|
|
|
|
|
Adventures Into Depravity
Author: WishMaster
|
| |
(Added on Dec 24, 2002)
(This month 12687 readers) (Total 37958 readers) |
| |
A young couple's adventures into sexual fantasy becomes a trip into reality. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 7 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| 1 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
5 |
6 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
10 |
| 57% |
14% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
14% |
14% |
0% |
0% |
|
Weighed
Average (?):  (3.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (3/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (8/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (1/10) |
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
jip
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 22, 2006 |
| |
Little short but great (8/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 2, 2004 |
| |
it is to short, and i am not sure where it starts, the beginning is like you skipped something and went right into the stor,y very confusing,
if you add more, please check everything, this was like reading the middle chapter of a book, no idea what happened before not sure i want to know what happens at the end (2/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
snippy0707
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 13, 2003 |
| |
Dis-jointed and very hard to read. Gave me a headache.
(1/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
kaleun76
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 1, 2003 |
| |
I am rating this as a 7, however with the following caveats:
If this story does not continue, then it is no more than a 4 or 5, it is too short, and simplistic; BUT if it continues on the same line, and it delivers on its initial promise, then it may well be on its way to an 8 or even 9.
Hint Hint. (7/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
CoffinNail
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 29, 2002 |
| |
Extremely amusing when read aloud, especially before an audience. But a complete waste of space on this site--edit, for goodness' sake. Be careful, read what you're writing!
Just read Jonathan's recommended exercise, and I agree wholeheartedly.
--CN (1/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
Nitrofox
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 27, 2002 |
| |
Mymy, it seems Christmas does not bring out the best in writing. Again, " ... with writing skills bordering on illiteracy" is putting it mildly. Even though the words aren't that bad, the grammar sucks. I need not repeat what Jonathan has said. It is nearly impossible to extrapolate what the story is about. In fact, if you asked me, I couldn't tell you. It reminds me of a bad movie I saw last night. I just know it was bad. Don't ask me for the title, because I've forgotten. Ah well, let's hope others can write better. (1/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
Jonathan
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 27, 2002 |
| |
There are two problems here. The first, of course, is grammar. It's so bad that
the story is incomprehensible. When writing dialog, every time you change
speakers, it's a new paragraph. Every time. No exceptions. That helps readers
to keep track of who is speaking. "Your" and "You're" are not interchangeable.
"Over time" and "overtime" do not mean the same thing. A dependent clause
is not a sentence. If you're going to make up your own rules, no one will know
what you're trying to say.
The other problem is the story itself. I think it's about fucking dogs, but I'm not
certain. Even if the grammar was fixed, I don't think this would be a readable
story because the presentation and flow of ideas is so jumbled. You can't take
other people on a journey unless you yourself know where you're going and how
you're going to get there.
Try the following exercise: Each morning, write a paragraph describing what you
had for breakfast (that's a paragraph, not a laundry list). Give it to someone and
see if he or she is able to tell you what you had for breakfast. Do this every day
until everyone you give it to can tell you what you had for breakfast. Then move
on to trying to convey more complex ideas. (1/10)
|
|
|
About 