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July, 2009. The White House.
Jenny holds tight to her Blackberry. She is a journalist. She is on special assignment from her newspaper. There, she is a respected co-worker and friend to many. Her palms sweat around the Blackberry. She'll be writing the speech in live-blog chunks. This is not her first Obama speech. She covered the inaguration, and several campaign speeches before the election, before the financial crisis, before Obama began retooling the country to make sure the bankers didn't go broke, to make sure we didn't turn into a Chinese colony. The amount of debt the country was in, it was only a matter of time before America as we knew it had to change. But Jenny didn't know what Obama was about to declare.
Everyone stands as the President Elect is announced. Jenny claps along with the other hundred or so journalists in the room. In a moment, Jenny can see Obama. He looks tall, and confident, like always, but there's something else going on with his expression. She can't place it. Is it...is Obama smirking?
"Good morning, everyone," Obama begins. His voice booms, making everyone immediately silent. He has such immense presence, Jenny can't help but be in awe of the man. She writes in her Blackberry, signaling her website and her readers about this great man's arrival.
Jenny wrote as fast as she could on the little device, her thumbs finding the keys without any effort. Obama spoke: "As you all know, America is facing the toughest economic downturn in its history. The trillion dollar economic stimulus package only made the situation worse, as corrupt CEOs and presidents simply took the money offered to them and left the country, leaving untold insurance and car companies without leaders. The last few months have been incredibly difficult for many out of work Americans. Over twenty percent of the country is now unemployed, with more losing their jobs every day."
Jenny wrote down what he said with blazing accuracy. These talking points weren't knew. The first half of 2009 had been devastating to the country, and many were beginning to blame the young president, with some pundits asking for George Bush back.
"Today, my staff and I propose a staggering new series of concepts that will ensure America's future and rightful place as leader of the free world. This bill has already been passed in congress by a wide 80-20 margin, with both Democrats and Republicans agreeing to the terms herein. That is to say, both Democrat and Republican men have passed the deal."
Jenny stopped writing for a second. What did he mean by 'men'?
"There are three major overhauls to the US constitution and bill of rights we will be discussing today. They will go into effect tomorrow. This is a landmark, historic day, and people will remember it as the day we, your government, saved the country from certain economic peril."
Jenny listened intently. This sounded big, and she was glad she got the tag to be here to see it live.
"The first part of the bill is to legalize Gay marriage across the board. Beginning tomorrow, Gay men across America can be married and receive exactly the same rights as straight men."
The crowd of journalists erupted. This was huge, and everyone wanted a word in. Obama silenced them.
"Please," he said. "There's a lot to go over here. I will answer questions after the briefing."
Everyone begrudgingly sat down. Obama continued, but Jenny quickly thought, "Men. He said men again instead of everyone."
Obama said, "The reasons for allowing Gay men to marry are simple. Throughout the economic downturn, there has been one group of citizens who have not only kept sales up, but report breakout numbers of customer service satisfaction and return business, and that's the population of Gay males. We owe what little money is moving in our country to Gay men, and we are rewarding them with a civil rights victory they have been fighting since this country was conceived. To me, the issue was black and white. There was simply no good reason not to let it happen."
Jenny wrote everything Obama said, word for word, clicking at 50wpm with just her thumbs. This was incredibly historic, and it was just the first point of three!
Once the room had quieted, President Obama reached down below the podium and took out what appeared to be a cigarette. No, not a smoke. A joint. President Obama was holding onto a joint. Someone in the front row gasped. Jenny was shocked, but smiled a little, if this meant what she thought it meant. After legalizing Gay marriage, what else was on the fantasy brains of most Americans?
President Obama lit the joint and took a deep puff with his eyes closed. He slowly let the smoke out and inched towards the microphone. "From tomorrow on, Pot is completely legal in the United States of America."
The room exploded in a series of loud questions, cheers, boos, and all around rabble. Jenny clicks hard on the Blackberry. By now, the blogs and newswires are on fire. Used to be, one had to wait until a speech was over to hear about what happened. By now, there'll be a thousand comments on her site regarding these posts.
President Obama silenced the room again, and continued smoking the joint. "The war on drugs is officially over, at least with regards to this one. Medical studies have shown marijuana to be beneficial to the psyche, and contains fewer addictive substances than cigarettes or alcohol. The downsides of the drug are manageable, as well. A steady routine of exercise and sex from every adult American should ward off any potential side effects of the drug."
Jenny was elated. Her and her boyfriend got high every few weeks, and were always a little paranoid about being caught and fired from their jobs. She felt millions of Americans must have had the same stupid paranoia, but it was all over now. This was amazing news.
Obama put out the joint on the podium. "Now, we have legalized Gay marriage among men, and legalized marijuana for everyone, but these two historic new changes to American policy will not completely turn this country around. We need something much bigger. This third and last new change will completely alter us as a country and immediately change how the world views us."
Jenny clicked away, oblivious to the fact that her place as an American citizen was about to completely change.
President Obama took a deep breath and said, "As of midnight, every single woman in America will have her human rights revoked."
Jenny stopped writing. Did he say what she thought he said?
The room was in the loudest uproar yet. Both men and women were completely outraged at the news. Obama quieted them. "I'm sure you will have many questions regarding this new set of changes to the American way of life. All of the details can be found at change.gov, where everyone can read up just what we mean in every case. I don't have time to go through it all here, so lets just keep it simple. From midnight on, Gay men can marry, pot can be smoked anywhere, and every single American woman is no longer considered human."
Jenny, incapable of staying silent any longer, yelled, "What do you mean, not human anymore? You can't honestly believe that we'll just lay down our rights, do you?"
Obama looked directly at Jenny. His stare was more intimidating than his voice. "I don't know who you are, but let me make this perfectly clear. This decision did not come easily. I had a wife. I had two daughters. I had a lot to lose as well. But it is for the good of the country and the good of the people that this happen. As of midnight, you are no longer a person. Go to change.gov to see exactly what that entails."
Obama stopped for a second, looked down, and said, "Hilary, you can come out of there."
Everyone in the room, Jenny included, stopped short of dropping their jaws to the floor as they watched Secretary of State Hilary Clinton crawl out from the podium. She was dressed just like she normally was in a power suit, but around her neck was a thick leather collar. Attached to the collar was a leash, which was attached to the podium. She wiped her mouth. Obama walked over to her, pet her head, and that's when everyone noticed that his enormous cock was hanging out of his slacks.
He said, "Here's just one example of what women can be used for now, but I have every faith in the American man to come up with lots of other ways to use their women."
Obama placed his cock near Hilary's mouth, grabbed her hair, and forced her mouth on it. Hilary was not happy about her new station, but what could she do? As of midnight, that might be the fate of all American women.
Jenny gasped. She couldn't believe what she'd heard, what she'd seen. She looked up to Clinton. She voted for her in the primary. And as she watched her former idol suck the cock of the new president, all she could do was type. She typed what was happening. She typed what was happening to America, to Clinton, and to women everywhere.
"God Bless America," Obama said, as he came upon Hilary's face, putting away his cock, and forcing Clinton to crawl offstage behind him.
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