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Wife Poker
Author: KayC
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(Added on Dec 11, 2003)
(This month 18122 readers) (Total 42701 readers) |
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A husband loses his wife in a skillfull poker game, unhappy about moving she is, but soon learnes she can't leave the life she has been forced into. Sliding deeper into submission.. Story begins slow, getting much better and serious in later chapters.. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 7 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (6/10) |
Average
Rating:  (6.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (9/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (1/10) |
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| Reviewer:
gojack10
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 9, 2004 |
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A very good start to your story. (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
jbowler65
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 29, 2003 |
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We also see great potential in this story. Proof your writing or have someone help you out to fix some grammatical errors and possibly help you with the flow to the story. Personally, we don't think there's a problem to the pace of the story. We enjoy learning the background and more about the characters. Good luck with the future chapters. We look forward to reading more and updating our review. (6/10)
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| Reviewer:
kemosabe
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 15, 2003 |
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Looking forward to the next installment. Needs to speed up a bit, I think. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
e.e. norcod
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 12, 2003 |
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A mixed (and hopefully temporary) rating. I agree with Moggy that this is obviously the product of a writer new to the art. Stylistically,KayC has a ways to go. But the process of writing, and of reading other authors' work should improve the grammar and stilted constructions.
I disagree with Moggy over pace. There is nothing wrong with beginning slow. A story should be like sex. Lots of varied foreplay keeps Jack from being dull. Take the time to build your characters and put the setting in place. You are doing fairly well sketching the character of the protagonist, continue to work on it. I would have gone a bit more into the details of the poker game and would have spent even more time giving the details of the wife's emotions as she is forced to become progressively more aware of her situation. Similarly, details of the wife's appearance, grooming and dress are not out of place.
Nothing to me is more boring than the woman being stripped in the first paragraph followed by her rape in the second. Don't be afraid to build. The story is developing a nice dark coloration. Think about how to build this. The light in the room, what is on the walls and the floor. The detail of a stocking. All contribute.
Good Luck. With further chapters I will revise my review and rating. (6/10)
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 11, 2003 |
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Has great potential, hope it realy goes into blackmail and NC theme hard and heavy (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
Moggy
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 11, 2003 |
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This story has all the hallmarks of a new writer. Nothing wrong with that as such - everyone has to start some time. Some advice, for what it's worth: 1) Punctuation and sentence structures need immediate attention before continuing this tale. 2) There's no BDSM content, nor is it even hinted at. :-( (5/10)
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