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Her Journey Begins
Author: Master S
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(Added on Oct 12, 2005)
(This month 10174 readers) (Total 19862 readers) |
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A woman's lover begins her journey into the world of BDSM |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 8 |
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25% |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (6.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (7/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (8/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (5/10) |
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 23, 2009 |
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nicely done (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
Auggie'sSlave
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 1, 2005 |
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I would like to see more of your story... Give it up... I know you have it... lol... waitng on pins and needles... (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
Mad Lews
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 25, 2005 |
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Nice story, discriptive and well paced.Having a little more conversing and a little less straightforward description wouldn't hurt. A run through with editing software or a proofreader would helpful (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
mastersall
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 17, 2005 |
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Now that you have set the outline perhaps you can go back and invade her thinking... (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
heycarrieanne
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 15, 2005 |
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The idea behind the story is excellent (albeit a bit worn), but you need to decide the voice of the story -- pick a tense and stay there! I hope you continue it, but you need to tell the readers something of your characters. And perhaps a bit of real conversation between your characters would be in order. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
dasplacken
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 14, 2005 |
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I enjoyed the pace of the story and the way that they discovered and she succumb to his administrations and her desire, but the jumping back and forth between verb tenses and the grammarical errors really need attention. Breannefun is correct, staging and setting the mood in the story would have added a good deal to it. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
Breannefun
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 13, 2005 |
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First of all, there were a number of grammarical mistakes. I can over look these, but what I can't overlook is the changes in tense. Were you writing in past tense or present? You switched once during the story. Also, there were no descriptions of anything except the dom's actions and the sub's reactions. Nothing environmental. You've got to set the stage. Create the right mood. (6/10)
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| Reviewer:
DeGrinch
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 13, 2005 |
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The writing itself was good, the story reads easly, however, I just couldn't get a feeling for the charactors and I can't really say why. Perhaps some dialog? (7/10)
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