Becoming Her True Self

Becoming Her True Self

by Kellyn

        He called her on the phone when he was on the way to her hotel room.

       “Are you ready for me, slut?”  he asked, his voice steely and cold.

       Mira took a deep breath.  She sat, completely naked, on the old and faded hotel comforter, waiting to meet her Master for the first time. 

       “…Yes…. Sir, I think… I think I’m ready.” 

       

       There was silence on the other end, silence that seemed to last for more than a minute, endless silence for Mira.  “If you’re not sure, slut, I’ll turn around and go home.”

       “No!  No, I’m sure.  I really want to see you, Sir.  I’m sorry for being hesitant.”

       “Remember that this is what you wanted, slut.  You came down here for me to use, for me to take and do anything with that I wish.  You’re the one who said that you were giving yourself to me completely, do you remember that, cunt?”

       She trembled.  “I remember, Sir.”  She did remember.  She remembered so much about the months that she had spent on the phone with this man.  She had listened as he had described in graphic detail how he would use her and torture her.  Somehow, she had fallen in love with this cruel man whom she had never met.

       “And you know what, slut?  Even with you coming down and giving yourself to me, do you want to know the truth?”  She was silent.  “You want this a hell of a lot more than I do.  I could live without ever meeting you, whore.  Could you say the same?”

       She stifled a sob and tried to hide the knot in her throat.  “No, Sir.”  Don’t cry, don’t cry.

       “Say it, slut.  Tell me what you are.”

       

       The words were second nature to her.  He had made her repeat them for months.  “I’m a worthless cunt.  I’m a stupid piece of shit.  All I am is a hole for you to use, Sir.” 

       “I hope you believe that.  I hope you know that’s true with all your heart.”

       She believed it.  Over the past few months, he had convinced her that she was put on earth to serve his needs.  The only thing that mattered to her in the whole world was to be there, in a dingy Motel 6, waiting for him to arrive and put her in her place.

       “Are you ready to drink my piss, slut?  How do you think you’re going to feel when you guzzle down my urine?”

       “I… I don’t know, Sir.”  She had served one Master before meeting this one.  He had been gentle with her, spanking her occasionally but mostly treating her like a prized pet.  Mira had grown bored with him, craving something more.

       “You’ll enjoy it, slut, and you’ll thank me.  You’ll thank me for the privilege of drinking my piss, won’t you?

       She shivered, partly with fear and partly with desire.  She could feel herself growing wet with desire for him.  Desire to be used.  “I will thank you, Sir.”

       “The harder I use you, the more I hurt you, and the worse I treat you will only make you love me more.  Isn’t that right, slut?”

       Again, she held back tears.  “Yes, Sir.”

       

       “And you know, that no matter what you do, no matter what happens, I will never, ever love you.  How can you love something so worthless as you?”

       Tears started falling silently down her face.  “I know, Sir.”

       He chuckled.  “Good, I’m glad we understand each other, whore.  I’ll be there in soon.  I want you to open the door wide and sit on the edge of the bed with your legs spread wide.  I want you to blindfold yourself with the scarf I had you bring.  I want you to sit like that and wait for me, slut.”

       Mira was mortified.  “But… what if…”

       

       He interrupted her.  “Did I ask you what you thought of it, bitch?  Did I ask you if you had anything to say?”  His voice was calm and flat.

       “No…no.  No Sir.” 

       

       “I didn’t think I did.  Sit like that and wait for me.”  He hung up.

       Mira stood up, shaking.  How could she do this?  Her motel room was on the main floor and it opened to the outside.  What if a maintenance person came by while she was waiting?  Worst yet, what if a family came by?  What if a child saw her sitting naked, completely vulnerable, on the bed?  Her heart raced with fear.  What if a fellow motel guest saw her and decided to take advantage of her?  Would Sir save her?  Or would he come in and enjoy the show?  She wasn’t sure.

       There was one thing which she was very sure of, however.  If she didn’t listen to him, if she didn’t do exactly what he wanted, he would leave and never come back.  He had told her that many, many times when she protested any of the activities he told her he would enjoy with her during her visit.  “That’s fine,” he had said.  “You don’t have to let me fist you.  I’ll just leave.”  The thought of him leaving, walking out of the motel room and out of her life, was too much for Mira to bear.  She was completely trapped, trapped by this mysterious man and trapped by her own feelings.  She had to obey him.

       She pulled the short satin nightgown she was wearing over her head, folded it carefully and put it in a drawer.  Completely naked, she studied herself in the mirror above the dingy dresser.  She was tall and athletic with wavy brown hair and engaging brown eyes.  Men found her attractive and she was asked out often, but she was looking for something more than boring old dinner and a movie dates.  She craved to be used, to be humiliated, and to be completely out of control.  She had from the time she was a very young child.  Going to sleep at night, she had conjured up scenes she had read in books about ancient slaves being punished and whipped.  She’d imagined herself in that position and it seemed to almost bring her peace.  Mira would think of how it would feel to be jerked roughly by the hair to the whipping post by a stern man, how she would be forced to raise her arms, how the rope would feel as it was tied, tightly, around her wrists.  She would imagine standing there, naked and exposed, as she waited for the whip.  It was only then she could fall asleep.

       She had thought there was something wrong with her, that she was the only person in the world with thoughts like this.  Then, she had discovered the internet at the age of sixteen, typed in some search words and discovered that there was a whole community of people with the same fantasies that she had enjoyed.  She had eventually met men off the internet, men who promised discipline, men who all ultimately disappointed her with the difference between their online personas and real-life attitudes.  Now, at twenty-three years old, she hoped she had found him, the dominant man she had been dreaming about since before she knew what it was exactly she was even dreaming about.

       Trembling, Mira walked over to the motel room door and unlatched the chain lock.  Then, she carefully opened it just a few inches.  She tried not to think about who might see her.  It didn’t matter anyhow, she told herself.  After taking one last look at herself in the mirror, she sat down, naked, on the bed.  She slipped the sleep mask over her eyes, grasped her hands behind her, and spread her legs wide.  Then, she waited, completely exposed, for her Master to arrive.

       She was sensitive to every sound she heard.  Was that just the breeze or is someone standing in the doorway?  Had anyone seen her?  Sweating slightly, every brain cell Mira had told her to close her legs, close the door and put on a robe, but she ignored her better judgment and sat still.  “I’m doing this for him, I’m doing this for him,” she repeated to herself, taking deep breaths.  She waited and hoped and prayed that no one would stumble upon her in this position.

       Suddenly, the silence of the room was broken.  Mira heard the door open wide and sensed that sunlight was flooding the room.  The door slammed shut.  She heard footsteps and the sound of the drapes being pulled shut.  She began shaking slightly.  Was this him?  Was this her Master?

       A familiar voice broke the silence.  “I’m happy to see that you can at least obey orders, you worthless piece of shit.”  It was him.  Mira felt a rush of conflicting emotions.  On the one hand, she was ecstatically happy to be in the same room with him and on the other she was absolutely terrified about what he might do to her.  She shivered and didn’t answer.

       She heard his footsteps making his way over to where she sat on the bed.  He grabbed her hair roughly and pulled her to her feet.  She gasped.  Still holding her by the hair, he held her head still as he slapped her face roughly, first one cheek and then the other, front hand and backhand. 

       “Are you ready for me to use you, slut?”  He slapped her again.

       “Yes… yes Sir.”  Mira was breathless.  He reached down and slapped her legs apart.  She felt his cold and rough fingers fumbling between her legs and then one enter her.  She moaned.

       “You’re so wet already, you whore.  Were you excited while you were waiting for me?  Did anybody see you?”

       

       “No, Sir.  At least I don’t think they did.”  She tried to keep her bearing as he roughly finger fucked her cunt.

       “Hmm.  Imagine if they did.  Imagine what they thought of you, sitting here naked and waiting for a man you’ve never even met.  What do you think they thought of you, slut?  What do you think your parents would think if they could see you right now?”

       Mira groaned and pressed herself down into his fingers.  “They… they would think I was a whore, Sir.  A worth...worthless whore.”

       He pulled his hand down and slapped her again.  “And would they be right, cunt?  Is that what you are?  Tell me what you are and tell me why you are here.”

       

       In between receiving hard slaps on her face, Mira answered, “They’re right, Sir.  I’m a worthless cunt and a stupid piece of shit.  And I’m here for you to use me and hurt me, Sir.”

       “Good slut.”  He reached down and grabbed her nipples.  He held them both between his thumb and forefinger and squeezed as hard as he could.  Mira gasped and felt her knees go weak.  He released the nipples and slapped her breasts with both hands as hard as he could. 

       “I like your tits, cunt,” he told her as he slapped them again, watching deep purple bruises form in the shape of his hands.

       Mira started crying softly behind the mask.  “Thank you, Sir,” she said, trying hard to hide the fact that she was breaking down. 

       He grabbed her by the hair again and dragged her to the other side of the bed.  .  He pushed her to the floor.  She tried to catch her breath as she heard him unzip his pants and slide them off.  He sat down on the bed and pulled her towards him by the hair.

       “Keep your hands behind your back and suck my cock, slut.  Show me how much you love me by how well you suck my dick.”