or Treat."
Thanks.
pr_squared
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