Psychopath Death
Prologue: A story of a savage sadistic and masochistic assisted suicide/murder.
Every nuance and minute detail is laid out in a carefully written contract for
two deviant men to brutally murder and dismember an equally deviant volunteer
bent on a horrific and painful death. Unable to carry out a suitably
spectacular suicide himself, John turns to the dark corners of the gay bdsm
world for help. The entire episode will be filmed in the best tradition of
snuff.
How does one find a psychopath killer these days? Well, that has been my
quest for the past few months. You see, I want to commit suicide. I believe
that once you have made the decision that death is preferable to life, than it's
just a matter of where, when and how. The when is determined by how and where
you want to die. For me, the where is a place away from others, except for my
helpers. We certainly don't want to be disturbed. Some people choose public
suicide, but that is too chancy. Someone might stop you. It's the method that
drives me forward. I think about it endlessly and have gone over dozens of
scenarios.
I know most people simply swallow some pills and go to sleep. That is
boring. Others might stick a gun to their head and pull the trigger or hang
themselves. Also, too damn boring and quick. I believe suicide should be a
wholly incredible, erotic and spectacular event to be joyously revered and give
the world something to talk about. It should serve a purpose. It's all a
matter of taste. I just don't want to fall asleep and have it end. There is
nothing to experience with quick death. I want to feel my body die. Now I
don't suggest pain for pain's sake. I talked to one man on the net who wanted
to be burned at the stake. I don't relish that agony. I want to be awake and
conscious throughout the event to feel, see and excuse me for saying, enjoy my
death. Of all the methods I've studied, stabbing seems to be the most
interesting method. I don't mean a quick jab of the heart, but a progressive
ramp up of severity and lethality with larger and larger knives and
multiple/dozens of stab wounds, until I'm dead or ready for a final planned
death blow. This appears to be far less painful than a gunshot to the gut where
your insides are shredded and you black out.
The most incredible feeling comes over you when you have accepted death.
You are free to plan everything and you can finally relax. I don't want a lot
of pain, nor do I want to blow away with a breeze or whisper. I would not,
under normal circumstances, want to have a knife plunged into my body for fear
of internal damage and long term pain and suffering. But, after you accept your
own imminent death, the fear goes away. So what if I'm stabbed in the lungs or
abdomen when I know I'll be dead in a few hours anyway. I can look forward to
the experience and enjoy the feelings and visuals of watching someone stab me
repeatedly until I'm ready for a well-choreographed heart wound.
It is for this reason, that I have been searching for a man or woman to take
my life in a bazaar and wonderfully horrific manner. The kind of death I desire
can't be self-inflicted. I might be able to stab myself a few times, but my
tolerance would quickly fade and my death is only half of my desire anyway.
What I have planned for my body after my death will require some work and a
strong stomach.
After talking to many like-minded souls on the net, I have come to the
conclusion that finding the right woman is out. I need someone, maybe even two
people with strength and a high threshold for violence with a sadistic nature.
I began to search the gay-bdsm personal ads for some of the more fringe
clubs and kink freaks. There are some really sick fucks in this world and I
wanted to find one who would do what I wanted before, during and after my death.
After posing as a gay man and meeting some absolutely wild people, I came upon a
news group that existed only on one free server from California. It was for
suicidal gay men and showed stills from some gay snuff films. This was right up
my ally.
I don't know why gay men are into the more dangerous erotic horror images
and high-risk practices, but I'm glad that such people exist. I needed someone
who could be trained in and be depended upon to carry out my requests. I flew
out to San Francisco and met up with some contacts that would in turn point me
in the right direction for what I craved and needed so badly. At around 11 PM I
was met by a man called only J. He took me in a cab to a remote area of the
city where few people went at night. We walked down an alley and knocked on a
door. After handing someone $50, we went inside and I was amazed at the scene.
There were men in every deviant sexual position possible and the smell of sex
was thick. As we walked into the room, I noticed someone tied naked to a table
in the center of the room. He was very pale and motionless. There were two
knives stuck in his abdomen and some blood was leaking out around them.
He suddenly opened his eyes and smiled at me. This party was for him. He
had decided to exit this life and wanted a slow painful and glorious party where
his friends would fulfill his ultimate desire. As each person climaxed, they
would take a two-inch knife and plunge it into his torso. There was a small
patch over his heart. The only rule was to avoid the heart and nothing above
the chest. He didn't want to take the chance on having a major artery cut. His
cock was hard and as I heard someone else cum, he smiled even more. He knew
another knife was on its way.
A naked man came over and with his cock still dripping, took a knife from
the bucket on the floor and plunged it into our hero just above the navel. Sub,
as he liked to be called, just winced and grinned as the knife pierced his body.
He was in joyous pain. I counted nearly 25 men in the room. That meant 25
knives. I noticed one very large thick bladed knife on the table and asked what
it was for. The facilitator said that if Sub wasn't dead within an hour of
taking the final knife, that he wanted to be decapitated to end it. He wanted
pain, but not needless suffering. I asked who was to do that final deed. It
was the next person in the order of death. This protected everyone from legal
trouble.
I loved this group and knew I had found my New World. If I couldn't find
someone here, I couldn't find him or her anywhere. The gay-bdsm scene is bold
and erotic and easily surpasses any group I've ever known. I met some great
guys and had some nice private conversations about my own wishes for a glorious
death. They all had some wild ideas, some I hadn't even thought of as yet. I
was on my way and able to go ahead with some real planning for my exit. All I
needed was to find one or two people I could trust to help me die.
My death was to be in three stages: A slow gradual ramp up of pain, with
decreasing quantity, but increasing lethality of attacks on my body in the hours
leading up to the last beat of my heart. I wanted a final death movement,
should I survive the ramp up phase and finally, the desecration of my body in
the most horrible manner imaginable. The two guys that impressed me the most
with their honesty and deviant manner were Buck and Dog. Buck had killed
before, but his manner was calm. He was intrigued by my ideas and seemed
aroused at the thought of helping me. I gave them the draft of my plans and it
made them so hot that Buck openly fondled himself as he read the words. They
were hot for my death and itching to learn more. I asked them about the
legalities of what I was asking them to do and they didn't care. I had
forgotten that they were scheduled to die themselves in a few months as part of
the club. Anyway, I had decided to give them a legal out which I'll describe
later.
I flew back to Seattle and we emailed each other for the next few weeks and
talked on the phone. It was now late July and I wanted to die by the end of
August. We made plans for the day, a Saturday evening, August _____. I spent
the next few weeks writing out the minute details of my death and collecting the
implements that would be used to kill me. I called it the "Death Kit". When
Buck heard the name, he just laughed out loud on the phone. He couldn't wait to
see it. Just writing the draft of my death contract was like painting a fine
picture or sculpting a beautiful statue. I think it was the greatest piece of
writing I've ever done.
My best friend Bob used to be a lawyer until he got disbarred and he helped me
write up a contract for me to sign and Buck and Dog to read and learn.
It read as follow:
The Death Contract
In order for payment to be made in full, both of you agree to carry out my
instructions to the letter. My death should be broken down into six steps at
the most unless I become unconscious and cannot be revived by all reasonable
means. At which point you both will move on to Step 5.
Inventory the death kit and complete all preliminary procedures before
proceeding to step 1: At about 7:30 PM on Saturday, August _____, strap my nude
body tightly to the bed with cuffs for my ankles, wrists and two straps for my
torso and place two pillows under my head. SPECIAL NOTE: Once I am tied up, or
at any other time during the remainder of my life, if I attempt to change my
mind or beg you to stop, ignore all of my pleas no matter what I say or do. You
will not be paid unless the contract is fulfilled.
The death kit will contain a large and small plate, 1 very sharp butcher knife,
2 each masks, 2 each painters coveralls with shoes, 1 pair of pruning shears, 2
each 1.5 in. knives, 2 each 4 in. ice picks, 2 each 6 in. Bowie knives, 1 each 2
ft double edge sword, 1 pack of smelling salts, and 2 very sharp meat cleavers.
The video camera mounted in the upper north corner of the room must be tested
with a new blank tape before proceeding to step 1. Place the large and small
plates from the death kit on the bedside table with the butcher knife. After all
preliminary steps have been completed, just before 8:00 PM, put on the masks and
coveralls and turn on the camera. Place a large glass of water on the table. I
will need it from time to time as I begin to lose blood.
If all is in order, ask me if I am ready. When I give you the go ahead, proceed
with step 1.
Step 1: Each of you take one of the 1.5-in. knives. I will have drawn a circle
around the area of my heart. This area is off limits. The other areas are my
genitals, my neck and anything above it. All other areas of my body are free
game. Each of you will stab me 25 times in any game area. Wound my body in a
random method. Don't just focus on any one area. I want every square inch of my
game area to be bleeding. Do not slice or make glancing cuts, just a simple
thrust into my body. You will have an hour. If I should lose consciousness,
use the smelling salts. Step one should not cause death. If I do expire during
step one, and please make sure I am dead, then skip to step 5. After I have
received 50 stab wounds, proceed to step 2.
Step 2: Each of you grab one of the 4-in. ice picks. The same rules apply for
off limits areas and game areas. Stab my body 15 times each just as you did in
step one. There is a small chance that step 2 may cause death before I
anticipated. I may lose consciousness. I will probably be bleeding both
internally and externally at a good clip by the end of step 2. Use the smelling
salts if needed. Again, only if my heart has stopped, proceed to step 5. Use
quick thrusts as you stab my body, but take it slow in using up your 15 attacks.
Again, use the entire game area. You will have one hour.
Step 3. Each of you take hold of one of the 6 in. Bowie knives. Examine their
sharp edges and sure grip handles. I bought these especially for what you are
about to do. All game and off limits rules apply as do the rules on death and
loss of consciousness. You will each be allowed one savage and powerful thrust
into my body. This is the part I want to enjoy and watch your faces as you make
preparations and get the mindset to stab me. Chose your targets carefully. Be
firm and steady as you stab me with animal desire for pain and blood. You will
need it for Step 6.
One at a time, hold the knife with both hands and slam it into my right
chest or abdomen. Feel the ribs shatter. Thrust deeply to the handle. Leave it
in place until step 5 is complete. Watch my face as you stab me. I will
probably come off the bed from the pain and the massive assault to my body. I
will try to keep from screaming out to loudly. I may need some time to prepare
for the 2nd knife. As you stab me the 2nd time, I will be close to death and in
joyous pain. Make these knives count. You will have 30 minutes. If I die from
these wounds, you know the rules by now. If I am still alive, give me a full
dose of smelling salts to ready me for the next step.
Step 4. This step begins the death phase. All of your work has led up to this
one final event while I am still alive. After step 4, I will be dead. After
completing step 5, I will simply be a corpse for your animal savage fury. I
want Buck to grab the 2-ft sword and show it to me. Let me gaze upon its length
and beauty. I have drawn a small circle in a spot between my ribs over my
heart. Wipe away any blood so that you can find it. Place the point of the
sword there and pierce the skin gently so that it won't slip when you carry out
your duty. Don't worry, I won't feel any more pain. Give me one more dose of
smelling salts. I want to be totally lucid and awake for this final attack on
my body. After a total of 82 various stab wounds, I will be ready to die. It
would only be a matter of time before I bled to death anyway. Take a strong
hold on the sword with both hands and ask for my final words if I can speak at
all by then. Make sure the camera can view this scene. Prepare your weight
over the sword and with one powerful thrust, ram it into and through my chest
and out my back if you have the strength. I pray that you do.
If my planning was right, you will have pierced my heart, mortally wounding me.
If I don't die instantly, It won't take long for my heart to stop. Once I am
dead, pull out the sword and pick up the butcher knife. It is time for step 5.
Step 5. Take the butcher knife and cut around my neck until only the bone is
holding my head to my torso. Pick up a meat cleaver and carefully hack through
my neck vertebrae until my head falls free. Then pick up my head and place it
on the larger plate. Using the butcher knife again, carefully cut away my
genitals, scrotum and all. Place them on the smaller plate. Take the two plates
and place them in the refrigerator for preservation. It is my head and genitals
that made me, me. Use the pruning shears to cut the last joint from each finger
and thumb from my hands and flush all ten down the toilet. This will make it
almost impossible to identify me. I'm sure they won't show the picture of my
face on the TV or in the papers. What you see before you is an anonymous
corpse; decapitated and useless. You must prepare yourselves for step 6.
Step 6. Untie my wrists, ankles and torso. My flesh and bone must be
unrecognizable as human after you have completed this final step for your
payment. Each of you pick up one of the meat cleavers and one at a time, hack
apart my body. With my head and genitals removed, my whole body is game so
don't worry about missing or glancing blows or anything else. Rip my corpse to
shreds as you tear me apart with anger and lust for blood. After my legs and
arms have been hacked free, throw them into the pile of crushed bone and
mutilated flesh and mangle any remaining resemblance of a man. Scream as you
cut my body to pieces. When there is nothing left that you recognize, you are
done.
Turn off the tape. Place it in the self addressed stamped folder and mail it to
my partner. Strip off your overalls, mask and shoes and place them in a
plastic garbage bag and bury them later when you are miles from the house. If
you have been successful, and I trust you both with my death, the room will be
awash in blood, touching every wall and even the ceiling. Gaze upon the pile of
scraps that was once a living man and be proud of your work. Bob will transfer
the money to your account once he has viewed the tape and determined that you
have followed my wishes to the best of your ability.
I thank you in advance for making my death as wonderful as I could have ever
dreamed and I pray you will get the chance to die an equally glorious death
someday.
It was now Wednesday. After making final edits to the contract, I began to
put together my death kit with a few knives at a local pawnshop that seemed to
fit my needs. I found two incredibly sharp meat cleavers also. I got an
erection just seeing these death implements laid out on the white sheets of my
bed where I would die in 72 hours. It was the four poster type with huge wood
poles at each corner. I bought rope and fur lined cuffs to immobilize my body.
There was one for each wrist, one for each ankle, one for my hips and one under
my arms and over my chest. I wanted to be a complete slave and helpless.
As Thursday, August ____ approached, I began to feel so alive. I couldn't
sleep and began to masturbate endlessly and think about being used by these two
gay psychos and later being murdered by them. I don't think I've ever been so
hot and lusty in my life. I had deliberately scheduled them to arrive two days
early so we could go over the final plans and enjoy some time together. I
wanted them to know me and take ownership of my death and not just think of it
as a job.
I picked them up at the airport and made the long drive to my cabin in the
cascades. I had rented it for a month under a fake name and with cash. I moved
some of my furniture in like the bed and my death tools, etc. It was cozy and
at least a mile from anyone else. If I screamed, no one would interfere. We
relaxed and drank some beer and quickly got naked. Buck brought some snuff films
and we began to watch and enjoy the videos and each other. I had never had gay
sex, but watching these films was so erotic that I had to enjoy my first hot
hard cock. I wanted to complete my life having tried some new things before the
end. I decided that when Buck and Dog arrived on the Thursday before, I would
enjoy some rough gay sex with them. This was their idea as much as mine. They
said I should enjoy the best of sex before I left this world. So, I had one
more thing to look forward to as my death approached. I kneeled at Buck's feet
and slowly devoured his cock. It was glorious. How had I gone so long and not
tried this? I enjoy women, but this pulsing cock in my mouth was overpowering.
He grabbed my head and shot a huge load into my mouth choking me a bit. I
eagerly swallowed every drop and moved over to Dog.
The night was filled with every kind of sex imaginable and then some. We
got on my deathbed and had our way with each other's bodies. I enjoyed theirs
just as they would soon enjoy mine in a very different way than anyone could
believe. If they followed my directions, they would spill every last drop of my
blood and split my body into many unrecognizable parts. I was looking for the
slaughter house motif where only scraps littered the floor and the bed.
Is everyone beginning to get the picture? Do you understand what I'm
talking about? After my death, my instructions stated that aside from my head
and genitals, there should not be any part of my body larger than a closed fist
left intact. If everything went as planned, the beautiful white sheets would be
totally blood red and the floor around the bed would be strewn with dismembered
flesh and bone. The walls should be splattered as well as the ceiling. I
begged Buck to be as viciously violent and hateful toward my dead body as was
inhumanly possible. I couldn't have stressed that enough. Once my heart
stopped and I lost consciousness, they should become animals.
My best friend Bob was to deposit a huge some of money in both Bucks and
Dogs account after my death. To prevent them from simply killing me for the
money, my wishes had to be completely carried out to the letter for them to be
paid. As part of the bargain, they had to guarantee that once I was tied to the
bed, they would finish no matter how much I pleaded or begged them to stop,
there would be no turning back. I would die a gruesome death and be
dismembered. When I showed Buck the death kit, he got fidgety and wild-eyed. He
picked up and examined the knives looking at me and daydreaming of what he was
about to do. He read over the contract again and again on Friday.
By Friday evening, we just chilled and even went for a swim in the pool. It
was to be my final relaxing day. We again engaged in every deviant sex act we
could think of. I only wish I had tried the other side sooner. . We slept
together nude all night and awoke to the morning sun. It was my death day,
about 9 AM. I would be dead by Midnight that evening or sooner. I had taken a
strong laxative the night before and hadn't eaten anything since 5 PM the night
before. I wanted to be clean and not lose control and spoil the moment. I
drank only water this glorious morning. The day seemed to go by so slowly. It
was agonizing and I wanted to get it on.
By 7 PM, Buck and Dog were waiting on me for some final instructions and as
we made our way to the bedroom, I noticed that their mood had changed since
earlier in the day and there was no more joking and smiles. I looked at them
and asked if they were ready. They said yes. I felt in a state of total
euphoria now. If I had any last minute change of heart, now was the time. My
pheromones were raging and my penis was painfully erect.
I took off my clothes and picked up one of the 6-inch knives. I held the
knife with both hands and as I looked at Buck and then into the camera, I
plunged the knife into my abdomen. It was incredibly painful, but not as much
as I'd imagined. I almost fell to the floor. After a moment, I regained my
composure and swiftly pulled out the knife and laid myself in position on the
bed. This was the legal out for Buck and Dog. This stab wound would be fatal
if left unattended and I wanted everyone to know that there was absolutely no
coercion or force. I was in control and committing suicide, albeit an unusual
one. I experienced life and now wanted to fully experience death. Buck, as
planned, asked me one last time if I was ready to die. After proving that with
the knife, I proudly and gleefully said yes. I looked down at the blood oozing
from my midsection and smiled. I had never been so ready for anything in my
life. My best friend Bob would narrate my death and finish this story after
viewing the entire tape of my death. Buck asked for my journal that I had been
writing in for months as well as these last few minutes, as I wrote these last
words. "I have longed for death these many months and I am ready to die. I
want to die with honor and with as much savage fury as can be inflicted on my
body. Good bye"
I received the tape of Johns' death on Tuesday. He was now dead and the
news channels were playing it up big. Buck had called 911 after they were miles
from the house. John wanted his remains to be found within hours of his death.
The quote from one paper was, "an unspeakable shocking crime has taken place".
The full details would never be made public, but I knew and was ready to view
the tape. It was my promise to John, regardless of how gruesome I found it and
also to pay off his contract with Buck and Dog.
The first scene on the tape is Buck and Dog already in their masks and
overalls laying out the knives and tools on the bed. Buck leaves the room and
after a few minutes, John comes back with him. They exchange a few words and
John takes off his clothes. He looks so damn happy for a man about to be
brutally murdered and mutilated. Buck and Dog are intensely serious and seem
agitated. John writes something in his journal and Buck takes it from him.
Suddenly, John takes one of the 6-in. knives and looks up at the camera. He
puts both hands on the handle and plunges it into his belly. I just can't
believe anyone could do this. Under normal circumstances I'd be right, but
these were far, a long and perverted way from normal circumstances. John
buckled over, but then pulled out the knife and handed it Buck. He then casually
laid himself down on the bed, spread his legs and arms and gave instructions
while his body was strapped down and secured to the bed.
After a few minutes, he seemed to struggle against his bindings and said,
"That's great guys".
I can't believe how casual he is. I don't have the will power and never will.
The time code on the tape shows just before 8 PM. Buck asks John one more time
if he's ready and John says, "I've started it for you. Kill me you fucking
faggots and do it right for god sake."
He just grins and takes a deep breath. Buck and Dog pick up the smaller of the
knives and look at each other. They seem hesitant to cross the line, but John
just says, "C'mon, stab me."
Buck goes first and jabs the knife into John's belly and pulls it out. John
winces and takes another deep breath. He just smiles and urges them on. He has
to sustain 49 more wounds over the next hour.
"It's easy and feels good", Buck says to Dog. "Go ahead."
Dog thrusts the knife into John's chest and again John flinches and recovers.
How do you prepare for being stabbed? By stabbing himself first, John had
experienced a new high.
Buck and Dog take turns stabbing Johns body over and over again making a new
wound every time, being careful to miss the areas John drew on his body. John
was yelling at them.
"Hit me", he said. "Hit me again."
I couldn't believe what I was seeing. John had been stabbed two dozen times and
was enjoying his obvious pain. Blood was beginning to ooze from his wounds. He
had planned everything so well. The lower the lethality of the wounds the more
his body could take. Even after 50 stab wounds by these knives, he would not
have died if they stopped.
After 45 minutes and nearly 40 holes in his body, John was breathing heavy now
and sweating profusely. His penis was rock hard, if you can imagine. He had
always told me that death and erotic feeling were intertwined with him. I never
did understand. Buck gave him some water and all he could say was to finish the
job. He was anxious to get on to step 2.
They stabbed him 10 more times, but in the legs and arms. He was bleeding from
everywhere and his body looked like a target from a bow and arrow club. John
was my best friend and I found it incredibly hard to watch this. John's words
to me were that the best or worst, depending on your point of view, was yet to
be seen.
It was nearly 9 PM and John was still looking coherent and very much alive. As
Buck and Dog picked up the 4-in. ice picks, John looked a little more serious.
The ice picks would certainly cause internal organ damage and John would die
from internal bleeding after step 2 was complete whether they continued or not.
He had talked with me about this and gotten serious when discussing the
threshold of no return in his plan. Under any normal circumstances, no one
would want to endure any stabbing, much less these numerous lethal wound from
ice pick. John was very philosophical. He knew it would be painful and lethal,
but in the context of this 4-hour event, it just didn't matter. He would be
dead either way and didn't have to worry about injury the way we all think in
the day to day world. He just wanted a progressive plan for his death and
wanted to experience the full gamut of knife wounds that were in his own unique
death wish.
John braced himself for the first of his 30 ice pick wounds. Dog quickly thrust
the pick into John's right chest and John cried out and lost his breath. It was
a shock to his system as his lung was punctured. Before he could recover, Buck
stabbed his abdomen above the navel. Again John cried out and struggled against
the ropes. It was hard to see him in pain and his smile had turned to a
grimace. Buck and John had now crossed into their own murderous rage, as John
had wanted. He knew human nature so well and under the right circumstances
anyone can enjoy this kind of violence. Besides, they wanted to get on with
this and get out of town. They repeatedly stabbed John in the chest, belly and
waist.
After 15 of these deep wounds, John yelled out, "Let me catch my breath,
please."
He begged them to let him get his composure back and then they could start
again. Buck reluctantly said OK. John's breathing must have been painful.
Maybe his lung had collapsed. He coughed up some blood and was in obvious pain.
"OK", he shouted. "Finish it."
They stabbed his legs, his side, and his shoulders and after an eternity, they
were done. John now had 80 stab wounds in his body. While 50 were barely more
than superficial, the other 30 were lethal and he would not last more than a few
hours. It was now 10 PM and Midnight was his deadline. Step 3, the long knives
would be horribly painful and might cause his death all by themselves prior to
step 4.
John had amazingly taken the first lethal thrust with the Bowie Knife. Buck
threw one of the huge knives to Dog and they stared at them as John looked on,
in pain, bleeding and coughing up even more blood. His eyes were red and his
color was pale from the blood loss. Most of his body was awash in fresh and
caked blood. The bed around his abdomen was now soaked and deep dark red and his
body was riddled with wounds. He was barely what I remember of my friend. This
was his deepest wish and I respected him for it. So few of us get to choose the
time and place and method of our death. He was fearless and lucky.
Buck looked at John and again waited for a nod. John breathlessly said, "Go
ahead." Buck put two hands on the large handle of the knife and raised it above
John's belly and thrust it into his body. Johns' entire body became taught and
it came off the bed as he cried out in pain. Buck took his hands away from the
knife and John looked at the knife and looked at Buck and I saw the first sign
of contented happiness on his face in a while. I know he loved seeing this huge
knife buried to the hilt in his body and being conscious to enjoy it in his own
perverse way, but that was John. Buck and John looked over at Dog. He raised
his own knife and slammed it into Johns right side, viciously prying two ribs
apart and tearing into Johns lung. Again John's body thrust off the bed and he
struggled against the ropes wailing in apparent agony, but again he quickly
recovered.
His right lung was filled with blood and he had trouble talking. I could barely
make out what he said. He just raised his head and looked at his body and
smiled broadly. I can't imagine what he thought seeing his body moments before
dying. He took a moment and gazed upon his bloody frame. He seemed amazed and
very much alive. The smile on his face through the pain was unmistakable and
made me feel better. I knew he had found his ultimate high, far more powerful
than any drug or sex. He fell back and his breathing was now labored. There
was one more vision he wanted before he died.
It was not 10:30 PM and the night wasn't over. Buck picked up the 2-ft long
double-edged sword. John looked at it as if it was a beautiful woman. His eyes
opened wide. This was his final moment with the living. As planned, Buck
positioned the tip of the sword on the precise spot John had circled. It was
between two ribs, parallel with their length to allow the sword to penetrate
into John's chest cavity, through the heart, hopefully, and on through his back
into the bed. He had used the word impaled as he talked to me about it at
length months before.
Buck took a position to use his body weight and to be able to put all of his
strength into the movement when plunging the sword into John's body. Out of
respect, Buck looked for a sign from John who was in great pain and waiting for
death.
John said in a loud and clear voice, "Kill me now and hack my body to bits."
Buck screamed as he thrust the sword into John's chest. He struggled and threw
his weight into the sword a second time to keep it moving. John screamed out in
a loud blood curdling, horrible sound. I will never forget his voice. It was
truly the sound of a dying man. Buck pulled away and fell back on the floor.
The sword had plunged into John's body to the handle. John's head thrashed from
side to side. For a brief instant, his eyes opened wide, almost in disbelief and
then closed. His body convulsed and heaved. All at once he collapsed and his
head fell to the side. There was no movement by John, Buck or Dog. They were
silent. John was indeed dead and free.
Johns only regret was that he would not be able to see why lay ahead. Knowing
that Step 5 and 6 would be completed and that I would see it eased his mind. He
wanted a spectacular death and he got it. He also wanted a horrific and
shocking murder scene. His murder was violent enough. I was not prepared for
what I was about to see. It was exactly as John had envisioned. There was
gore, blood, mayhem and all that that brings to mind. I think in many ways
Johns deviant wishes for what was to be done to his corpse was even more
erotically exciting to him than his meticulously planned death.
Buck and Dog composed themselves and stood over John's corpse and seemed stunned
at what they had done and the scene they had created. I'm sure they would have
like to leave, but they had a duty to perform before they would get paid.
According to John, Buck was indeed a psychopath who had killed at least two
unwilling men in a bdsm episode gone bad. The one man died of massive trauma to
the rectum from foreign objects, not usually used for that purpose, being
inserted into his rectum. Buck killed the other man to keep him silent. He had
used an ax. John trusted Buck to carry through with his wishes. Johns only
nightmare scenario and one that haunted him, was that either Buck or Dog would
simply pull out a gun and shoot him in the head after they'd tied him up. That
kind of death was incredibly empty and those suicide freaks that kill themselves
with a whimper or quick splat on the wall from a gun have wasted a golden
opportunity. I'm sure John realized his dream when he saw and felt that sword
rip through his body after sustaining over three hours of stabbing. In a strange
way, John and Buck were two of a kind, but very different. John could never
hurt a fly and only recently became obsessed with his own death. Once on that
death wish, nothing and no one would stand in his way. He always did what he
wanted.
Buck picked up the pruning shears and proceeded to cut off John's fingertips and
thumbs. He left the room for a minute, presumably to flush them down the
toilet. John wanted identification to be difficult. Buck switched tools for a
butcher knife and began the gruesome task of removing John's head. He quickly
cut all of the flesh, tendons and muscle to the bone. He then picked up one of
the meat cleavers and hacked away at the vertebrae until John's head fell over
free from his body. Buck picked it up by the hair and placed it on the larger of
the two plates. This was truly surreal. He then gently cradled John's genitals
and made a quick cut freeing Johns penis and scrotum and placed them on the
smaller plate. Only a gay man would take such care. John had chosen wisely.
I had no idea what to expect for step 6. What was now lying on the bed was
motionless, headless and only vaguely resembled a man. The bleeding had stopped
with John's heart. His entire body was covered in blood and puncture wounds
were everywhere. Buck pulled out the sword with some difficulty and the two
knives. He handed Dog a meat cleaver. It was now 11:30.
Buck simply said, "Lets give him in death what he wanted so much."
He viciously began to hack away at the bloody corpse that was once my living
friend. Dog was entranced by Buck's violence. Blood and flesh were splattering
everything. Dog joined in and they seemed to gain energy and a demented
excitement as they went on. It was truly horrible to watch. They screamed in a
murderous animal hatred at John's remains. They hacked him to bits before my
eyes and tore his torso to shreds. Their clothes were covered in blood and bits
of raw flesh and bone and Johns innards. It was the bloodiest gruesome shocking
display of animal savagery I had ever seen.
Where once in the center of the bed, lay John's torso, now there was a void
where only bits of flesh and bone remained. Only John's arms and legs were
intact. They took what was left of John's arms and legs and threw them into
this perverted hacking zone. They tore his limbs apart leaving only his feet
and hands for anyone to recognize as human. John's slaughterhouse motif was now
in full bloom and all over the bedroom. I only wish John could have been here
to watch this with me. It was everything he wanted and more.
John died a painful and glorious death at the hands of two people he trusted.
It was gruesome and shocking. He would be happy.
