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Captive
Author: Hard Tongue
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(Added on Mar 25, 2004)
(This month 12699 readers) (Total 34016 readers) |
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Sarah is kidnapped and her life flashes before her eyes. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 8 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (7/10) |
Average
Rating:  (7.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (8/10) |
| Lowest
Rating: (7/10) |
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| Reviewer:
HuManiMal
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 18, 2012 |
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What others have said. Needs polish to give it couple more stars. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 11, 2005 |
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i was an enjoble read but i did not find anything to really wow me (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
MrMan
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 29, 2004 |
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This one is a bit unusual for me as I don't generally like stories in the second person. But I give it a personal rating of PDG (pretty damn good!) I also agree with Gary that it could use a little fine tuning but hey, WTF! (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
e.e. norcod
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 26, 2004 |
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You got sevens from some very senior reviewers. That is pretty good for a first time poster. I would take their advice seriously. The glaring typographical errors (and yes we all do it) detract from the pleasure. Letting a story sit for a week or so and then proofing it over helps. Gary makes a very good point - describe it, don't tell it - that we all can benefit from. However your ability to take a standard tale of abduction and snuff fantasies and give it a novel twist bodes well for your future as a writer on this site. Looking forward to more of your stories. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
chksng19
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 26, 2004 |
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Good story with a standard theme but some nice twists. Neat that the plot twist is in the last paragraph. Tension builds through plot twists right to that point. I don't usually like stories told in second person, as "I" am not the one experiencing this, but this was a good one.
(Could use just a touch of editing for cleanup) (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
fetish101
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 26, 2004 |
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very nice idea, turned me on. But I agree with Gary that is was a little rushed. Going through and adding some "flesh" to most of the scenes would make it better. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
Faibhar
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 25, 2004 |
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Despite some distracting syntax errors a delightful twist at the end makes "Captive" well worth reading. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
GaryWilcox
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 25, 2004 |
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The content of this story is excellent, just needs some polishing. Show, don't tell. Don't be in such a rush when you finish a story like this to call it done. Go back and re-examine each moment, decide how much more you could tell about the characters by describing the scene in fuller detail. Also, consider perspective and the way it will effect you as a storyteller.
Kept me interested the whole time. (7/10)
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