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Enlightenment
Author: Call me Sam
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(Added on Dec 4, 2003)
(This month 9564 readers) (Total 25195 readers) |
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George tries to bring buddhist enlightenment to his next door neighbor's daughter by means of intense and constant pain. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 5 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (7/10) |
Average
Rating:  (7.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (8/10) |
| Lowest
Rating: (7/10) |
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| Reviewer:
lex ludite
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 8, 2003 |
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I agree with many of the comments made by the previous reviewers, so let me add some more fuel to the fire. George is a great character, well drawn and bizarre enough to be believable. How can you not love a Buddhist, gourmet, lawyer/sadist? As for the sexual aspects of their relationship, forget about it. The author doesn't even bother to describe this girl except to tell us she is Japanese, young and naked. This one certainly won't generate any heat, but it's sufficiently strange to warrant my attention. I look forward to the next installment of this quirky tale. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
e.e. norcod
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 5, 2003 |
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I agree with cleo and moggy. It is probably too early to review this promising story but I felt that a few words of encouragement to the author might help. Keep at it. I will revise my rating and review depending on how things progress. It will be fascinating to see where the author's preferences take the story. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
Moggy
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 4, 2003 |
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Just before I went to review this story I read Cleo's review and find I have little to add. Yes the writing is competent, save for a final proofread, but the big problem for me was the erotic content, or rather the lack of. It could have turned me on, but it didn't. The writer needs to tackle the eroticism with the same skill he generally shows as a writer. (7/10)
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- Replied by:
Magicite
(Edit) (Dec 5, 2003)
- Well, actually, I was intending not to have it be an erotic relationship. Sorry if that disappoints.
- Replied by:
Moggy
(Edit) (Dec 7, 2003)
- Disappoints? Hell yes! I don't know about other readers but I'm here to read erotica. A story can be erotic even without depicting sexual relations.
- Replied by:
Magicite
(Edit) (Dec 8, 2003)
- Ahh . . . I misunderstood. There will be much more BDSM like material coming. I thought I would at least try to provide a decent setup for it though. Hopefully I will get more up sometime soon, although I am busy with exam papers at the moment.
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| Reviewer:
Cleo671
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 4, 2003 |
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Liked the way it was written, good character opening and description. As to whether it's erotic? Personally no. There is no frisson between the girl and the dysfunctional 'slob' lawyer.He is not far removed from a stalker, lacks confidence or only has confidence when he has her completely restrained.
One thing that didn't gel:
(i) The fact that he knows all about the missing girl because he kidnapped her, yet within the same frame of time 'it slips his mind' that she's within his house as he nearly sets foot out the door.
Overall, although the writing flows..I just can't picture an 'erotic' moment in terms of the dynamic between the girl and guy..maybe it's the fact she's a schoolgirl, he's an adult and perhaps he ought to be picking on 'someone his own 'age?' or development' is the reason.
(7/10)
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- Replied by:
Magicite
(Edit) (Dec 5, 2003)
- I was kind of lost for a way to begin the story . . . it seems to show because personality traits don't all add up. I will try to address that in a future edit.
As for eroticism, I wasn't actually going for any sort of erotic moment. Hopefully with some more editing and some continuation of the piece, that will become more clear. Thanks for the input.
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| Reviewer:
Faibhar
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 4, 2003 |
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The writer's culinary background may, or may not, be responsible for adverbs like "clamming" a door shut, but in general this piece does go down nicely. The palatable work is recommended to any other interested reader. (8/10)
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- Replied by:
Magicite
(Edit) (Dec 5, 2003)
- I read the peice through a few times, and I definitely never noticed that error. Will be changing that as well. Thank you.
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