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Texas Teenage Slut
Author: billy_bob
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(Added on Dec 30, 2003)
(This month 21269 readers) (Total 63983 readers) |
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A teen age girl leaves the city and becomes a slave to her aunts teenage sons and husband. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 10 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (6.5/10) |
| Average
Rating: (6.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (9/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (3/10) |
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| Reviewer:
cymbidia
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 4, 2006 |
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I would have rated this story higher but for structure problems, as noted by others. Developed and refined, this shows promise of being a wonderful and exciting story. (6/10)
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 19, 2004 |
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good story but as the others have indicated it does need some work (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
Rocky
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 23, 2004 |
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This story has some possibilties, if the author would work on parapgraph formatting (the entire Part 1 is basically a couple of 500-word paragraphs), and run a spell check before uploading.
The premise itself is okay, but the plot line really needs some work. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
Nuditarian
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 7, 2004 |
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Hope you comtinue this story. (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
woolfighter
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 4, 2004 |
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I judge a story by what it tells, and I liked what you are telling. Go on and let her Aunt also become the family fuck-toy. (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
boccaccio2000g
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 3, 2004 |
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Second story today with no paragraphing. But one has to admire the inspired prose:
“I need you to fuck me hard”, fuck me fuck me, fuck me, fuck me fuck me, fuck me, fuck me fuck me, fuck me, fuck me fuck me, fuck me, fuck me fuck me, fuck me, fuck me fuck me, fuck me, fffffffffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuck meeeeeee!!!!! Jennifer was right where Jim wanted her, she was his to with as he pleased and both of them knew it. She writhed and moaned as Jim kept his slow steady fuck going in and out of her boiling pussy. AAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGG, fuck me fuck me, fuck me, fuck me fuck me, fuck me, fuck me fuck me, fuck me, oh god I need you to fuck me hard. /// Sorry, but the 29th "fuck me" broke the camel's back (3/10)
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| Reviewer:
rcb
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 2, 2004 |
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I agree with the other reviewers as to sentence structure and paragraph length. All in all -- not bad though. (6/10)
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| Reviewer:
e.e. norcod
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 31, 2003 |
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DAMN! But this writer doesn't seem to know rural Texas for shit! Don't know spoiled suburban rich kid Houston for shit either. DAMN but this writer appears to be some Yankee passing himself off as a Texan.
Local color is one of the hardest things for a writer to master. Unless you know the locale to a degree where you can authentically use it, avoid using local color. It sounds like the author is trying to place the story in West Texas. If so pick a place that you know intimately and try and take us there. Read Anne Rice and imagine New Orleans. You may change the names and places to protect the innocent (or not so innocent) BUT DESCRIBE IT! Lubbock is a definite place as is Odessa, as is Midland. Tell me what the place looks like, feels like, tastes like, smells like.
You have made a good start. Now go back and give it another try. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
bdsmbill
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 30, 2003 |
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It wasn't too bad. The super long paragraphs are distracting. Otherwise pretty good. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
annasherwood
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 30, 2003 |
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maybe this rates a higher rank than 6, but it is so difficult to follow because of the structure that i found it impacted on the content...the story itself is good, and one of my personal favourite subjects, but i feel it shouldn't be presented in block paragraph format...overall, good subject, good action, but poor presentation. (6/10)
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