|
|
|
|
|
Creative Submissions
Author: Sarah
|
| |
(Added on Apr 9, 2005)
(This month 11804 readers) (Total 20921 readers) |
| |
This is a story I wrote when I was younger so the grammer may not be the best but I am thinking of going back to it. A Man visits Lane within her dreams, the storyline is much more complicated than that. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 5 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| 1 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
5 |
6 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
10 |
| 0% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
80% |
20% |
0% |
0% |
|
Weighed
Average (?):  (7/10) |
Average
Rating:  (7.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (8/10) |
| Lowest
Rating: (7/10) |
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
Powerone
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 17, 2005 |
| |
Erotica is good fiction with a sexual theme in it. Good fiction requires characters, settings, all the normal things that make a good story. You have to define your characters. Except for green eyes, I have no idea who Lane is or what she looks like.
You have a good premise to your story, you just need to make it good fiction. And correct the spelling and grammar (the Capital letters in the middle of sentences are annoying).
It is up to you, but I tend to start off a story with some action as to what is going to happen. Fiction is like marketing, you have about 30 seconds to catch the readers attention before he/she will move on. (7/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 11, 2005 |
| |
was worth the timeto read were to next (7/10)
|
| |
- Replied by:
Locked Advantages
(Edit) (Apr 11, 2005)
- Thank you, I am glad you took the time to read it:)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
Mad Lews
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 11, 2005 |
| |
It's a good idea for a story. If it's something you wrote a while ago you might want to re-read it. Approach it more as a story you're telling and less as something you need to write. I'm sure if you read it aloud most of the grammar errors will pop out at you and be easily corrected. The concept is great so please do continue. (7/10)
|
| |
- Replied by:
Locked Advantages
(Edit) (Apr 11, 2005)
- Thank you for the kind words and advice:) I will definately make sure to reread it before I continue to see where it may go.
Sarah
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
La Toya
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 11, 2005 |
| |
The story is well worth reading. I would like to see were this leads before rating it higher. (7/10)
|
| |
- Replied by:
Locked Advantages
(Edit) (Apr 11, 2005)
- Thank you for taking the time to read it, I will try to see if its something I can continue:)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
crickette
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 10, 2005 |
| |
I loved reading your story. I especially love the plot. The grammar could use a few touch-ups here and there but trust me I have seen worse ! I thougt your idea was very original. It has a nice, steady pace but be careful not to loose the boyfriend in the mix. He has a part to play too. Wimp ? Not a wimp ?
This storyline has great possibilities....I will be waiting.... (8/10)
|
| |
- Replied by:
Locked Advantages
(Edit) (Apr 10, 2005)
- Thank you for such kind words, I will keep the advice in mind with continuing:) You think I should keep the boyfriend as he is from what you see within the writings?;)
Sarah
|
|
|
About 