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Abduction, Rape & Possession
Author: RAB
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(Added on Aug 30, 2002)
(This month 11478 readers) (Total 28235 readers) |
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A young Submissive has refused to push her limits and her Dom takes matters into his own hands. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 6 |
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17% |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (4/10) |
| Average
Rating: (4/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (8/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (1/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Master T
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 18, 2011 |
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pitiful (1/10)
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 20, 2004 |
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good story, need to work on the grammar ect. you know (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
jbowler65
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 29, 2003 |
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I must agree with the other reviewers here. This was difficult to read due to the sheer number of grammatical errors. However, after working through those problems, it was a fairly enjoyable story. With some more work to clear up some things and an editor, I believe this could be pretty good. (4/10)
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| Reviewer:
Marcus
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 21, 2002 |
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I must say that Jonathan and Hyphen666 make some valid points. Let's be constructive...
The story could easily be improved by:
1) Attending to sentence and paragraph structure. Here's the rule of thumb: A sentence should express one idea, a paragraph should have one action or topic. Make it easy to read! In this style of fiction that means simple sentences and short paragraphs.
2) Writing TO the 2nd person. It simply doesn't work, and merely alienates the reader.
On the plus side: Spelling was generally OK, and that's important. Your content also had its moments! New writers to this site should be aware that its readers are spoilt for choice. There are over 1000 stories here, so reviewers are liable to be critical of stories that seem unoriginal. Try to think of new ideas and build stories around them. They will often be better received and enjoyed by this site's readers. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
Jonathan
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 2, 2002 |
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This is another of those rare occasions where I disagree with hyphen. I do
agree, of course, about the mechanics of the story. Utterly incompetent. The
author claims in his bio to be a writer. Ludicrous.
It's in the content of the story that I seriously disagree with Hyphen. The problem,
of course, is that what is erotic to one person won't be to another. This is one
of those stories where the dominant's idea of dominance seems to consist of shouting
a lot. He reeks of insecurity and incompetence, not the qualities I would think
a female submissive would want in a master.
The other probelm is that there isn't much going on here. A woman submits to
routine degradation at the hands of her master. There really isn't anything you
can do to a sub that hasn't already been written a thousand times. The only
place you have scope for originality is in the context in which it happens and the
skill with which you present it to the reader. The context here is nothing new
and the skill is worse than average even for internet porn.
One other odd little thing: the female character, when first contacted, refers to
the caller as "the voice I have never heard but cannot mistake". What's that
all about? Why hasn't she heard it before? It doesn't ever seem to be explained,
although admit I was skimming through most of the last half. (1/10)
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| Reviewer:
hyphen666
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 1, 2002 |
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I knew it was going to be one of those stories when the tense changed during the first two sentences. Grammatically it went downhill from there. Run-on paragraphs, lack of proof reading, similes that were completely ludicrous and a host of other major mistakes kept showing up with monotonous regularity. Yet through it all I had to admit that this twisted piece of tortured prose contained plenty of heat, something that I always seek. If the author is really interested in turning out stories that can fire up even the most jaded reader, I would suggest that he find a good editor to help him from shooting himself in the foot so often. Writers that can generate major heat are hard to find these days; this one has that power. (4/10)
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- Replied by:
RAB
(Edit) (Sep 2, 2002)
- Thanks for the criticism. Eroticism and mechanics are a tricky thing when you write this type of thing for enjoyment.
But I wonder why you would assume the author was male?
Rousseau said that a thick skin is a gift from god and my mentor insisted on it-said there was no good learning without taking the hits.
Thanks again.
Becca
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