The Fifth

This is the 6th part of a 12 part tale of a Lady and her stable of slaves

6. The Fifth

In actuality Edward already had a possible candidate in mind.  It was a person with whom he had had many lengthy cyber conversations over the past year and had even arranged to meet once in the city when he was sent there on an errand by his Lady.  The initial contact of course had come through Edward’s blog when the man had sent him a long private email.  Edward received many of these and usually dismissed the vast majority of them after one polite response.  In this case however he had been struck with the man’s sharp insights, but also with his seeming vulnerability and even his poorly masked loneliness.  Edward had kept up with the correspondence and they had become more varied, even at times philosophic, and oftentimes very personal.

A self acknowledged submissive, the man readily admitted from the very start his inability to commit to his orientation and how this had left a huge hole in his life.  He was apparently about the same age as the Lady, and Edward couldn’t help but identify with him as he remembered his own struggles trying to cope with the secret desires of his heart.  He had not been able to find such fulfillment until now, so much later in his life, and he found himself strongly wanting to aid this fellow submissive discover and embrace his own.

Although the man obviously knew from the blog about Edward’s current life situation Edward was intrigued and impressed that he had never directly asked about it or indicated any interest in possibly becoming part of it, as virtually every other cyber correspondent had done.  Edward had wondered if he was just trying not to be intrusive and rude, or that possibly he did not want to jeopardize the on line relationship they were developing.  Most likely, Edward finally surmised, the man was probably still not mentally prepared to consider such a real life changing step.

In all of their many discussions Edward had never been able to discern in the man a specific submissive bent, just a professed fantasy to someday possibly find that special person, a singular woman, who would take control of his life with caring, and hopefully even with affection.  For such a woman he would offer up his entire being for her use, in adoration and complete servitude.  Whether he would ever actually act on such a fantasy, if such an opportunity ever did present itself, was open to real question.

Edward had never before considered that HIS Lady might possibly be that special, singular woman for THIS man.  But now that she had charged him to find someone new for her, someone who posed a challenge, who did not come prepackaged, but upon whom she could write and imprint her own tableau, he had to concede that this man seemed more than promising and appropriate.  And he was also someone whom Edward already felt that he knew and could even trust, which would lower the risk for all of them.  It just might be the perfect situation for all involved, most especially for his Lady, who was of course his most important concern.

But was the man yet at a stage to contemplate such a course.  He was extremely insightful in probing the concepts of dominance and submission, but was he someone who could actually never live such a life despite his protestations and desires otherwise.  Edward concluded that the man would likely never have a more favorable chance to do so, and if it ended in failure for whatever reasons he truly believed that it would not be due to malice or ill will by anyone, and that no one would then be irrevocably hurt.  So he finally resolved to offer his cyber friend this opportunity and let fate work its will.

He carefully crafted a post to him outlining his Lady’s wishes and expectations and the many reasons why he thought his friend should put forth his petition and himself before her.  It took over a day for him to receive a reply, and in it the man expressed deep reservations about his own sufficiency in satisfying the Lady’s needs and requirements given his lack of real experience and confidence.

Edward was actually elated at this initial response.  This was not a potential slave who was coming in with a set of predetermined expectations of his own, but rather a concern that he would be found wanting and would thus prove to be a failure.  Edward sent him a second email hoping to convince him otherwise.

‘Understand that this is a consensual relationship for all concerned’ he wrote.  ‘We all chose to be the Lady’s slaves when she offered it to us.  And if you choose to so submit as well, and she accepts you, it will be the choice of both.  And you will have the ability to leave at any time, as do we, just as she can dismiss you or us at any time for any reason.  But if you are so accepted, and you do so choose, it will be as a slave, totally obedient and subject to her will for as long as you are in her service.  And if you ever choose in any way not to obey, she WILL dismiss you.  But that will have been through your own actions and choice.’

‘So now you have to decide,’ he continued, ‘whether to take a leap to another life, one to which you may find that you are not suited despite the yearnings of your soul.  But if you do not take this leap now you may never again have such an opportunity to learn and to experience.  To live and not just dream.’

This time the response came much more quickly, a mere number of hours later.  ‘Please beg the Lady to allow me a few days to put my affairs in order so that I can then more properly present myself for her judgement.’ 

Edward immediately went to his Lady and detailed to her all that had gone on and everything that he knew about the man.

“Make it happen, Edward.” she directed after hearing his presentation.  “Bring him for an interview.”

So Edward arranged to meet the man the following weekend in the city and bring him back.  He outlined to him all that was to occur and the protocols involved.  He wanted no surprises or misunderstandings.  The man would make his plea and entreaty with his eyes fully open, after of course being blindfolded as was required for the trip back.  And then the Lady would make her decision, and if the man was deemed suitable he would then be offered the only decision he would be allowed to make, whether to accept his enslavement or not.

The car ride was is silence as was also the rule.  When they arrived at the manor the man was taken immediately to the sitting room.  There would be no initial audition of talents this time, just the formal ‘interview’.  He was instructed to strip, and as previously discussed to then kneel naked in front of the easy chair, forehead to the floor and arms stretched out before him.

He remained this way in silence for well over an hour, as his knees groaned and his back stiffened.  But he dared not move lest this be judged his first disqualifying act of disobedience.  Finally he heard steps move softly from behind and then around him to the chair in front, on which someone then sat.  More minutes of silence as he could almost physically feel the weight of the scrutiny bearing down upon him.  At long last ...

“You may kneel up.  Let me see what I have.”

The moment had come.

The man knelt up. 

The Lady stiffened.

“Edward, what is the meaning of this?” she stammered, horrified.  “How could you even dare?”

“My Lady?”  Edward moved forward quickly from the back of the room.  “What is it?”

She looked up at him, enraged.  “How could you do this?  Why would you do this?”  Her eyes were dragged back down almost as if against her will as Edward followed her stricken gaze.

There on his knees before her was Jared, Deanna’s former for one very brief moment, fiancé.

********

It had been a difficult and troubled six years since Jared had walked away from Deanna.  Though he had been the submissive, and would normally have been the one expected to yield, for that one most important  time he had needed, deep within him, to have her be the one to come for him.  To reassure him that she really did want him to be so much more than her slave.  That she wanted, needed him first and foremost to be her MAN.  He loved her so much.  He had wanted to be everything for her.  A part of that would have been to be her slave, a part he would have reveled in as well.  But it could only have been a part, and not even the most important part.  She had to want him to be more.  But she had never come, had never sought him out in any way, and he had finally come to conclude, as he had feared on the day that he had left, that she really had only wanted him as a slave.

For a long time Jared was left bereft, teetering at the edge of a pit of despair.  Trying to find some lifeline out he turned back to his professional career.  He embarked on a punishing exercise program and got himself into the best condition of his life, and to the surprise of many he then went on to have two more very productive seasons with his baseball team, in the second one helping them to win their first World Series in decades.  Even the attainment of this highest professional goal however could not fill the hole in his life.  So, using the rationale for the public that he wanted to go out on top, he retired, knowing full well that the real reason was that his heart was no longer in it, that it hadn’t been for some time, and that it belonged in only one place and that place only.

Fighting it as hard as he was able he could never get Deanna out of his thoughts.  This became even more difficult when she ‘suddenly’ became a best selling author and literary star.  She seemed to appear in front of him in some media venue practically every day.  His longing for her grew, almost as much as his depression over his loss of her continued to drag him down.  Not for the first time he began to seriously wonder whether being her full time slave wouldn’t be better that being nothing for her at all.  But he still had massive doubts about whether he could actually live such a life.  He began to consider an idea of attempting it somewhere else, with someone else, to see if he could handle it before then throwing himself at Deanna’s feet begging her for another chance, even if only in that role.

He had been a follower of Edward’s blog for quite some time.  Along with so many other readers he had been happy for Edward when he was finally able to find and live out his true vocation and nature.  It seemed to be every submissive’s fantasy come true, and even as it seemed to be real and actual slavery Edward appeared to embrace it and thrive without reservation.  Thus when Edward suddenly announced on his blog that his Lady was looking to take on a new slave to be responsible for the care of the grounds of her estate, Jared was forced to confront the possibility that this might be the opportunity that he should seize to test his resolve and ability to become a real slave.  He had no experience as a groundskeeper, but he was fit and strong and not afraid of manual labor.  It was the other more serious aspect of it all that terrified him.  But he had to find some way to prove to himself that he was capable of this, so that he would not fail her again if Deanna were to ever consider accepting him back.

Steeling his resolve Jared wrote to Edward to offer his petition.  He readily admitted to having little experience at either grounds keeping or in being a slave, but promised to work to learn and be taught how to excel at both.  Upon receiving the post Edward was impressed with the honesty and humility, but even more so with the lack of expression of any set of expectations or rewards, only the correspondent’s desire to serve.  Though he expected that this lack of experience would probably lead to the man being  ultimately found unsuitable Edward did include him in his winnowed list of three candidates to meet and interview face to face.

As Jared arrived at the designated hotel for his ‘interview’ he was once again assailed with serious doubts.  Looking on from a distance at the assigned area in the hotel lobby for their meeting he saw an older gentleman sitting there waiting, whom he could only assume must be Edward, and he had the sudden realization that entering any potential relationship with Edward and his Lady would be done under false pretenses.  It was not that he was backing away from his decision to try to be a slave.  It was just that he now understood that he could only ever be Deanna’s slave.  And even if she never wanted to have anything to do with him, or ever see him again, he felt that being a slave to anyone else would not only be cheating on her, but given the circumstances of their break it would be the worst form of betrayal.

Coming to this sure conclusion after standing in the background and watching Edward for well over thirty minutes he finally worked up the courage to go up to him to attempt to explain it all.  But as he started to walk forward to do so another somewhat younger man approached Edward.  They both looked at their watches, looked around and shook their heads, and then walked away together, leaving Jared to suppose that it had all worked out for the best.

Returning home however he felt both relieved yet very depressed.  More than ever he knew that he needed to be with Deanna, even if only as her slave.  He had to find her, to plead his case, to pledge his servitude.  It had to be in person so he could convince her of his utter sincerity and need.  But he had no idea of how to accomplish this.  He no longer knew where she lived or how to contact her, and because of her new won celebrity she had apparently gone to extraordinary lengths to protect and safeguard her privacy.  She didn’t even have a literary or author’s website, very unusual in the current media age, but this lack of easy public availability, almost as it she wanted to be hidden away, only seemed to add to her popular allure.

Still, books had to be sold and publishers continued to have certain intractable demands, so when her third book, almost instantly a best seller, came out soon after, she was more than willing to take this one opportunity to bask in her fans’ adulation on a requisite book signing tour.  When Jared, heart in his throat, saw that she would have one such appearance in his home city he knew that this would likely be his last and only chance, and he swore to himself to make the most of it.

The bookstore on the scheduled day was mobbed and the line for Deanna’s personally signed books snaked through the length of it.  Jared decided to stay in the back and not make his fateful approach to her until it was over and she was preparing to leave.  He was of course extremely unsure of what her reaction would be and he didn’t want to risk ruining her day and the occasion before it was done.  He could only hope that she would give him the chance later to plead his case.

Seeing her for the first time in over six years, even at a distance from the back of the store, Jared could see that she was more beautiful than ever, regal and captivating as always, appearing like a benevolent Queen holding public court before her adoring populace.  He was totally bewitched and entranced and he knew now without any question that all he could ever want was to spend the rest of his life at her feet.  But when she turned to speak to one of the two men standing behind her Jared staggered backward.  It couldn’t be.  He stared and gaped but soon had no doubt.  The man to whom she was speaking was the same older man he was supposed to have met for that ‘interview’ at the hotel.  The one he had assumed could only have been Edward.  And the man standing next to him, whom Deanna now addressed casually as well, was the same one who had come up, met and then left with Edward when Jared had failed to reveal himself.

That both of these men were with Deanna and not just bystanders became clear very quickly, as they remained implacably behind her throughout except when one or the other would scurry away on some errand at her bidding, bringing her refreshments, or more books to be signed, or for a pillow for her to sit on, or anything else that she might demand or require. 

The ramifications were impossible to ignore.  Jared had always understood that after all of these years Deanna might have found and be involved with somebody else, even as there had never been any mention or inkling of that in the public domain.  But that she might be ‘The Lady’ of Edward’s blog, the Lady who, if Edward was to be believed, now lived with and ‘owned’ a ‘stable’ of slaves, was almost beyond his ability to grasp.  There was no denying the scene playing out before his eyes however.  There was Deanna soliciting ... no, commanding the two men attending behind her, the same two men who in the recent past had wanted to interview him to become another one of her slaves.  Though this was a role that Jared had so ardently desired it no longer seemed in the realm of possibility.  She had seemingly moved so far beyond him that he felt that she would most likely laugh if not actually sneer at his presumption.  He had steeled himself in advance to face the possibility of her rejection, but he didn’t believe that in light of where her life had now apparently gone that he could withstand her delighted scorn.

He knew that he was likely being very unfair as to how she would react.  In his heart he knew that she was a far more kind and caring person than that.  It was just that, as he now understood, she needed deep within her to be in total control.  When they had first started experimenting with dominance and submission, at his behest he readily acknowledged, he had regarded it as a fun and enticing game.  But it had obviously become far more vital and important to her than that and he hadn’t at the time known how to respond.  He had come back now willing to be just her slave if that was all she wanted of him but he had still harbored the hope that he could be so much more than that for her, as it had been before.

Now, looking upon her and considering all that had been detailed in Edward’s blog, Jared realized that Deanna had gone on to a far different realm, one where it was very unlikely that there would ever be a place or a role for him.  Distraught, he felt that it would now be far too uncomfortable for both of them for him to try to impose his presence and his petition upon her.  The last thing he would ever want was to cause her any further distress or pain.  She had apparently found, without him, what she most wanted and needed in her life.  For both of their sakes he would not allow himself to disrupt or interfere with that in any way.  Desolate but decided, he turned and left, leaving hopes and dreams dashed behind.

But over the next several weeks and months Jared found that he was unable to completely let go.  He had to try to maintain some connection to her, to their past together, no matter how tenuous or removed.  He read  every new entry in Edward’s blog over and over, which only further ensnared him.  After much time and continuous vacillation he finally worked up the courage to send Edward a new private post using a different email address and name than he had before.  In it he detailed how much the blog had come to mean to him, and how much it had helped him come to terms over the years with his own submissive nature, though he readily admitted that as yet he had not been able to bring it to any useful fruition.  He wasn’t greatly surprised, but was very much thrilled, when Edward posted a long reply and they then began an active and spirited correspondence.  At Edward’s suggestion, after some time and many online discussions, they had even once met, further cementing their relationship and growing friendship.  Jared was always extremely careful to avoid questions about Edward’s current life situation with ‘his Lady’ and her ‘stable’.  He didn’t want to do anything that might risk the severing of this very indirect link to Deanna, and even more importantly the friendship he was  forging with Edward.

So it was with a great deal of consternation when after over a year of correspondence between them he received a post from Edward suggesting that his Lady was interested in acquiring a new slave, and that Edward thought that this would be a perfect opportunity for him to stop yearning and actually start living the life he professed to want to have.  This brought Jared into a serious quandary.  He had never really expected any such offer to occur, even as he had inwardly fantasized it so.  Presented with the reality however he could not see how it would not end in any way except in pain and disaster.  After a day of tortured indecision he crafted a response indicating reasons why he would not be up to the task.  Edward’s answering salvo not only played down these ‘concerns’, but offered every rationale of why he should proceed.  If only Edward really knew.  But Jared’s paper thin defenses crumbled.  Despite his protestations, even to himself, he knew that he wanted this.  Badly.  Even as he believed and feared that this would be how it would end.  But he had to try, or he would never be able to live with himself again.

********

As he knelt up naked in front of her after all of these years Jared was at a total loss in imagining how Deanna would react.  He had of course anticipated some degree of anger, even possibly rage until her shock subsided, but nothing like the wrath that was now being directed not at him, but rather at Edward as she ‘explained’ just whom Jared was.  He could not allow his friend to bear what should be directed solely and deservedly only at him.

“Edward didn’t know, My Lady.” he ventured forth.

“Well he should have” she practically screamed.  She shuddered, and made a visible effort to collect herself taking several deep breaths.  “No, that may be unfair.” she finally conceded, looking only at Edward.  “I really shouldn’t find so much fault with anyone being taken in by someone who is obviously so practiced in deceit.”

She slowly turned her eyes, which had been so aflame with fury but were now cold as ice, to the figure kneeling before her.

“What can you possibly want here, Jared?”.  She spat out his name with utter disgust.

He gathered himself.  This was the moment and he would keep it short and simple.  No lengthy explanations or entreaties.

“I want to be your slave, My Lady.”

“I’m not your Lady.” she replied in a rush.  “I will never BE your Lady.  You were given that choice once before, and as I told you then it would be the only chance you would ever have to take it.  And you rejected it.”

The pain in those last words was palpable to all and brought Edward out of his anguished haze.

“Let me take him from here and send him on his way, My Lady.”

“NO.” she responded sharply.  For reasons she didn’t fully understand she couldn’t bring herself to order him away.  He had to be the one to leave, of his own volition.  As he had done before, he had to do again.  She would not be the one to force him to go, even as she would make it clear to him how unwelcome his presence was.

“No Edward.” she repeated more calmly.  “He has to leave of his own accord as he did once before.  Only that time I wanted him to stay.  This time there is nothing that I want more than for him to be gone.  Forever.”

She turned her attention to him once again.  “So Jared, understanding that, and make no mistake about it, do you still wish to stay?” she asked with pure disdain in her voice.

“Yes ... Ma’am.”

Deanna’s eyes blazed once again.  How could he be doing this?  And the bigger question was Why?  Too late she realized that she had painted herself into a corner with no easy way out.  She desperately wanted him to leave but she needed him to decide to go on his own.  There was no way that she could allow HIM to become the wronged one, the victim, as he had caused her to be all those years ago.  He had been the one to leave before and he had to be the one to do so again.  She couldn’t let him get off so easily.  She would not be the one to force him to go and allow him to believe that the scales had somehow been balanced.  That could never be.  No, she had to find a way to convince him to leave on his own, to be the perpetrator, the snake, once again.  And she had to find it right away.  But what?  A glimmer of an idea began to form and she grabbed onto it with force.  He certainly wouldn’t put up with this.  She bore her gaze down upon him once again.

“So you came here to be a slave, is that what you’re saying, Jared?”

Jared bowed his head.  “Yes Ma’am.” he answered softly.

“Well if you truly want to stay it can only be as a slave.”  She paused and then continued with vehemence.  “But NOT as MY slave.  You will never be MY slave.  To remain here it will only be as the personal slave of all of the rest of my slaves.  Then you will find out what being a slave is really all about.”

Edward took an anxious step forward.  “My Lady, I don’t think ...”

“Edward!” came the pointed rebuff which silenced him immediately.

“So Jared,” she continued, “you would be the slave of my slaves, to be used in any way that they see fit, and I’m sure that they will find any number of interesting ways to use you, not only to ease the many burdens I lay on them, but also for their own amusement.  And it will remain that way until you finally choose to leave.  Which will be the only choice allowed for you to make.”  She paused again to drive home her point.  “I ask you then one last time.  Is this what you want?”

Jared was seriously shaken, and he struggled to maintain his outward composure.  This was most definitely not what he wanted.  But he had come so far and he was so lost.  He needed her so much.  He slowly raised his head and eyes to meet her glare.

“As you will, Ma’am.”

A sharp intake of breath.  “No, as YOU will, Jared.  I will have nothing to do with it.  Or with you.”  For the briefest of moments a flicker of doubt, even of fear, played across her eyes before they returned to frost.  An exhale.  “So be it then.” she finally proclaimed.  She broke their eye contact and turned back to Edward.  “Edward, take this piece of trash and deposit it somewhere, and then gather all the rest and come to me so I can inform you all of ... the new circumstances.”

“As you command, My Lady.”  Edward, with undisguised enmity, then prodded the still kneeling Jared up and led him out of the room.

Watching them leave Deanna couldn’t help but feel unsettled.  ‘A new challenge’, Edward had said as they had embarked on all of this.  Well it certainly would be that she had to concede, but a far different one than either of them had ever envisioned.  But, she vowed to herself, it was a challenge she was determined to win.