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A New World
Author: Rocky
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(Added on Jul 27, 2005)
(This month 205609 readers) (Total 341782 readers) |
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Set in the not-too-distant future, in a country where females are second-class citizens and the only punishment for crime is slavery. The story of the transformation of a young, carefree teenage girl into a submissive, obedient slave after being convicted of a crime she didn't commit. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 21 |
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24% |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (8.5/10) |
| Average
Rating: (8.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (10/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (1/10) |
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| Reviewer:
ellegirl232
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 22, 2010 |
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xx (1/10)
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- Replied by:
Rocky
(Edit) (Aug 1, 2005)
- Thanks for your comments. Actually, I had considered a re-write with the two "snuffies" having something else done to them...but considering what I have in mind for the main character, all the other "punishments" I could think of are probably also going to happen to her, anyway. And don't you just hate it when the same thing keeps happening in a story?
- Replied by:
sylvia_ber
(Edit) (Aug 3, 2005)
- Usual i am not into snuff. But here it was fitting perfectly in the story. It was great.
- Replied by:
Rocky
(Edit) (Aug 4, 2005)
- Again, thanks. I will probably be updating the codes with the next upload anyway, simply because as the story progresses, my original plot is taking new twists that I hadn't anticipated.
- Replied by:
ellegirl232
(Edit) (Jun 22, 2010)
- xx
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| Reviewer:
Deathnote
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 28, 2007 |
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Not bad. I'm glad I decided to finish reading this story. As soon as I reached chapter 12, I stopped reading it for a long time... but I just couldn't help finding out what happened to Sheri in the end. I'm glad I did. I know she's just a character, but... >_>
Neways, great job on writing this story. ^_^ (9/10)
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- Replied by:
Rocky
(Edit) (Sep 21, 2007)
- Sorry for the delay in responding, but thank you for the kind review. I'm glad you had to eventually come back and finish the story. I've been attempting some sort of sequel, but it just doesn't seem to be working. Maybe someday an idea will take hold and there will be more.
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| Reviewer:
Deanna
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 12, 2006 |
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This guy's a pedophile! He's writing about underaged girls, and killing! You belong in jail, where the real men will know what to do with you. (1/10)
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- Replied by:
Rocky
(Edit) (Nov 18, 2006)
- It's apparent you have issues with me, Deanna. Either you give vague reasons such as "poorly written" for your ratings of my stories, or you simply attack me. I really don't give a flying fuck what you think, because it's become very obvious to me from your "reviews" that you don't care for BDSM stories. It makes me wonder what you are even doing here.
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| Reviewer:
OttifantSir
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 26, 2006 |
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Though the story takes a little while to blossom, it more than makes up for it later on. I am not partial to feces play myself, but even so, the setting about it makes it "natural", it belongs in the story. I should have been asleep several hours ago, but couldn't set the story aside. This is a truly accomplished writer, and an excellent story! (10/10)
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- Replied by:
Rocky
(Edit) (Sep 12, 2006)
- Thank you for the encouraging review. I apologize for the lateness of my response; for some reason, I'm not getting notifications that revews have been written. Sorry that my little story kept you awake....NOT! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
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| Reviewer:
littleone_
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 19, 2006 |
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This author shows a lot of creativity and can create a good picture in the readers mind. The story flows well and the ending is absolutely the beat part adding just the right touch at the right time. There were spots in the story were the author stretched reality to the point where it interfered with the credibility of the circumstances. Also, the author never really got the female psyche right in regards to the main character but then few male authors do and most female authors that do hit it write end up writing boring stores devoid of any real action. Still, I have to say, as a female, while he did pretty good getting in Sheri’s mind he could have displayed a bit better understanding of what her emotions would have been. This story is definitely worth reading and I do recommend it. You’ll find the plot entertaining and the characters mostly credible. Perhaps the strong point of this story is the transformation of Shrie from high school queen bea to being the perfect girlfriend/slave and her physical and emotionally traumatic journey from the one to the other. (8/10)
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- Replied by:
Rocky
(Edit) (Jul 28, 2006)
- I'm glad you enjoyed it, and appreciate the critical review. I have a collaborator now who will be able to provide insight into the thoughts and emotions of female characters, so perhaps future stories will be better in that regard. We are working on a sequel, but it just hasn't fleshed out the way either of us want. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
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| Reviewer:
La Toya
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 21, 2006 |
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Very well done story. This is one of the better starts to a story, I have read in the past month or so. (10/10)
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- Replied by:
Rocky
(Edit) (Jul 28, 2005)
- I'm glad you've enjoyed it so far. Chapter 2 is forthcoming, and should be up with the next update.
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| Reviewer:
gcevans
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 26, 2005 |
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This realy is my favorite of your stories though I feal that breaks down twords the end. The whole section right after she graduates from slave training does not work for me. It is not that it could not happen or is wrong for the world that you have crafted it is just that it is not interesting. It is too purely distructive and make the final step not ring true. I just don't belive that she could come back from that to be as functional as she is at the end.
That secontion also loses the strength of your writing which for me is the viewpoint. That is up until then it was a quite personal story of our slave but at that point it becomes a jumble until she suddenly becomes stable again. It weakens the whole story at that point. (10/10)
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- Replied by:
Rocky
(Edit) (Nov 27, 2005)
- Thank you for the critical review. I suppose it would have made more sense if I'd provided more detail into her "recovery," or whatever you want to call it, but felt adding that would actually detract from the rest of the story. Given your comments, though, I appreciate the high numeric score.
On another note, I am drafting a sequel. If and when it will be published, I have no idea.
- Replied by:
gcevans
(Edit) (Nov 28, 2005)
- It was more then wanting a more detailed recovery I felt that the final hell section broke the reality of the story to much. It stopped seeming real and just out of wack fantasy. In another story it might have worked but unlike the extream sections in your other stories I just did not belive that she would survive at all. It seems to me that if you want to move to the most extreame you should have that happen to the mother who is the real target of revenge and leave the daugher as just a witness who is then discarded. But from the first seen of the hell section you discribe that damage is done that will ruin her value as a slave to anyone who wants her. This makes the whole recovery seem impossible. I suspect that part of my issues is that up until that moment in the story she is so compleatly portrayed that the break is more striking then it would be in another case.
In any case please keep on writing.
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| Reviewer:
kalstolyn
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 23, 2005 |
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Quite enjoyable, but a number of glaring errors annoyed me... but overall, not bad, as internet fiction goes. (8/10)
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- Replied by:
Rocky
(Edit) (Oct 23, 2005)
- If you'd point out the errors for me, I'd be able to fix them. Since the site is going to soon be removing any stories with underage characters, I need to revise it anyway. FYI, I probably won't be revising the other stories I've written.
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| Reviewer:
Shockwave
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 8, 2005 |
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hell, dont stop now! you are at the point in the story were you need to do 3 thing. first, bring Sheri back to being a person from a slave, second finish getting revenge for her. third get both Sheri & her mother freed.
if i can think of any thing else i will try to tell you.
(10/10)
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- Replied by:
Rocky
(Edit) (Oct 9, 2005)
- Thanks for the comments. I'll consider continuing the tale in a sequel, or perhaps an epilogue. For now, though, I need to let the "unwarped" side of my brain take over for a while. Simply put, I need a rest from writing.
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| Reviewer:
pejanon
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 10, 2005 |
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Not exactly original format - but it doesn't have to be. On the other hand I SWORE if I saw 'processing' one more time I'll drop it. I didn't - that is what you get when you are a 'name' author. Fortunately it gets better all the time, with typical Rocky quirks and really kinky kinks. Want to get clean? Wallow in filth first, A lot of filth.
Ch 4 and 5 are bordering perfection in my opinion. Damn hot reading and a touch of romance even. Ah and " After the brisk, twenty-minute crawl... "I tough I was in cartoon! More of that!
So if Rocky manages to pull off 'perfect slave' stunt (tough act) YET AGAIN this reviewer will gladly change this to - 10 - AND eat his sunglasses. (No perfect slave without fitting master?)
Note: "Most of convicts were beautiful girls." Really? Ugly ones are not baaad or nobody is interested in enslaving them? That is discimination! Fortunately this is fiction ...
Wouldn't know about 'socal commetary', 'Memoirs ...' were more relavant in my opinion.
(8/10)
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- Replied by:
Rocky
(Edit) (Aug 11, 2005)
- Wow...thanks! Your comment about the convicts all being young and beautiful...yeah, real life ain't like that...but what the hell, it's my fantasy, right? I figure most guys wouldn't be interested the fatties, dogs, etc., when they can so easily set up the young, hot ones. I mean, why fuck Hillary Clinton when you can have that hot little bitch who wiggled her ass at you in high school, but never put out? And, yeah, I know the use of "fatties" and "dogs" ain't exactly PC...but then again, neither are my stories. If the shoe fits, wear it.
I have a pretty good idea of our slave's ultimate Master; the idea is drafted in my warped little brain, and now all I have to do is fill in all the degenerate details.
It may be a while before the next installment is uploaded. I'm a bit disappointed with it so far, so am basically starting from scratch every couple of days. Maybe next mid-week, but certainly not this weekend. I will assure you, though, that we'll see more of the nastiness and abuse to go along with a bit of faux love and caring.
Oh, and about the social commentary? That's all just fluff to help the story line. I'd be quite happy with nothing but humiliation, abuse and fucking...but then the stories would be just so many others.
- Replied by:
pejanon
(Edit) (Aug 11, 2005)
- On the other hand I could imagine few nasty tricks to play upon Hilary lol
And yes my favorite sunglasses are at stake! So ...
Kidding. Take your time and be most un-pc who cares.
Oh ... shouldn't you demand a specal code - filth/dirt/muck?
- Replied by:
Rocky
(Edit) (Aug 11, 2005)
- Well, I did try to update the codes, but it looks like they didn't take. This story is going so many places I didn't envision that it's hard to figure out what codes to use! Oh...I did manage to sit down this afternoon and do a little work on the next installment...I just need to lengthen it a bit and find a good stopping place. Of course, I'm also working on another story at the same time...I hope to have one or the other uploaded sometime early next week.
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| Reviewer:
RhondaLee
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 10, 2005 |
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Some scenes are too rough for my taste. (9/10)
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- Replied by:
Rocky
(Edit) (Aug 11, 2005)
- Given your comment, I appreciate the high score.
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| Reviewer:
Guiller
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 4, 2005 |
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Hi
Im having so much fun with your stories, i expect anxiously your updates, happens with this and happened with the other, please keep going
And for the owner... I prefer a non-relative, as it will add to the ¿What will he/she do to me? you may extend the trainig as long as you want anywhow :) (9/10)
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- Replied by:
Rocky
(Edit) (Aug 4, 2005)
- Thanks for your comments. As I said in another response, I think I've found her ultimate owner; that, however, will remain a surprise (I hope) until the end. I doubt I'll be able to get the next chapter uploaded in time for this weekend's update, but hopefully, you'll see something new at mid-week.
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| Reviewer:
Engineer
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 4, 2005 |
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Very creative and well-written. I just would have appreciated somewhat less verbal abuse of the girls. It is not only unjust, it pulls the high-class story down to the level of SM scribbling of the most banal sort. (8/10)
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- Replied by:
Guiller
(Edit) (Aug 4, 2005)
- IMHO in the fist chapter is expressed that the abuse is used to "break" the girls into more bubmisive slaves, so the use of it i think is appropiate, rocky has demostrated that he can use it or not, according to the story needs
- Replied by:
Engineer
(Edit) (Aug 4, 2005)
- You are right. Never the less IMHO it pulls the story to a lower level by implementing these oh-so-sterotype insults.
- Replied by:
Rocky
(Edit) (Aug 4, 2005)
- Guiller was perfectly correct. My intent was to show the same sort of "shock treatment" that was common to the U.S. military not so long ago, in order to completely break the new slave. As the story progresses (at least as I've drafted it in my mind), there will be a period of near normality, and then at least one more abusive change not dissimilar from the sort of verbal and physical abuse seen in the first chapters.
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| Reviewer:
tinybean
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 4, 2005 |
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Well written story that is just now peeking after four chapters.So many delicious possibilities still exist for "toe" ih the training period, and then there is still final ownership after?...i personally love to read stories where there is good dialouge and the slaves must not refer to themselves as a person any longer...KEEP GOING PLEASE !! (9/10)
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- Replied by:
Rocky
(Edit) (Aug 4, 2005)
- I expect our toe's life to go through many changes throughout the story. As the story progresses, at times she will be referred to as a person, and at other times as an object. As the story changes, so will her status.
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| Reviewer:
sylvia_ber
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 3, 2005 |
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The story is amazing. Iwas thinking once or twice about an almost similar setting, but never wrote it (well, not only because i am lazy, more because my english is not good enough). The only diffrence would be that much more beastiality would be included. But well, thats my special taste i fear, but i hope the ammount of dogs will increase ;)
Thank you very much for this wonderfull story! It is the best i was reading for a while! (10/10)
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- Replied by:
sylvia_ber
(Edit) (Aug 3, 2005)
- I forgot something ... about the final owner:
ofcourse i hope he will have dogs. But who can it be? It have to be someone special. You made it clear in the 1st chapter. so it have to be someone she knows. The whole thing was arranged. I would say her dad, but some here dont like incest much. So who could it be? Perhaps a teacher?
- Replied by:
Rocky
(Edit) (Aug 4, 2005)
- Thanks for your comments. I have a plan for a chapter involving more bestiality, but at this point, am not sure where it will fit. I don't want this to be one of those 50-chapter stories; there's only so much one can do to someone before it becomes either repetitive, boring or unrealistic. I also think I've figured out who the final owner will be, but that's a few chapters away.
- Replied by:
Rocky
(Edit) (Aug 4, 2005)
- I also wanted to mention that once her owner is unveiled, the story will probably end. So, whether he (or she) has dogs or not, anything that happens after that point will be up to the reader's imagination.
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 30, 2005 |
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not genenraly my type of story but i did enjoy this one (9/10)
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- Replied by:
Rocky
(Edit) (Aug 1, 2005)
- Considering your comments, I particularly appreciate the score. Thank you.
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| Reviewer:
heycarrieanne
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 29, 2005 |
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It is a bit more extreme than I like, but I have to say it is extremely well written. When is the next chapter being posted? (9/10)
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- Replied by:
Rocky
(Edit) (Jul 29, 2005)
- The second chapter should be up with the next site update. I think you'll find some segments less extreme and others more, but there should be something there for just about everyone. As this is the first in-progress story I've posted anywhere, suggestions and comments are appreciated and will be considered in future chapters. I'm still trying to figure out who our main character's ultimate owner will be...a spurned boyfriend, perhaps? Maybe the girl who took so much pleasure in taunting her after the trial? A relative...brother, uncle, or one of her parents, perhaps?
- Replied by:
heycarrieanne
(Edit) (Jul 30, 2005)
- No incest ... please!!!! Maybe just some stranger who saw her on the street and wanted her.
- Replied by:
sylvia_ber
(Edit) (Aug 3, 2005)
- Stranger on the street is booring. The story makes much a secret about her final destination, so it have to be something special or we will be disapointed.
- Replied by:
Rocky
(Edit) (Aug 4, 2005)
- Well, who knows? Other than me, that is. I'm down to a few scenarios now, but think I have it figured out.
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| Reviewer:
MrEd
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 27, 2005 |
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Great debasement. You can feel the humiliation. A good story to dive into and feel the events. It deserves a very high rating. (9/10)
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- Replied by:
Rocky
(Edit) (Jul 28, 2005)
- Thanks. I believe the best stories are those in which the mental picture the author paints places the reader smack dab in the middle of the scene. If you felt her humiliation, then I apparently accomplished my goal.
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| Reviewer:
lahrling
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 27, 2005 |
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The author's best work yet. A considerable improvement over the last effort in structure & clarity. Well told tale, clear distinct prose.
The characterization is a little sparse, but only a little and doesn't get in the way of the story.
I was especially fond of the satirical element, as I fear this country may be headed that way.
This story contains snuff, and it should be coded. (9/10)
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- Replied by:
Rocky
(Edit) (Jul 28, 2005)
- Interesting comments. I actually did write a prologue, explaining how the country ended up where it is in the story; perhaps I'll clean it up a bit and post it. The reason I didn't code the snuff is because there is, at least so far, only the one scene; as with my other postings, there will undoubtedly be a little bit of everything in this one as well. As I mentioned to another reviewer, I haven't finished this story yet, so suggestions are always appreciated. I'm looking at roughly eight chapters or so.
- Replied by:
lahrling
(Edit) (Aug 10, 2005)
- In Part 5, you use "a combination of shit and the clear, greasy substance." This can better be expressed by one word: santorum. Google the word, and you'll see what I mean.
- Replied by:
Rocky
(Edit) (Aug 26, 2005)
- Santorum...hmmm...well, I try not to use words I have to look up...and wouldn't want to force that on my readers, either.
- Replied by:
lahrling
(Edit) (Aug 26, 2005)
- And here you write about non-consensual sex :). I understand your position and generally respect it and in fact usually agree. But, santorum is a special case. It's a new word, struggling for acceptance, straining to make it into the dictionaries. As servants of the language as well as persons with kinky interests it is our duty to propogate this queerly appropriate term. Google the word and you'll see what I mean. :)
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| Reviewer:
mstrger
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 27, 2005 |
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Always look forward ro stories by Rocky. Another excellent story. Hope there are more chapters shortly. (9/10)
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- Replied by:
Rocky
(Edit) (Jul 28, 2005)
- Thanks for the comments. This is actually the first story I've posted which I hadn't already finished. I do have several additional chapters drafted, but keep swapping their order...and since each builds on the previous, I have to keep going back and revising. Of note, I still haven't figured out who the new slave's ultimate owner is...suggestions, anyone?
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