|
|
|
|
|
Submissive slave
Author: Buck Jones
|
| |
(Added on Jan 5, 2015)
(This month 33160 readers) (Total 33160 readers) |
| |
Kara was lost. All the men she dated just seemed superficial and bland. She needed more or less, she didn’t know. Then she met Phil! This is a story about Kara\'s journey to happiness... |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 1 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| 1 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
5 |
6 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
10 |
| 0% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
100% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
|
Weighed
Average (?):  (5/10) |
| Average
Rating: (5/10) |
| Highest
Rating: (5/10) |
| Lowest
Rating: (5/10) |
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 7, 2015 |
| |
Story is rushed and badly structured. Seems like the author was a touch eager to get into the action, forgoing any depth of the characters, other than that they all seem oversexed and pre-programmed to submit to the first person who starts shouting "slave" at them.
Sentences suffer from lack of punctuation, bad grammar and overall decent syntax.
I'd take this back to the drawing board and put some emotion into the story, some background, to draw us three-dimensional characters which we, the readers, can care for.
As it stands, we have us a shagfest without any emotional attachment nor distinction between the female antagonists.
In other words, lots of room for improvement...
JJ (5/10)
|
| |
- Replied by:
buckjones
(Edit) (Jan 7, 2015)
- Thank you for your criticism.
|
|
|
About 