ANOTHER DAY
"Hey, Emma. Do you trust me ?"
I laugh ... fucking daft question when we're both gardening ... "Of course,
babe, you know I do."
"No, Emma. I meant ... do you trust me?"
... there it is again ... the change in tone ... I recognise it instantly now
... not like before ... oh god ... he is doing it again ... I look up ... I'm
not sure what it is ... but something enters my head ... oh fuck ... what's
going to happen ... what does he mean ... I hate it when he does this ... I
fucking love it when he does this ... already that feeling is there ... deep
inside me ... wherever the pit of my stomach is ... it has been working overtime
since he came ... almost every day ... something happens ... some test ... I
can't explain it ... it's like an ache ... or a slight cramp ... but it's
already beginning ... just a small bud right now ... but I know it will grow ...
grow so quickly ... it will blossom ... it will envelope my whole body ... and
it's so fucking scary when it happens ... yet it's so ... so ... so incredible
... so fucking exciting ... god ... I need that feeling ...
"um ... yes ... I trust you."
"Stand up Emma. Come here."
... oh god ... what's going to happen ... what will it be this time ... I manage
to stand ... but already my legs feel like jelly ... somehow I walk the three
paces to stand in front of him ... he looks so fucking big when I feel like this
... somehow I seem to shrink ... I'm like a small child ... I always seem to be
looking up ... but he is just standing there ... standing still ... looking at
me ... waiting for me ... knowing I will come to him ...
"Yes... ?"
... I try to put the question mark into the word ... I have no idea what it is
he wants ... my stomach seems to be in someone else's control ... and that
feeling is spreading ... upwards to my lungs ... downwards to my cunt ... it
will soon take over ... it always does ... spreading to my whole being ...
running my life ... preventing thought ... pulling me down ... taking my will
... making me his ...
"Emma ... look at me."
... it's all I ever want to do ... there is nothing else I can do ... he is just
standing there ... is he smiling ... sometimes that's worse ... when he is angry
... when he is vicious ... I know what to do ... I can handle the pain ... but
when he smiles ... when he is ... when his mind has been working ... that's when
I'm lost ... always something different ... always a new test ... always a new
thrill coursing through my body ... is he smiling ... I can't tell ... the sun
is at his back and in my face ... I'm not sure ... he makes me feel safe ... but
he makes me want to run away ... I feel rooted to the spot ... all he has said
is 'look at me' and I am trembling like a scared rabbit ... I'm petrified ...
but I love it ... I can't live without it ... how did I exist before ... my body
feels chilled ... where did the warmth of the sun go ... I nearly shiver ... I
look at him ... oh fuck ... what is going to happen ... he continually throws me
... I have no idea what's next ... it's like being on a roller coaster ... and
wearing a blindfold ... left ... no right ... up ... no faster ... I need help
... I need a guide ... but only he is there ... only he can help me ... and I
know he will ... if I trust him ... I only have to give him everything ...
everything ... then I'll be safe ... it's a small price ... everything ...
everything in exchange for him ... oh god ... I would pay a hundred times more
if I could ...
"Look into my eyes."
... where else ... they are so fucking brown ... and the iris goes so black ...
I can fall into his eyes ... I've done it so many times ... I am lost when that
happens ... I am his ... he takes me on journeys ... just with those eyes ... I
have traveled for miles ... I have been to so many places ... I have seen so
many things ... I have done so much ... so much ... I look up ... up into his
face ... searching his eyes ... looking for a clue ... what does he want ...
will I be able to meet his wishes ... carry out his demands ... obey his every
word ... it's getting harder each time ... the bar is always being raised ...
each time a little higher ... each time another millimetre ... one day I will
fail ... but not yet ... not yet ... I know I can do it ... whatever it is ... I
can do it ... I must do it ... I must ... if I fail ... if I fail he might go
... I mustn't fail ... I must never fail ... he said that he would go ... he
said if I were to fail him ... he would leave ... for ever ... and he has never
lied to me ... always told me the truth ... but it's so scary ... my life on the
edge ... every day a new fear ... every day fantastic ... every day I dread what
will come ... every day I need what he does ...
"Emma ... Do you trust me"
... the same question ... what does he want ... I need a clue ... somewhere in
his eyes ... something to help ... some small piece of information ... I want to
answer ... I must answer ... but it must be the right answer ... I know it will
lead to something ... I know it ... my lungs are being affected ... I can't
breathe properly ... I seem to be gasping ... but nothing has happened ... it's
only a question ... I must get it right ... his eyes are boring through me ...
they are deep in my brain ... I can feel his power ... nothing has happened ...
one question ... and I am lost ... like a 9 year old ... I want to be held ...
to be told it's OK ... but that's not for now ... I must try to be strong ...
but my cunt is getting wet ... my nipples are starting to swell ... nothing's
happened and already I am beginning to burn ...
"Yes, Sir. I trust you."
... who said that ... it wasn't me ... it was my voice ... but ... I was trying
to get the words out ... but they wouldn't come ... my lungs aren't working ...
my head is whirling ... I can't think ... but it's true ... I trust him ... I
trust him for everything ... I'm losing my will ... losing it to him ... my body
is going along its own path ... my chest is starting to heave ... I am panting
... my nipples are getting so hard ... how can he do this ... he hasn't even
touched me ... but I am on fire ... I know something is coming ... but what is
it ... will I meet the test ... can I keep him for another day ... if only I
could think ... my body won't let me ... my body is taking over ... taking over
my brain ... meeting his eyes ... joining with his eyes ... in the centre of my
mind ... betraying me to him ... giving all my secrets ... baring my soul ...
showing him everything ...
"Take off your gloves."
... it's OK ... I can do that ... that bit is simple ... just take them off ...
he wants my hands ... that's it ... he wants my hands for something ... my
fingers ... my beautiful fingers ... just take off the gloves ... it's so simple
... why can't I do it ... why is it such an effort ... they're only gardening
gloves ... not even tight ... it's fucking simple ... you do it everyday ... but
his eyes won't let go ... one off ... come on ... do it ... just take off the
other one ... my breasts seem to be heating up ... my nipples are like fucking
pebbles ... get it off ... come on ... come on ...
"Emma .... Put your little finger on the blade"
... what the fuck does he mean ... what blade ... help me ... help me ... I
don't know what to do ... it's simple ... it must be ... he doesn't set
impossible tasks ... not even hard tasks ... just things that fill me with
terror ... things that make me his ... things that take root in my mind ...
things that I need ... things that I love ... the blade ... what fucking blade
... oh god ... I can't fail ... I must do it ... but what fucking blade ... shit
... help ... please ... shit, yes ... the secateurs ... the garden clippers in
his hand ... he was using them ... he is still holding them ... that must be it
... please let that be the blade ... I can do it ... I can ... he wants me to
... so I can ... I can do anything if he wants it ... my hand is moving ... why
... how does it move ... without me ... it's going towards the cutters ... it's
laying my finger on the bottom blade ... oh god ... my cunt is so wet ...
"Emma ... Do you trust me ... Do you trust me with your life ... with your soul
... with your body ...?"
... jesus yes ... yes ... yes ... anything ... it's yours ... it's always yours
... take it ... please take it ... I'll do anything ... anything ... oh god ...
the cutters ... he's closing them ... I can feel the top blade ... the top blade
... it'll cut off my finger ... oh god ... oh no ... he wouldn't ... he wouldn't
... I had my nails done yesterday ... my hands are beautiful ... he wouldn't
ruin them ... I'd be a cripple ... nine fingers ... no-one would look at me
again ... my hands ... my fingers ... they would be ... would be ... they would
be his ... oh god ... oh sweet jesus ... he would ... he fucking would ... oh
god ... help me ... the pressure ... I can feel it ... on my finger ... the two
blades ... they're closing ... oh god ... help me ... what am I doing ... move
your hand ... you fucking idiot ... take your finger away ... he'll cut it off
... he's going to ruin me ... he ... he is my master ... I mustn't refuse ... oh
please ... please master ... not that ... please ... please ...
"Emma ... answer me .... NOW ..."
... help ...please help me ... that voice ... that order ... it was an order ...
a direct order ... he never shouts ... almost never raises his voice ... a
direct order ... in the low voice ... the voice that I hate ... the voice that I
love ... his voice ... I can't disobey ... I mustn't disobey ... I can't let him
go ... I must answer .... now ... I'm gasping for breath .... I'm so fucking wet
... my nipples want to burst ... my breasts are heaving ... my stomach is a pit
... answer ... must answer ... a direct order ... I can't say no ... the blade
is squeezing ... my finger ... my finger ... I can't lose my finger ... not my
finger ... oh god, not my finger ...
"Yes ... yes, Sir, I trust you ... with my life, my soul and my body."
.... fuck .... I did it ... I did it ... I'm going to pass ... I can do it ... I
am his ... he will be here tomorrow ... he will keep me ... for another day ...
for at least one more day ... the pressure ... my finger ... oh god ... please
... noooooo ... it's going ... he's squeezing the blades ... they'll cut it ...
they'll slice through me ... oh god ... I love my hands ... I love my fingers
... I love my nails ... but ... but ... I need him ... I can't be without him
... if he wants it ... if he wants my finger ... oh god ... oh god ... please
... please ... no ... please no ... oh god ... I am so wet ... something is
dribbling down my thigh ... I'm fucking dribbling cunt juice ... how can he do
this ... how ... he is just standing there ... he's only said a few words ... he
hasn't even touched me ... I'm going to cum .... I am going to fucking cum ...
just standing here ... not till he says ... never till he says ... must pass the
test ... must pass ... fuck ... fuck ... I ... please ... please ... please,
master ... please ...
"Good girl. I just wanted to be sure."
... I DID IT ... I FUCKING DID IT ... OH HOLY SHIT ... I FUCKING DID IT ... I
passed ... I passed ... he'll stay ... oh fuck ... oh fuck ... oh fuck ...
please ... please ... let me cum ... please master ... please ... I can't ask
... you know that ... help me ... you see how I am ... you know what I need
...you always know ... you always see ... I am yours ... always ... always ...
his hand ... it's touching my face .. his beautiful, beautiful hand .... his
fingers are touching my ear ... oh god ... please ... his thumb on my cheek ...
please ... please master ... I passed ... I passed ... let me ... please let me
... please ...
"Cum. Cum you lovely little slut."
..... YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS ....
oooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ... shit ... oh fucking shit... ohh ...
christ .... oh fucking fucking christ ... I ... I ... I ... oh fuck ... oh fuck
... oh god, I love him ... oh god ... oh god ... he touched my cheek ... I
fucking came ... oh christ almighty ... I need him ... I so need him ... I need
him forever ... but I'll take one day ... even if it's all there is ... just one
more day ...
.... my finger ... oh fuck ... my finger ... I can't look ... he took it ... oh
shit ... please be there ... please be there ... I want to be beautiful for him
... I must be beautiful for him ... oh please ... look at it ... go on ... you
must ... look at it ... go on ... oh fuck ... oh fucking jesus christ ... it's
still there ... it's not even cut ... just a small indentation ... no blood ...
nothing ... oh shit ... you bastard ... oh god ... you beautiful beautiful
beautiful fucking bastard ...
